How do I control the sneaking and lieing from my TWEEN GIRL??

Summer - posted on 03/07/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )




I have an 11 year old daughter, she's on her second boyfriend, has had her second kiss. She wants to go to a movie with her friend and their boyfriends alone... I told her she can't go out on "dates" until high school.. So, I occasionally check her text messages (is it even right for me to invade her privacy like that?) and I found that she told her girlfriend to lie to her mom, and say it's just them two going to the movie, so when I talk to the other parent, we would both have no idea about the boys going to the movie as well. I did confront my daughter on this. I'm not sure what to do to stop the lieing and sneaking in the future. Or even a punishment...Oh the tween years!! Any advice??


[deleted account]

My 10 year olds are already very well aware that they will not be dating or having a boyfriend until they are 16. We talk about boys, sex, and stuff ALL the time. I can't protect them forever, but knowledge is power and I'm hoping and praying they will be full of the RIGHT knowledge when the time comes.

It is totally ok that you checked her text messages... at 11 they only have certain rights to privacy and it doesn't include on the cell phone or computer. At 11 there shouldn't be any adult free excursions either. Especially not w/ someone on her second boyfriend and second kiss....

My girls have been interested in boys since at least the first grade, so this is not a new subject for me. We talk more where their main focus should be though and for them that is... God, school, and their gymnastics. Boys are nice and it's great to talk and be friends w/ them, but keep your focus on the things that REALLY matter cuz there is plenty of time in life for the whole dating scene. It helps that 2 of their classmates have 'broken up' about half a dozen times in the same day and the guy is only 'dating' the girl cuz she has big boobs. Um... hello? Do you REALLY want to be messing around w/ that nonsense?!

The boy that one of my daughter's likes is the nicest boy in the 5th grade and his mom won't let him date til he's 16 either. ;)

Good luck! These years are crazy.

America3437 - posted on 03/07/2012




Lock down! I have three teens and they are on lock down! She is only 11 years old and should only be going to the movies with girls and their parents! It is perfectly okay for you to go through her cell phone,who pays the bill? Hell I read notes,check pockets,go through cell phones,monitor face book and feel great about it!! Until they leave my home they are my responsiblity and they can be as mad as they want at me and I really don't care! I look back and think about all the shit I pulled on my mom and use it to stay one step ahead of them.


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Summer - posted on 03/08/2012




I didn't punish her for it, this is the first time I've had this problem, but we did have a talk about what might happen if it happens again. Thanks to you all this is my first time asking a question on here, very helpful and encouraging! I might be using this often!

Amanda - posted on 03/07/2012




Sounds like you did just fine, but did you punish her for lying?? You never stated so. Teens will lie, even the best of them will. The best way to fix this is keep up on them, learn when your children are lying and bust them in the act, with a punishment.

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