How do I deal with a crazy BD and his psycho family!?

Adriana - posted on 07/19/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My BD is in the army, he has extreme PTSD from serving 2 years in Afghanistan. He always has a beer or bottle in his hand. I left him when I was 3-4 months pregnant because he kept blowing me off for his friends and partying. Then I find out he's talking to other girls. His mother tried talking me into an abortion behind his back and then had the nerve to buy baby accessories all boy colors before we found out the gender. She was always speaking for him and trying to control me thru him! She would blow up my fone after I broke up with him asking to take me out to eat and discuss baby stuff when my BD should be doing that! After he goes back to base for schooling, then he starts texting me about a custody agreement when the baby isn't even born yet! He wants me to sign over primary so he can, quote, 'get a house for him and the baby.' But I know he's asking for primary so he doesn't have to pay CS! And to burn me of my benefits. I'm not sure whether I should go for custody and CS as soon as she's born, or, just leave it alone and not bother even telling him or his family she was born. (Reminder, I'm moving back down south before she's born so his family and him can't bother me and I changed my number)

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Adriana - posted on 07/20/2013

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Thanks for your opinions! I do plan to move before she is born, I have primary residency down south. I just moved up north 2 yrs ago for work. He and I grew up together up north but he lives in TN on base until 2016. I feel like it shouldn't matter if I move back down south since he lives in another state anyhow. Also, I tried keeping my peace and being civil with him but once he went back to the Army he started harassing me about agreeing to giving him primary. That's when I called a lawyer and try said to change my number and contact him when she's born. But I just think he needs to prove himself as a fit PERSON to receive any kind of visitation seeing how he blew me off and was always drinking and fighting with people on his last leave in April which is when I left him.

Kathy - posted on 07/19/2013

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As long as you are not married you are free to do as you wish with your child. You are the primary custodial parent by default unless you are married. When people talk about it being wrong to not tell him they are talking morally. That is their beliefs. You have to do what you feel is best for your child. And just so people understand people having sex doesn't mean they choose for them to be their child's father. A lot of women take precaution and it doesn't always work. If the child is not even born I would move before it is unsafe to move. If he wants to be involved set guidelines now and get it through the courts. I would stop all contact with his mother as she seems to be a lot of stress and that is not good for you or baby. Contact father by email that way everything is documented and you have proof if it goes to court. Always keep a cool head and never say anything that can hurt you.

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This is the man you chose to be the father of your child. You are stuck with him in your life now. The child is his, so he has every right to know when the child is born, and to visit the child whenever he chooses unless you put a custody order in place. Ideally, custody arrangements should be made before the child is born to avoid undue stress after the child is born. Go ahead and contact your lawyer about filing for custody and child support if you intend to collect it. Personally, I feel it is best to share custody equally and forgo child support all together as it usually just breeds drama, but that is for you and your baby's father to decide.
Also, if you actively try to keep him from seeing his child, he can file charges against you for that. Some states also allow him to file kidnapping charges against you if you take the child out of state without permission. You'll need to check up on state law in both states if your move back south involves moving out of your current state.

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