How do I deal with a dead beat dad?

Jameesha - posted on 04/18/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I know this is an old question, but I'm really trully struggling with the relationship I have with my daughter's father. Our arguments are so bad that I've gotten to the point, I just dont talk to him.
It just seems like no matter how nice, how much I cooperate or even how mean I am. I get the same results.

At first, I tried taking the high road. I really wanted my daughter to know her dad, but its so hard dealing with somebody who is hell bent on giving you a hard time every step of the way. I've asked him to come to doctors appointments he always says he can't. He lets weeks go by without checking on her and when I ask why he says its because he hates me so much he doesnt want to speak to me.

He's mad about the child support he has to pay. My daughter was born at the end of december, premature. And since then he's barely done anything for her. His child support started March 2012 and hes already two months behind!
He has a job, but I really think hes not paying just to spite me.
And heres the part when I finally say I'm fed-up!
I've overlooked the name calling, him barely asking for visitation.
Oh visitation! after us both coming to an agreement and him taking her for ONE weekend. He wanted to re-do the whole agreement because he wants something more "flexible".
He wants to come get her late bring her back early, and take pics post them on fb and pretend he's an involved parent.

He really disgust me. And I battle with the thoughts of how unfair things are. But even with that, I wish we could come to an agreement and he could see his daughter.
I guess I want to know, how do you deal with a jerk??
Is there anything I can do to minimize the communication between me and him?

2 Comments

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Jameesha - posted on 04/19/2012

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Thank you, for the reply. That's how I feel. I told him that I reached my limit with him, I've tried to be fair and I've tried to bend. On that one visitation weekend he had, I gave him everything he needed. Clothes, formula, nursery water, blankets. Whatever he needed I gave him. The very next weekend he called me a b*tch and told me he has no feelings for me and doesn't want me.
That's where it gets sticky. I walked away from our relationship. I kept trying to stick it out for my daughter's sake. And things went from bad to worse. My family and friends were constantly asking me when was I going to let go because he's not going to change. I guess after one too many promises broken, I saw the light, packed our stuff, gave him his house keys back and left.
The situation is sticky, but I'm ready to move on with my life and just be parents. I can let the past go. It just seems like he's not there yet.
I dont feel comfortable leaving my daughter with him all weekend. He brought her home it was raining 45 degrees with capris on. I asked him where is her coat at?He said it was 61 degrees earlier that day and he had on shorts. But when he brought her back he had on jeans so he had enough common sense to change his clothes when it got chilly but left her the way she was.
So to court we're going, I don't feel like I should have to let him take my child and worry if he knows the basics of taking care of her.
Thanks for reading!
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Lavine - posted on 04/19/2012

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Do everything through the court system....if he has a problem of any sort let him talk to the judge about it... Most states have no tolerance for deadbeats and will lock him up if he doesn't want to pay... The only person he is hurting is himself and his child, but if u are honest with ur daughter from the beginning she will appreciate it later... It may hurt but he is hurting her now treating her this way.... Please don't let him get away with that ur baby girl will be fine she sounds like she has a mom who really cares... He sounds verbally abusive anyway I wouldn't leave my child with him smdh.

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