How do I deal with an ex that gives my daughters anything they want and expects me to pay half?

Ana Maria - posted on 05/05/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My ex wants to give our 16 yr old daughter his car and asked me to pay $3000, which is 1/2 the current value. And expects me to split the cost of insurance as well. He seems to have a very different philosophy on raising children than I. He is remarried with a dual income and no additional children. I'm remarried and grew my family from 3 to 6 with very little additional income. My husband & I make a very good living but live and budget very responsibly. Putting the money factor aside, as principle, I feel children should earn all the things they WANT and as they grow older, earn some of the things they NEED and NOT give to them for free every single thing they need and want. How do I deal with this?

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Sarah - posted on 05/06/2012

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You can't change him if he thinks gifts buy love, but teach your children that love doesn't come in a box.

Ana Maria - posted on 05/06/2012

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We share custody 50/50.But, I feel like he makes me look like a bad person in front of my children because I don't buy as much stuff as he does. He's told me and I know he's told my children that I don't love them as much as he does because I don't buy them as much stuff. Even if I could afford to buy them everything they want, I don't want them to learn the lessons that come with that. I know the most important thing parents can give their children is love. I saw another post about a sixteen year old wanting a car and I love what someone said...."the most important thing parents give their children is roots and wings, not loot and things. I think that sums it up but sometimes it's so difficult to deal with him when he gets angry and expects me to pay for things I either can't afford or just think my girls should earn or at least contribute. Frustrated and being made to feel like a bad person.

Dove - posted on 05/05/2012

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You say no. Simple as that. If it were a NEED (food, clothes, medical care, etc...) he would have a reason to expect you to pay half. No court in the world is going to require you to help buy your 16 year old a car. If it's HIS car then he can give it to her for free or not give it to her at all.

Sarah - posted on 05/05/2012

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Tell him no. If he wants to give them a gift, that's his business how much he wants to spend, but you're not a part of it.

Medic - posted on 05/05/2012

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Well he cannot force you to pay for anything. I am assuming you have custody? You cannot control what he does but you can control what you do. If you do not feel like paying the 3000 for the car don't. If you do not feel like you should pay for insurance....then don't. Stick to your grounds and your parenting philosophy and let him have his. Do not let him or your daughter talk you into anything.

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