How do I deal with my daughter dating a boy whose mother gets too involved in their relationship.

Kate - posted on 04/17/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My daughter,19, is dating a boy, 19, whose mother gets too involved. My daughter is also guilty of going to her for help with the relationship. I have asked her to stop, but she goes to her for support & to gain confidence about the relationship. (They are also friends on FB, which I don't agree with.) The boyfriend has communication issues so the mom does it for him. Now we, her mom & dad, are not getting along w/ his parents. The mom is telling my daughter things she shouldn't. Things, we as parents, have discussed that my daughter wasn't supposed to know. My daughter is taking her side & always makes excuses for her behavior. What can I do?

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Dove - posted on 04/21/2012

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What kind of things does this mother know that you were keeping from your daughter? Why would SHE know them and not your daughter?



Basically, your daughter is 19 and her relationships are her business whether you agree with them or not. Granted, if she were in physical danger it would be another story, but otherwise, back off. Sorry.

Sherri - posted on 04/21/2012

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Sorry she is an adult. You need to let your daughter decide for herself whom she wants to talk to, hang around with, date and there isn't a single thing you can do about it. Also why shouldn't they be friends on FB of course they should, and they are both adults. I am friends on FB with all my kids friends.

Sarah - posted on 04/21/2012

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No offense, but it sounds to me as if you are just as involved in her relationship. She is an adult, let her figure it out on her own.

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If you denigrate the mother, you're going to put your daughter in the position of having to defend her and that's a losing battle.

Back off and tell your daughter you love her and will always be there for her. She's going to have to see a painful truth in this. That this mother will never every not be part of the relationship. Just gently encourage contraception at all costs because you do not want to be tied to this relationship forever.

Nikki - posted on 04/17/2012

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Unfortunately there is not a great deal that you can do, your daughter is an adult and will make her own choices. I do not have a teenager so I am probably not the best person to be dishing out advice but I think I would try to back off a little. If she is taking this mother's side and the two of you are fighting over it then it's not good for your relationship. Let her make her own mistakes and trust in the fact that you have raised her to make positive choices in the end. She is only young, hopefully she will she their true colours soon. I would try an encourage her to have a balanced life so that she is not completely dependant on him, encourage her to have fun with her friends and family etc. Maybe ensure she has lots of access to birth control and condoms as well so that no little accidents pop up that bind them together as parents forever before they are ready.

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