How do I deal with my MIL???

Layla - posted on 05/14/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My MIL has recently jumped off the deep end... during a phone argument she had last night with my husband (I was eavesdropping) she accused us of not taking good care of LO, feeding her rice cereal too early, fighting in front of LO and pretty much telling us we are doing a terrible job. Keep in mind that LO is the happiest baby EVER, she smiles from sun up to sun down and lights up when I or her dad walk in the room. My husband and I rarely fight so I have no idea where she got this... LO is the light of our lives and I think we take excellent care of her. MIL and FIL keep LO during the week while my husband and I work and we pay them for this... She is constantly questioning me when I tell her to what I want her to do with LO; (what to feed, how much...) She has also vaguely mentioned that LO is overweight (she is in the 40th percentile!!!!) I am to my breaking point and if she continues I am going to let her have it... My husband tries to handle her but he beats around the bush and she doesn't get it... How do I deal with this?? HELP!!!

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/14/2013

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Well, since you are already paying for it, i would be looking for a daycare. Problem solved. And of course let her know why. I guarantee her tune will change.

Amanda - posted on 05/20/2013

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Time for a new sitter.... and when you change sitters you let her know that she has overstepped her boundaries... although she is grandma, mom trumps grandma every time... and if she continues to overstep her boundaries that you will be forced to limit contact even further.... she had her chance to raise her baby(s)... but now its time for her to be grandma NOT mom.... if you don't stand your ground now you are giving her permission and encouragement to continue walking all over you.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/14/2013

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Your the mom and no one can take that from you hunny! I also have a very controlling mil . She doesn't go as far to say we don't care for our lo properly, but she shows up uninvited, tries insisting what clothes I put on her, told me I held my lo too much and would " spoil her". I have an amazing daughter who is speaking sentences at 15 months old and can count to 5 in English and Spanish, so whrn she tries to intervene I tell her " I know What I'm doing , the proof is in the pudding" . It sounds like you might need to reconsider who cares for her during the week. You can't have this woman be so involved in your babys daily life if she can't respect her boundaries. What happens when your kid is 16 and she tries going above your head and making decisions you don't agree with , or even worse trying to brainwash your kid that you wernt good parents? It sounds like she might not have been mother of the year to get kids so she is trying to " make up" for her mistakes by putting the blame on you and trying to be the perfect parent to a child that's not hers

Lacye - posted on 05/14/2013

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I would find somewhere else to take her while you and your husband are at work. If she is going to act like that, then she needs to take a step back and butt out for a little while.

Alicia - posted on 05/20/2013

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I agree find a new sitter first thing. also let her know that LO is your baby and while you do appreciate the advice and you will take it under consideration YOU and your husband are her parents and YOU two will decide whats best for LO. let her know that you are following your instinct. dont worry about it. as for the rice cereal maybe there was a need for it. i dont know my oldest we started giving her rice cereal at 5 months because she refused the breast. my youngest started rice cereal at 4.5 months cause she was under weight. under weight only is a concern if there is a major jump. my youngest was under weight at the 15th percentile because she went from the 200th prencentile to the 15th. thats under weight. a baby should double their bith weight at 6 months a triple the birth weight by 12 months. so dont worry jsut tell her that i do to my grandma and she is on me all the time about it.

dont worry you are doing great remember that and as long as your happy, hubbys happy and of course your pride and joy is happy thats all that matters

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Josie - posted on 05/20/2013

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Time to find a new sitter or a trustworthy (with good references) day care. I had some issues with my MIL and FIL. They were calling my children vulgar names when they were loud or playing around in the living area. MIL & FIL didn't read or interact with them, unless it was to shout at them for doing nothing wrong. I stopped bringing my children to their home. They knew what they did was wrong and never apologized for it.

We visit them on occassion now, but for brief periods only. No more leaving them there, to cause further emotional damage.

Good Luck with LO...

Denise - posted on 05/20/2013

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You and your husband should have a heart to heart with her. Show her a unified front. Explain to her how much it hurts you when she undermines you. I'm a grandma. Its hard not to worry. But, no sitter is going to love your baby like grandma.

Kimberly - posted on 05/20/2013

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She is out of line but jist know its just words and they cant hurt u. She is your baby. She had her turn. Now its yours. Keep repesting to her that u appreciate her worry howevrr u are good parents.

Vicki - posted on 05/14/2013

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Find a new baby sitter. You are paying anyways.

It's hard when you let a grandparent baby sit on a constant basis. They begin to feel like they have a right to have input on how you are raising your child. So if you can't stand up to her and put her in her place, it's time to change the situation.

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