How do I explain to my parents who live in Illinois, while I'm in Michigan, that my daughter won't be able to come down to their house every summer for a week to stay with them?

Amber - posted on 08/04/2012 ( 15 moms have responded )

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I live in Michigan with my husband and daughter, while the rest of my family lives in Illinois. My parents got the impression that they are entitled to my daughter coming down to their house for one week every summer to spend the week. We did it for a few years, now its just getting harder and harder due to the fact that she wants to be involved in things and we just don't want to be away from her for that long with so much distance. Also, the fact that they don't continue with the rules that we put in place for her that she has grown accustomed to. How do I tell my parents that she won't be coming down there every summer?

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Amy - posted on 08/04/2012

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Just out of curiosity why is the distance a problem now when it wasn't in the past? I get that your daughter is older and that she's involved in more activities, but unless your daughter has specifically said she doesn't want to go anymore I don't see a problem with a week. If your daughter said she doesn't want to go next year explain to your parents now do not wait till next summer roles around so they aren't surprised by it. Don't give a bunch of reasons that aren't really legitimate since it's been ok for many years and now it's a problem, just say she would rather be in camps, clubs, and with friends and she feels she's missing out on stuff at home.

Dora - posted on 08/05/2012

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Tell them exactly what you just wrote here, they will either respect your decision or they will be immature and complain, either way you call the shots

Lacye - posted on 08/04/2012

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Dove, when I see "involved in more things", I automatically see dollar signs flashing before my eyes. LOL It's a habit.

Amber - posted on 08/04/2012

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we have to bring her or pick her up. distance involves a good chunk of gas money:( they havin money issues too so they cant do both. im havin a hard time doin one way:(

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/04/2012

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I think it is nice that they want her there for a week. I would be prone to letting them.

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Dina Bin - posted on 08/04/2012

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i would like to see my grand kids, when my kids get merry and have there own .i think it s important to keep good relations ship with your parents,a,and kids grow with lots of memory ,plus your parents need that care and feeling connected, with you after they spend there life time taking care of you, when you were young .if you dont feel confortable.then i would suggest you go with here .or invite them to come over, when you cant offered to go .and it could be in winter holiday ,or spring break ,insted of summer time or even along weekend.

Dove - posted on 08/04/2012

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After hearing that they stop calling you when they are mad at you.... Do whatever you think is right/best and don't worry about what they say/think about it. Love should NOT be conditional and giving the silent treatment (other than maybe a day or two to 'cool off') to someone that you love is just ridiculous.... especially your own child!

I'd be worried about what type of influence they may be to your child if SHE does/says something to upset them.

Gemma - posted on 08/04/2012

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Your parents stop calling you when they are mad??? Sounds like emotional blackmail to me. Do what's right for you and your daughter if you can't afford it say so, if they can't afford it either then problem solved. It's not the end of the world.

Amy - posted on 08/04/2012

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I live in CT my parents live in NY we meet half way at a mall and do what my father refers to as a "hostage exchange". My kids are heading back up for their third and final visit for the summer, my kids love going and my husband and I are both working so it works for us. Explain to your parents that you don't have the money if they want to see her they'll find a way. That seems to be the only legitimate excuse you have to not sending her. By the way I save money by sending them because I don't have to feed them, or entertain them.

Amber - posted on 08/04/2012

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money and they have a problem with ' this time wont work'. i never said she can never go.. just having issues telling them this summer wont work. i havent even said anything yet and my dads sayin ' u know how much u will hurt ur parents if she doesnt'. im a daddys girl and have issues telling him no on things. they always think im being too emotional and 'u cant shelter her forever'. i just get worried they are going to be completely upset. they already stop calling me when they are mad at me. sorry! im a young mom and dont have any mom friends to really pour out to:(

Lacye - posted on 08/04/2012

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If it really is about not having the money, then just tell them that yall don't have the money. They can't really have hurt feelings because yall can't afford to send her down there. If they offer to come and get her, then let her go. She would probably love to go see her grandparents for the week. Just be honest with your family.

Dove - posted on 08/04/2012

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It's a week and they're her grandparents. If you'd never let her before... I could understand that as I am not comfortable with the concept of my kids being away from me for that length of time.

If this were ME in this situation now... Unless you have legitimate, serious concerns that are new issues (nothing you mentioned in the op would stop me)... I'd keep sending her.

Sherri - posted on 08/04/2012

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Began with a positive: Mom we have really appreciated you having our daughter for week long vacations in the past. We know how important it is for her to spend time with you; however we have a challenge and maybe we can work something out. Due to her involvements and the distance we would like to consider some other options. (You could then propose that she come visit you that way she would have that time and you could supervise and gently address the guidelines that you want her to follow.

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