How do i forgive my sons father?

[deleted account] ( 8 moms have responded )

My sons father left me when I was pregnant , went to another state, got married , had two other children while I was in my state pregnant. He has had nothing to do with my son , my son is almost 4 years old and has never met his father. Now , my sons father is going through a divorce and wants to be here for us , is what he told me! I don't know how to deal with this , I don't know what to do! I have been hurt for a really long time over this. His family don't even know about my son. What do I do? He wants me to up- root my life and move to another state with him. Advice please. Thanks.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/09/2014

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Well, he had to have been moving pretty darn fast to have not one, but two other children born to other women that he slept with AFTER he got you pregnant, but their kids were born while you were pregnant...LOL...timeline there is a little off.

But regardless, he's the biological father of your child. If he chooses to go for visitation, and petition for custody, it's his right to do so, whether he's had anything to do with you since the child was born or not. You don't have to uproot and move, but you should be willing to advocate a relationship between your child and their biological father.

Leslie - posted on 01/09/2014

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The relationship he has with the child is completely different then one with you. I've been in a similar situation though now I'm the one remarried and my sons bio father still ignores our 11 year old son. A man who chooses to do what your child's father did, is not worthy of you. Set your standards higher. He left you pregnant and is now divorcing yet another women with two of his children. This speaks about his character. He can slowly get to know his child and live up to his obligations there. You should be supportive of them making that bond. I have no anger to my sons bio father cause I've moved on, understand exactly who he is and know we deserve better. He's welcome to his supervised visitation if he so chooses. But I can't control him and I decided long ago he wasn't going to control me through anger. All in all if it were me I'd look at his track record on how he treats he baby mamas and realize he isn't worthy.

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Jodi - posted on 01/09/2014

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Tammy, to be fair, you did say in your OP that all this happened while you were in your state pregnant. So it is understandable that people interpreted that in a way you didn't intend.

[deleted account]

OK, let me clear this up for you. He got me pregnant then got deployed met a woman married her and now has 2 children with her! My son was born first. He DID NOT have any other children when I dated him.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/09/2014

13,264

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2015

Ok, so he didn't "leave you", he was sent on deployment while you were pregnant. And he didn't have 2 other children while you were pregnant, sounds like he had one child already, and another on the way, as well as yours. So, sounds like he sleeps around a bit, but still...

The demographics don't matter. He's still the biological father of your child, correct? He still has rights to that child. Your best bet is to get to court, get paternity established, ask for support, and visitation. Or, he can do it through the JAG office...and you may not like the outcome of that.

[deleted account]

Well he had to leave my state because of being in the Navy. And he has been in Italy for 3 years.

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