How do I get my 5 year old to quit telling me she hates me?

SANDRA - posted on 09/03/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My 5 year old daughter tells me that she hates me every time she does not get what she wants. This happens everyday for almost a year now. Sometimes it just throws me into tears. She is my only child and I had invitro to have her. I work 12 hour shifts at a factory. She does this to her father sometimes as well, but more with me. I don't know what to do...

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Firebird - posted on 09/03/2012

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My 7 year old daughter just got out of that habit recently. When it started I would laugh and tell her "Good. If you hate me, that means I'm doing my job!". After a while though, she started to say "You're supposed to cry!" Well, venting frustration is one thing, but actively trying to inflict pain on someone is a punishable offense that got her grounded off the Wii for 2 days every time she tried. She didn't like that very much, so she stopped.

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Dove - posted on 09/03/2012

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Ignore it or blow it off. Do not let her know how much it upsets you. She doesn't really mean it. She's just expressing her frustration at the situation. I can't tell you how many times my 4 year old says that he wishes he had a good Mommy that would let him do whatever he wants. I always tell him... that wouldn't be a good Mommy. That would be a bad Mommy. A good Mommy cares more about doing what is best for you and raising you to do what's right instead of just making sure you are happy all the time.



If she says she hates you.... that's typically a pretty good indicator that you're doing something right. ;)

Amy - posted on 09/03/2012

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Ignore it, I usually respond by saying that's too bad I love you and then walk away. Once someone knows something bothers you they usually keep doing it for a reaction.

Michelle - posted on 09/03/2012

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Mary is right if you give her the power to hurt you she will, she is 5 and between the ages of 3 and about 6 is when they learn how to deal with others. She hurts you makes you cry so now you feel how she does as she is sad or upset you said no. It is sort of like eye for an eye. Just either ignore her or politely tell that it is to bad because you love her and ignore the rest of the tantrum

Mary - posted on 09/03/2012

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Don't give her the satisfaction of a response. When I was little, and I would say "I hate you!" to my mom, she would breezily reply, "Oh, I'm sorry you feel that way, because I love you, no matter what.". She would then go on with whatever it was she was doing or saying, as if that proclamation had absolutely no impact on me whatsoever. I stopped saying it, since when I did, I got about as much of a reaction from her as if I had said, "I had toast with breakfast". She removed the power of those words with her rather blase attitude and lack of reaction.

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