How do I get my child's father to share in the chores?

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Cecilia - posted on 10/08/2013

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I do try to not flip out over it truth be told. I went and took a nap and actually when I did wake up he started the dishes. I would prefer the dishes to be done 3 or more times a day, but he doesn't do it that way and it drives me crazy. I didn't argue, which says a ton for me lol.

Marchette, I personally would just say exactly what you said, it's killing our relationship. The situation has to change one way or the other. Explain you just need more help. If you have to have him make a list of the things he does in the household and the things you do in the household. Maybe just writing it down will help him see he is being unfair. Even if you only have him do it every 3 days for you. That way you know you have a break coming in a few days it will help to keep you from feeling resentful too much. Remember it isn't what you say but how you say it. Possibly write it down yourself so you can reread it and reword as needed rather than letting emotions feed into it too much.

I know I pick on my husband because he doesn't do nearly as much as me but the truth is he does a ton more than some. Every other night he cooks and every other night he is responsible for bath. He does bedtime and wake up routines. The rest of the day is mine though. I like knowing I don't have to cook on a night, even though it will mean i'm doing bath that night.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/08/2013

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My hubby and I divided chores from day one, so when the kiddos came along, it was just natural to continue with that division. It's changed some over the years as the kids are older, and doing more and more around the house, but this is a conversation that you need to have with your spouse/partner/SO sooner, rather than later.

Nothing gets accomplished by not facing up to it. Sit your men down, explain what you need from them, and start divvying up the chores. BUT...you need to remember, he may not (for example) fold the laundry like you would like...but leave it alone. If the laundry's getting done, it doesn't matter how it's folded, as long as it is.

Our biggest argument in the last 10 years has been that he's not happy with the way I load the dishwasher. Well, I'm not happy with the way he folds the towels, either. We agree to disagree, and each do it our own way.

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Marchette - posted on 10/11/2013

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Before i saw the last two comments i have been trying to approach him in a calm and decent manner and it still ends up disastrous, i know his mom is a housewife but up until this moment i think he has failed to realize that he didn't pick up a housewife, I am working as hard as he does considering that we do the same kind of job, he has really blocked his mind to these chores and has literally blocked me out, truth be told I no longer get upset but actually I know in my heart that its not a good sign. I feel like i am pulling on threads that are about to just burst away.

Marchette - posted on 10/08/2013

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As a result of this problem, our relationship is decomposing like a human corpse. We both work 40 hours per week, then he wants to relax at home while i take care of the kids, clean the house, hand wash the clothes, cook and do errands on the road and i am not about to take that and say nothing so as a result we argue everyday or ignore each other whichever works for the moment...i was hoping for a way to resolve it but it looks very gloomy. Just to say every other aspect of our lives is good except that.

Cecilia - posted on 10/06/2013

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I need to know also lol. My husbands job is to do dishes. Right now I asked him to go clean in there so I could work on making cinnamon rolls while the babies sleep. He's sitting here doing nothing still.... So rather than fighting i'm going to take a nap. It's not going to get done while I sleep. The truth is he knows it will drive me mad before it bothers him, so in the end I'll do it.

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