How do I get my mother-in-law to do waht we ask of her while she is with out newborn?

Cara - posted on 07/09/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have a 8 week old baby and i am dreading leaving him with my MIL because she continues to do things that we ask her not to do with our son. For instance, she uses blankets with him while he is sleeping even though we have asked her not to. We had this issue as well as others with her and my oldest son as well. We have had a number of conversations with her about these things, and she continues to say OK and then just does whatever she wants. What can I do??

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Krista - posted on 07/09/2012

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You may need to find someone else to leave your baby with, I'd say. If you've talked to her numerous times about this, and she still just blithely ignores you, then there probably isn't too much that will sway her.

Your son (NOT you) needs to talk to her one last time and say, "Mom, I know that you did a great job raising me, but you had the right to raise your kid(s) the way you felt was best. We need you to respect our right to do the same, and our authority as the baby's parents. If you can't give us that basic respect, then you're really leaving us no choice but to make alternative arrangements for watching the baby."

Yes, grandparents will do things differently. And if it's not risking your child, then sometimes it pays to just bite your tongue and let them do things their way. But the blanket thing is a safety issue.

Another option, if you don't feel like being confrontational, is sometime when you're together (but she's not watching the baby), fib and say, "Oh, did you see that horrible news story last week? Some poor little baby, not even three months old, suffocated in his crib. He'd wiggled up against the blanket until it was right in his face, and then couldn't breathe. Those poor, poor parents. It's awful, because it's so preventable -- I mean, EVERYBODY knows that it's dangerous for tiny babies to have blankets!"

Sneaky? Yes. Manipulative? Yup. Effective? Hopefully.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/09/2012

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I agree with both ladies on all points. I really like the recommended phrases Krista offered up. Very tactful.

Faye - posted on 07/09/2012

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My only piece of advice would be for yo uto gather info from the BIG BOYS! All the experts can not be wrong! Present it to her long before you want/need her to care for the baby. That way she has time to read it before the needed time.

I was lucky in that my MIL never went behind our back and done anything that we asked her not to do. She was the best and I wish she was here now to see her Great Grand Daughter grow.

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