How do I get my one year old to stop hitting me?

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Beverly - posted on 01/18/2012

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my daughter is very frustrating at this time. she is almost a 1 ¹/2 and if she doesnt want to do something or doesnt like something she will hit kick claw and bite. she throws frequent temper tantrums and will throw herself on the floor and pound her head and kick. this happens on a daily basis sometimes more than once. spanking doesnt help telling her no is a joke the only thing that works is putting her in her room and shutting the door so she cant see me. when she stops the fits i let her out of her room.

Renee - posted on 11/24/2008

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At one year old, she is too young for time-out and too young for hitting her hand and telling her "no". Hititng her hand will reenforce the hitting. You have to immediately grab her hands, firmly yet gently, look her straight in the eyes and say sternly "no hitting". By only saying "no" she won't understand what she did wrong, but saying "no hitting" while holding her hands, the message will be clear.



Time-out is a great tool, if done properly. I disagree with the opion earlier expressed that all kids the of time-out method are brats that people don't want to be around. My son (age 7) grew up with time outs and he is the best behaved child...we can take him anywhere and I never have to worry about him acting up. In fact, he hasn't had to have a time out in several years, and no spankings, smacks, nothing.



Once your child is older, and is able to understand logic and be able to reason with you, you will be able to explain what behaviour is expected. But for now, a firm voice and a very brief explaination is all that is needed.

Amanda - posted on 11/24/2008

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i used to show her gentle. I'd say "no gentle" and then hold her hand and rub my arm or his/her teddy with it showing gentle stroke. It really is the age tho as they are learning about their body and life.

Caroline - posted on 11/25/2008

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hi i would look at why she is hitting you, is it to get you to do things for her or look at what she is doing

if not, time out move her away from you and tell her no, do not look or talk to her or she will be just keep doing it

Chrissy - posted on 11/24/2008

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My youngest went through this. I took him to Dr's and talked with Nurses and Pediatricians and googled - I tried everything. But in the end they all said the same thing. Its a phase - he will grow out of it, but dont let him get away with it. time outs and make sure he knows what he is doing is wrong. He is doing out of frustration cause he cant use words to express his feelings. It will be OK! :)

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Satrina - posted on 11/24/2008

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They all seem to do this. The worst things to do are hitting back (this was recommended to me but my boy saw it as a sign that this is acceptable and hit me even more) and making a joke of it (again, they will do it more). I have tried sternly saying no. This works about half the time and I have tried ignoring the behaviour (again, worked half the time). The last time he did it I feigned tears and that was very effective. My 2 yr old still hits me but I think largely that he is growing out of it. Try a few different things and give it time.

Meagan - posted on 11/24/2008

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I agree with time outs. I have a one and a half year old, and when he hits I give him a warning, I tell him 'do not hit mommy', the third time that he hits i tell him that I am giving him a time out, just enough time for him to settle down, 30 seconds to a minute, and then expain to him why I don't want him to hit. You do have to be very consistant, and react immediately, and of course follow through with time outs whenever it happens and no matter where you are. I always feel that negative behavior deserves negative reinforcement(which means being separeted from mom) and that positive behavior deserves positive reinforcement, when your child is behaving appropriately you prasie them and they will soon learn which behavior is more enjoyable for everyone. and remember it is the age of the child as well, they will test you because this is where they are in there development... good luck

[deleted account]

My 16 month old never hit me out of anger, he was very playful about it. (maybe he thinks he's patting me, because he sees me doing it?) which doesn't make it any better, but it just makes me think popping his hand, or putting him in time out isn't necessarily the way to go.

[deleted account]

i kinda have to agree that time outs usualy end up not so effective later on.but poping them on the hand doesnt always either(like mine thinks its a hitting fest and keeps on).i do believe in spanking(the right way- there is a thin line btween that and hiting)but it doesnt always work.different situations call for different punishment.find what works.

and remeber at this age it is very hard to express there needs.hitting can be a result of wanting to play or throwing a temper,but you absolutly can not let it continue(that doesnt mean it want take time to get through to him)just never let it be ok to hit.he will get the idea.

[deleted account]

PS All my friends (and sister) that used time outs have very, very
non-respectful and annoying children. Nobody wants to be around those kids.

[deleted account]

Time outs? Ladies, please...
You stop this behavior now. For some reason your child has figured out that this is okay!
Remember, it is not your job to be friends! Grab their arm, firmly and
very sternly say no!
Don't be sweet, or say, "this is the nice touch". Are you kidding me?
Remember, children are pretty dumb- or they wouldn't need us as parents!
And you are the Adult-they are the kid.

Henriette - posted on 11/24/2008

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you know- i used time outs for my first child- she is 4 now--- but now i have another baby-- she is almost 9 mo.... and i see in her the reaction or action of her body when she is trying to express herself--- she does not mean to HIT - she can't really control her body well yet-- right!?! so at the age when the "hitting" STARTS-- they have already been hitting since day one!! so i say just be nice in directing them-- i don't think smacking their hand is the way to go b/c you are just reinforcing hitting-- i have seen it in many of my friends kids--- "do as i say not as i do" doesn't really work with young kids!!!! anyway-- i don't think a one year old needs to be in time out-- they are tooo young and don't really understand what's going on--- a great book is "children are from heaven" by john gray.... anyway- hope this helps in explaining more about where the child is coming from-- not just what to do about it--- you certainly need to teach them not to do it - but do it by "being nice!" model what behavior you want!!!! may blessings to you and yours!!!!

[deleted account]

if your child is like my second,im sure you are very frustrated!my son doesnt respon to no nor any other type of disipline,he is a throw yourself on the ground laugh at you and do it more kind of person.very different then my daughter who crys when you simply raise your voice.

my advice is try servel things.when mine throughs a fit i leave the room(well i hid he thinks i leave)and soon gets over it b/c it showed him it got him no where.when he hits i grab his hand brush my face with it over and over and say "love mommy" eventualy he trys to do it his self and looses intrest in hiting. diferent things work diferently from kid to kid...trial and error.but absolutly do not let him continue hiting.do not ever let him do it sometimes or he will think it is ok sometimes and not ok the othertimes.stay strong.

Brenda - posted on 11/24/2008

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May I say, get on it now.
My kids always hit me. Now they are older, and it turned to abuse on their part. I have done everything I can to stop this. He is even in anger therapy. Once they get bigger it's allot harder to control, if at all. And allot more dangerous.

Amanda - posted on 11/24/2008

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I agree time outs work best its exhausting at first but after a while it works!! But you have to be consistent or else do not bother with it toddlers take time and alot of energy but they also thrive for that boundary setting and rules be stern and let him/her know you mean business if they move out of the time out just keep replacing them there good luck!

Joni - posted on 11/24/2008

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get eye level to your 1 yr old, and tell him/her you love them but will not accept them using their hands for hitting, give them a time out and explain to them why they are there in their time out. After he or she sits for a little by theirselves, explain to them again, and tell them you love them. Thats what I did after watching a episode of nanny 911. Hope all works out

[deleted account]

Mine is 16 months old, I'm dealing with the same thing. I grab his hand and firmly tell him "no, be gentle. Be sweet to mommy" I am amazed at how much he understands! Anyway, that's what is working for me right now. Good luck :-)

Jamie - posted on 11/24/2008

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Be firm, but gentle and say "No hitting." Take his/her hand in yours and show them a "nice touch." Say things like, "See, this is a nice touch. Be nice to Mommy. That hurts mommy when you hit her." It sounds cheesy but it is how we redirect children in child care and it has worked. It just takes consistency. It also worked on my 4 year old when she was little. We will now be working on my 18 mo old son next. If he she hits again, say "No, be nice to Mommy," or something like that, and show him her the nice touch again. Consistency and remaining calm is key!

Char - posted on 11/24/2008

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I would crab her hands and tell her "no hitt'' , I've even pretended to cry so they see it hurts, my daughter stopped quickly doing this some times she cries cause she felt bad making me cry.

[deleted account]

What we always did was tell our boys "no!" very firmly (not enough to scare them...that's fairly easy to do when kids are one year old) and then we would smack the top of the hand that did the hitting. They definitely know what "no" means at that age :)

Corrie - posted on 11/24/2008

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Time outs. Simple time outs that separate your child from you for even just 30 seconds are helpful. It stops the behavior and removes them from you. Make sure that initially your face shows disappointment and that they are completely deprived of your attention during the time out. They only work if you use it every time, if it only happens every once and a while or when he/she hits you hard then the time outs are pointless and they wont learn anything.

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