How do I get my son to be close to others ?

Alyssia - posted on 01/15/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My so bentley one years old he will be two this year well my son real close to me and he will not go to anybody are he wont stay with anybodyhe holds his breayh all the time he wont even stay or go with his own dad what should I do

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Ariana - posted on 01/16/2013

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I would try to 'train' him to go with his dad first. Have you and his dad play with him and then say I'm going to go for 1 minute, I just need to go get this! And rush over to get something (or w/e) and come back. Tell him what a great job he did etc. Do this multiple times in the day. Then after you've done this for a couple days (having him with his dad and going wait! Just one minute, I'll be right back, and leaving and rushing back) start trying for a longe period of time.

So get them involved in something and go I've got to use the bathroom one minute! And go off to the washroom and come back. Repeat basically the same thing of doing it multiple times a day and over a couple of days. Keep making the time longer and longer. Do you mean you can't leave him for a couple of hours or just he's attached to you all the time? If it's for longer put on a timer for 20 minutes and tell him you'll go out and come back. When you go out have whoever's with him try to start a fun activity before you leave, and come back before the timer goes off or right when it will go off.

Basically you just keep showing him, I leave, I come back, I tell you I'm leaving, then I come back. It's also important to try and talk with whoever you're leaving him with (especially if it's not his dad). It's sort of like tranferring your authority to the other person and showing the child that this other person is alright, have both of you around the child and then have the other person start doing a fun activity with the child.

Also tell the child if you're going don't sneak out. That will just make him more nervous and he'll watch you closer and hold onto you more next time. Even if he cries it's better for him to realize that you told him you left, you said for how long (even though at this age he probably won't understand that) and you came back! It might take a while but it is setting up a good habit for later.

My son also cried when I left him with anyone other than my mom.

For holding his breath just ignore it, it's just a tactic to try and get you upset (which it probably does).

So were you just trying to get him to stay with someone (like his dad) for a little bit to give you a break or were you trying to get him a babysitter or daycare?

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