how do I get over being so angrywith my son's dad?

Yari - posted on 07/21/2013 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Hi, im asingle mom of 3 and I am very angry with my kids dad I just cannot get over i, I try so much to deal with it on my own, and the worst part is he still tries to be with me and say he loves me and wants to be with me, ido love him sooo much maybe more every day that passes, but how I cannot trust even if i try the bad memories keep coming back :( I sometimes cry myself to sleep because ithurts so deeply.. he just cannot understand he hurt me a lot, how do I know he is not lying again?.. how do I know he's being honest?.. I want to make it work for the kids but I dont know if I can.

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[deleted account]

Usually, I agree with almost everything Amy says, but I have to disagree on this one.

You can never trust another person. There really is no way to tell if someone is lying, or if they have ever lied to you, or if they will lie to you in the future. What you have to decide is this:
Do I love this person enough to risk being hurt again? Take a good look at the pain you are in right now, really feel how much it hurts, and decide--Is being with him wonderful enough to go through this again, or is being with him not wonderful enough to endure this pain again?
If the answer is yes, let him into your life. Just know that he may hurt you again, and be prepared for it. If he does, you have no one to blame but yourself, because ultimately, YOU are the one who decided to keep him in your life, even after you knew the pain the could cause you.

If the answer is no. If you decide that the joy you get from spending time with him is not enough to endure this kind of pain again, then push him to the perimeter of your life. He will always be in your life because you have children with him, but you don't have to let him be close to you. Just build up a wall around your heart and move on. Everytime you miss him, just remember the pain he caused--don't bad mouth him, or make him look bad to your children, just use it as a reminder to keep your distance. Over time, time will heal the hurt and you will get stronger.

Amy - posted on 07/21/2013

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The only way you're going to be able to make it work is if you trust him. If you are constantly going to wonder and think about the last then you should move on. You can try counseling (couples) to see if you can rebuild together but only you know if you're going to be able to forgive and forget.

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Jovanna - posted on 07/22/2013

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Try to cooperate because of your son but think of it as this, he's your son dad and that's all. Try to move on from the past history of the dad and you

Jovanna - posted on 07/22/2013

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Try to cooperate because of your son but think of it as this, he's your son dad and that's all. Try to move on from the past history of the dad and you

Jovanna - posted on 07/22/2013

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Try to cooperate because of your son but think of it as this, he's your son dad and that's all. Try to move on from the past history of the dad and you

Jovanna - posted on 07/22/2013

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Try to cooperate because of your son but think of it as this, he's your son dad and that's all. Try to move on from the past history of the dad and you

[deleted account]

You can also see a psychologist. A psychologist cannot prescribe drugs, they will talk to you, work through your problems, and prescribe exercises and behavioral changes to help you deal with the pain.

Be very careful to see a psychologist if you wish to treat your anxiety without drugs, NOT a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist will give you drugs.

Yari - posted on 07/21/2013

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That is just what I been thinking kelly, thank you it's better to hear it from someone else,,

Yari - posted on 07/21/2013

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Thank you, I have been thinking about yoga some people say it really works I just say I might have t o try it.. I know the pain will eventually fade but this is wheni really need it right now, people around me just resolve everything w alcohol or meds and i am not that person but thanks!!

Barbara - posted on 07/21/2013

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u can do it with out meds please try yoga g
good luick with whichever path u take!

Barbara - posted on 07/21/2013

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Try yoga. It is great for relaxing. some people don't do it because of religious beliefs but I don't c anything wrong with practicing both. Best of everything

Yari - posted on 07/21/2013

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Thank you Barbara that is exactly what happens I have this feeling so strong, that i get panick attacke, or anxiety attacks it's really been hard.. and I know if I get some profesional help they end up with meds and i do not want that I know I can do it.

Barbara - posted on 07/21/2013

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The only person I found I can truly rely on (besides my Mom) is myself. Trust yourself trust your own judgment, TRUST your GUT most of all. When I was younger I would get a feeling that something was not right and not know what it was. Now I know it was my gut or an instinct or women's intuition.
Think with your head not your heart. Children learn what they live and if they see someone (you) not standing up for themselves (even if they don't know what is going on they sense it) You will only relive this pain 10 times over when you watch your children make the same mistakes you made. Good Luck.

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