How do i get respect from my 13 year old son

Marcia - posted on 07/03/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My son blames me for things gone wrong in his life. He has refused in the past to go to school, he has turned into a thief, bully, stubborn, person. His dad has talked negative things about me over the years to my son example. 'I like to work and your mum doesn't' or your mums works with special needs people to make her feel clever and goodness knows what else. as a result Father and I do not speak, my son is in care. I am trying right now to see my son every week and keep talking to him to become good again, I tell him I love often but still no respect. He does nothing I ask him to do, so how can I take him home permanently?!!. I am so sad my only son is turing out like this. He had a good start,private school etc and he did his GCSE in Math because of his high ability. Yet he is in an immature emotional state.

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Marcia - posted on 07/03/2012

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Holly,

You are right that we need family therapy but the UK is very slow, We were in Newyork (2009) where his father lives and we got family therapy ever since we have been back no therapy has taken place. I have asked for it still nothing. Thank you for your response

Holly - posted on 07/03/2012

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Marcia, your question is hard to answer because we don't know the whole situation. There are many reasons children act the way he does. In addition to hearing negative things about you from his father, his behavior sounds like he is angry and seeking attention, even if it is negative attention..I should tell you that I am not a psychologist or trained in this, but I am a single mother of two children, a daughter 9 and a son who is 15 and have always been interested in pursuing a career in psychology.
His age has a lot to do with his actions also. 13 is an extremely hard time for a child...his body is changing, his hormones are changing, he is trying to assert his independence. He may not even understand what is happening and why he is rebelling. It is normal, to a degree.
Without knowing the specifics of your relationship and that of his father's, it is difficult to offer the right advice. Have you tried putting him in counseling? Individual and/or family counseling can be very helpful. It sounds like he is intelligent, he just needs some help dealing with his anger and emotions.
One thing that is super important is his relationship with is father. I believe one of the worst things we can do to our children who come from a broken family is to talk bad or negative about the other parent. The issues between you and your ex are just that...between you and him. He should never put his child in the middle. That is a huge part of the problem. Again, I don't know the whole situation with you and your ex, but that needs to stop. I grew up in a broken family and always heard awful, negative things about my dad, most of which turned out to be not true. I resented her for a long time for doing that and I never did (or do) that to my children about their fathers...(and believe me, there is plenty I could say about them - lol). I am 47 now and have a great relationship with my dad. I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to get to know him better and see for myself what kind of person he is.
Anyway, I wish you good luck and hope things turn around for you and your son. If you need to, keep in touch and let us know how things transpire....Holly ~ hollym883@aol.com.

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