How do I handle him?

Audrey - posted on 07/20/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hey y'all! I've been having problems with my unborn child's father for quite some time now, I need a bit of advice.

I am almost 10 weeks pregnant come Monday, we found out when I was 4 weeks. We ended up breaking up shortly after because our relationship was NOT healthy by any means. All we ever did was fight because he was a bit controlling and I was rather jealous of the way he acted around my former close friend. Something just wasn't "right."

Ever since then our "friendship" His and mine, has been rather wishy washy. It got physical at one point because he kept insisting I abort and I just wasn't having it. I decided then and there that I was going to contact his father and tell him exactly what was going on, which was not advisable on my part. My child's father ended up shattering my phone and I couldn't contact anyone. That's when the physical confrontation occured, on both parts. I overreacted, as did he. Since then we have been some what civil but every time we talk we end up fighting. He goes from telling me how he cannot wait for our baby to be born to telling me I'm a nasty slut and the child is not his. He is so wishy-washy.

I really wish I knew what to believe or how to react to his childish behavior. I ended up blocking his number for a bit, removing him off of my social networking sites and not contacting him at all. He tells me he loves me, yet an hour later he flips and tells me he wishes he had never been with me nor touched me. It's worrisome. I don't want our child to sense the animosity. It kills me to know I conceived with someone who couldn't care less about me half the time.

What should I do? Should I keep giving him chances at my heart for the sake of my child? Or should I just give up on him as more than just the person who helped me conceive. I'm tired of crying, I'm tied of feeling lousy. There's so much pain building up. I was so excited about our child coming, now I'm scared that it's going to be a battle forever!

OHHHHH! Don't forget that he claims that if I don't comply to everything he says, that his RICH mommy and daddy will file papers to try and revoke my rights as a parent and try and claim sole custody for themselves. I may only be almost 20 and in college, but I will be no means considered an unfit mother. Growing up with 12 siblings, I've had my fair share of child care. PLEASE HELP!

4 Comments

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Jennifer - posted on 01/31/2013

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You need to record or keep record of him threatening you i.e. want you to abort the child, threaten to revoke your parental right even when the child is not yet born..I agree with Jaime, go get help for yourself too. Don't give him another chance with your heart for the sake of your child. It has major bad consequence later. I know it by personal experience. Good luck and I applaud you for giving your child a chance.

Jaime - posted on 07/20/2012

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Exactly, sometimes things happen that we have no control over, but that doesn't mean that we have to be stuck in a situation just because we made a bad choice. By that I don't mean that the pregnancy was a bad choice, more so the decisions leading up to it. This is true for me as well. I have been a single mom since my son was born and although I've had some pretty significant struggles, I know that I'm much better off on my own. If it works out that your child's father does want/demand to have access, then work with it and be sure to keep a record of anything he says that is threatening or worrisome. Whether it be through text messages, phone messages, verbal encounters, etc. It's NOT okay for him to treat you like a human punching bag for his emotional meltdowns. What you need to focus on right now is being healthy mentally and physically for you and for the baby. Just take it one day at a time and you will get through it. It sounds like your mom is really supportive and you will need that to help keep your head up whenever you feel stress.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time right now, because I know what it's like to be where you are...so unsure of the future and yet so sure that despite all of the bad things that have happened, there is one tiny ray of hope growing inside of you. Just let that be your strength to pull through this :)

Audrey - posted on 07/20/2012

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Thank you Jaime, I appreciate your post. My mother was telling me the exact same as you did below. When she filed for sole custody of me when I was 15 she said the process was rather easy. Although my father was compliant with her, he did not put up a fight. I have a feeling these next 6-7 months are going to be a roller coaster of emotions and problems. But as long as I have some friends backing me, then that's all that really matters.

I don't have many friends that understand what I'm going through, a lot of them are still off in La-La land partying and acting like fools. Others have a steady relationship where they are married with children and don't seem to have any problems with their significant others. I just never thought it would be me in this situation. But who really does, right?

Jaime - posted on 07/20/2012

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"Should I keep giving him chances at my heart for the sake of my child?" NO!!!

This man does not sound like he is firing on all cylinders and the fact that his mood is extremely volatile and unstable is very unsettling. I can imagine how scared you must feel, but the best thing that you can do for youself and for your baby is to know your rights and to be prepared for everything to do with motherhood. Go to the courthouse and speak to someone about the procedure for filing for sole custody so that you have an idea of what you will need to do once the baby is born. I live in Ontario, Canada so the procedure is very simple. You go to the courthouse, request the forms for filing full custody, fill them out, bring them back to be stamped and copied and then have someone (either a lawyer, friend or family member) serve the papers to the other parent. I'm not sure if it will work the same way where you live, but knowing this information ahead of time will save you a world of confusion and stress later on.

Secondly you really should look into some counselling for yourself...even if it's just to have someone to unload all of your troubles onto. And sign up for prenatal classes because that will help you to feel more secure in your pregnancy and give you a chance to bond with other moms-to-be. It's an incredibly tough situation, but if you want to have and raise the baby on your own (with or without shared custody or access) then just take care of you.

As for his threat that his rich mommy & daddy will file for sole custody against you...good luck to them. They will have to prove your negligence and a family court judge is not inclined to just hand over a baby to his/her grandparents just because their son is having a temper tantrum and can't handle himself like a decent human being.

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