how do i handle my mother in law?

Dominique - posted on 10/15/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I am 19 years old and have been married for 2 years and have 2 kids. I am a stay at home mom and my husband works. I am currently having trouble with a meddling mother in law. My husbands mom lives less than a mile from us and she thinks she has to choose where we live and she thinks she is mom. Well she comes over everyday and if we are gone she calls us and if we tell her we are in town she is like where at in town and at what town and im sitting there thinking does it matter??? its none of her business. she has problems with control too. she tries to control where we are going to live and if we go to st joe or something like that and one of us is by ourself she thinks we cant take care of our own kids by ourself. she dresses them like its 0-20 degrees out when its 60-65 and sunny, no wind and they are always whining when they come home. she walks into mine and my husbands bedroom when we are in bed still and tried pulling the blanket off when we was sleeping (lucky her we was asleep and not doing anything else) and if we dont answer our phones she comes running over like the world is going to end and she buts into our business all the time. if we have plans and the babies are somewhere else she worries if they are with us (the parents) she worries. the only time she dont worry is if they are with her and she takes the role of mommy all the time even when im there. she thinks she has to drive me everywhere when i have the care. i am almost 20 years old and i have had my license for almost 4 years. i can drive myself. If i am taking the babies by myself she automatically jumps in the vehicle as i am leaving like idk how to take care of my own kids. she walks in mine and my husbands house like she owns the place. OH YEAH and she is constantly asking andy and i to do things for her so she can be lazy and play on the computer and its stuff she can do herself.. Last week she did that and also just yesterday (sunday) she come over and knocked on our door well since we didnt answer she come to our bedroom window and pounded on it and looked in it too. and then we didnt answer so she come back an hour later and did the same thing just to bring my daughter to church. she didnt call til after she got here the second time and was pounding on our door. we locked it for a reason and she dont get the point. we tried signs and that dont work. My husband and i have talked to her and that didnt work. she wont even listen to her husband, sister, mom, etc...............no one. What do i do? We are getting so tired of it and because of her we are stuck at the house we got put into which is less than a mile from her. we are stuck buying it no thanks to her and we dont want to live here. now we have to buy the place cuz she talked to the landowner without consulting us first.

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Ariana - posted on 10/15/2012

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Well in part the only one who can really deal with her is your husband. If you've already sat her down and told her all of this I would give her very specific guidelines (well her husband should give them to her).



So whatever it is it has to be like an actual rule. So you must call and be invited over before you come to our house or we will not answer. So if she just shows up do not answer. If she calls and you do not want her coming over tell her you are busy right now and she can see you at ______ time. Or just don't answer. When she comes over don't answer the door and tell her that you are not going to answer.



If you can drive do not let her drive you. Tell her I was planning on going by myself and doing some things later, thanks for asking. If she goes into your car tell her you appreciate her help but you can go by yourself.



Give her specific times you want her to come over, so you don't mind her coming over on Tuesday and Wednesday (after she calls) but there are certain days you'll be busy getting things done. I don't know your schedule or how often she comes over but this person needs very strict rules. She shouldn't never be allowed near the kids or anything, that will just make her get crazy and she is their grandmother.



Your husband needs to be firm with her and give her specific rules about how and when she can come over. If she tries to take over mother duties when you are around try to assert yourself more.



My moms not as bad as your mother-in-law but she used to get very upset with me when I gave my son a time-out stomping around like I was beating him or something, and at first I just stopped but eventually realized I can't just let her dictate how I act all the time and just ignored her.



Your mother-in-law needs boundaries and specific rules until she can act properly. Just spell it out for her and ignore her when she comes to your house uninvited.

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Dominique - posted on 10/15/2012

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Dove,

Yeah she is a piece of work. thats what he did and she got worse and we cant get hold of the landowner.

Dominique - posted on 10/15/2012

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I have tried asserting myself more and more and the more i do it the worse she gets and same with my husband. we have set rules for her and she doen't follow them. she we have put our foot down and talked TO HER meaning talked at her. he was very firm with her and she just got worse the more we tell her the worse she gets. its got so bad she might as well live her.

Dove - posted on 10/15/2012

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Um.... she can't make you buy a house. You simply talk to the landowner and say you don't want the house and if SHE wants you to have it... she's the one making the payments. She can't sign any contracts on your behalf....



Your husband needs to lay down the law with her and let her know what is and isn't acceptable... and he can tell her that she will respect your boundaries or you will move thousands of miles away, not tell her where you live, and not give her your new number... ever.



Sorry! She sounds like a piece of work.

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