how do i handle my rebellious 21 year old son?

Barbara - posted on 10/29/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My son is rebelling against our disapproval of a girl that he likes but she has a shady character and like to seek men's attractions which she has been doing since 12 yrs old. She is 26. Other people have concerns along with our concerns. She has stopped counseling because she is infatuated with my son that her conselor can't do any more for her. this whole situation goes deeper than what seems.

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Veda - posted on 11/01/2015

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Okay, here we go. I am a 21 year old mother of a 2-year old son. Coming from your son's angle...I hate to say it, but he's going to do what he wants because he is an adult. HOWEVER. I have a wonderful relationship with my mom, because she is supportive in every aspect of my life. She doesn't always approve of my decisions, because let's face it. She's older and wiser than I am and she does have a lot more life experience. I know she only wants what's best for me. So I always take her opinion into consideration before I make my decisions. How is your relationship with your son? Are you two close, or do you feel that this girl may be driving a wedge between you two? The only thing you can really do is be honest with him, tell him how you feel, and then leave the rest up to him. He does however need to know that you will love and support him no matter what. There is nothing better than knowing your parent(s) has your back. Don't let this girl (who may or may not be there in a year or two) damage your relationship with your son. He should be #1.

Jodi - posted on 10/29/2015

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But's she's right though - you don't like her or approve of her. So how is it manipulating him if she's simply saying it like it is?

Jodi - posted on 10/29/2015

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Uh, your son is 21. That's not called rebelling when you don't like his girlfriend. That's called him being an adult and making his own choices about his life.

Raye - posted on 10/29/2015

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Your son is an adult, and can make his own decisions about whom to date. I know you want to try to protect him from bad influences or people that will hurt him physically or emotionally. But sometimes living through it is the best teacher. It's ok to disapprove and let him know that you don't agree with choices this girl is making. You can voice your opinion, then it's up to him whether he chooses to do anything about it. Just know, if you push him too hard to dump this girl, you may succeed in driving him closer to her. Respect that he's an adult and can judge for himself. If he gets hurt, don't say "I told you so", just help him back on his feet.

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Dove - posted on 10/29/2015

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Well... YOU just said you disapprove, so maybe it's not her manipulating him... but he is simply more perceptive of you than you think.

Barbara - posted on 10/29/2015

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Actually, I never said to him that I didn't like her nor had the chance to say I approve or disapprove. she has manipulated him into thinking that I do.

Michelle - posted on 10/29/2015

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Like the other ladies have said, they are both adults and can make their own choices.
The more you tell him that you don't like her the more determined he will be to stay with her. Back off and let your son live his life.

Barbara - posted on 10/29/2015

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Yeah, she's really good at manipulating and playing "the little boy who cried wolf' card.

Dove - posted on 10/29/2015

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As long as they are both legal adults you have zero control over your son's relationships. His life choices are HIS choice and dealing w/ the possible consequences of those choices is his business.

Now... you can certainly dictate who is and is not allowed in your own home, but if you forbid this girl from being there... be prepared to not see much of your son if he is choosing to be w/ her.

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