How do I help my son not feel guilty about things out of his control?

Amy - posted on 09/26/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )




How do I help my son not feel guilty about things out of his control?(Sorry so long) Perfect example was this weekend. My son (8yrs old) really wanted to go extreme bowling (11pm-1am) so last week we set up some extra stuff we needed help with around the house & told him if he did his normal stuff plus the extra we would take him on saturday night. He did above & beyond what we asked, so saturday night we went bowling. My husband was messing around & decided to bowl with my ball & his finger got stuck etc so he ended up with a (slightly) torn muscle in his hand. My poor son was almost in tears & said he wished he hadn't compleated the chores because if he hadn't finished everything plus more, then we wouldn't have gone bowling & then dad wouldn't be hurt. It took me and my husband about 5min to calm he down & help him realize that it was in no way his fault. I felt bad. I feel it is my fault because when he gets in trouble we always go over cause & effect. Basically, your actions & decisions do not only affect you but they also affect others around you etc. What do I do now to help him realize that in situations like this it is not his fault?


JuLeah - posted on 09/26/2011




Normal at age 8. They want to have that kind of control, because if they do, can prevent bad things from happening

At age 8 he is a very 'black and white' thinker - not so much into the abstract

So, he can have fun, can be glad we went AND still bad his dad got hurt. Holding those two things in his head at the same time is hard

Dad can help by explaining he had a good time, he is glad you all went, AND, he wishes he had not used the ball

Learning what is yours and what is not is a life long lesson. He will get it in time.

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