How do I keep my daughter from telling her teacher every time she gets in trouble at home?

Shailee - posted on 01/22/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Please help! My 8 year old daughter keeps going to school and telling her teacher everytime she does something wrong at home to get out of trouble. Here is what happened recently... I have some boxes of stuff stored in the basement and she was messing around and broke one of the fancy coffee cups and didn't tell us. So she went to school and told her teacher that she broke it and started crying and said she was afraid she would get in trouble! And told him that my boyfriend (pretty much step-dad) gets mad very easily! Now we don't hurt our children! But when they get in trouble of course we get mad and sometimes yell at them and we do punish them...standing in corner, writing sentences, sent to their rooms, an extra chore, etc., and this child hates it! lol. So now her teacher is calling me almost every day telling me things that she has done and wanted to talk to me to make sure everything goes ok when she gets home!!! I'm starting to get a little irritated with this! And the way he talks has me thinking that he thinks we abuse her, and that is not the case! He has let her believe that she won't get in trouble for stuff that she should be in trouble for if she comes and tells him! I did make her sit in time out when she got home the other night for telling her teacher about the coffee cup instead of us. I'm not sure what to do, any advice would be welcomed! :)

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Jodi - posted on 01/22/2013

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You need to make an appointment to talk to the teacher. The teacher shouldn't be interfering with the discipline at home, just as you don't interfere with the discipline at school.

Jodi - posted on 01/22/2013

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I was about to say, have you talked to her about it. But I see you punished her for it. Personally, I wouldn't have done that. I would have sat down and discussed with her why she tells her teacher what she is telling him, and ask her if she understands that the teacher thinks you hurt her, and that this isn't very fair that what she tells the teacher makes him think this.

I would say the teacher is only making the calls because as a teacher, he is a mandatory reporter, but he doesn't want to report if he isn't certain. Possibly the way in which your daughter talks to him leads him to believe there MAY be abuse at home, so he is showing concern.

So in addition to talking to your daughter, I think you need to make an appointment to discuss these things with the teacher, and let him know that it really isn't his place to decide on what your daughter may or may not be disciplined for in your home, and it isn't fair of HIM to lead her to believe she won't get in trouble for things she does.

Having said that, did she get in trouble for breaking the coffee cup?

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Shailee - posted on 01/22/2013

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She did not get in trouble for breaking the cup at all, and I did sit her down and talk to her and told her that it was an accident and that I wasn't mad about the cup at all. I told her that I was disappointed in her for telling her teacher instead of me. That was just one example. I suppose a better example would be just last week her and her twin sister were climbing and swinging on the jacks in the basement, and we can actually feel the house shake when they do this, obviously they can't be doing this because it is dangerous for them and everyone else in the house! They have been told millions of times to stop and we told them that if they did it again, they would have to write a whole notebook page of sentences saying they won't swing on the jacks. And of course they did it again and they had to do the sentences. So then my daughter went to school and told her teacher that we were mean and punishing her for no reason. This child will lie or do anything to get out of trouble and I think this teacher is giving her a way to do it.

Holly - posted on 01/22/2013

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to me it is sad that she feels as though her only person to go to for understanding is her teacher. I always tell my children that if they come to me, they may get a talking to about importance of being careful, but i will understand that it is an accident. try not to be so hard on your kids, a little understanding goes a long way

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