How do I know if a teen (13) year old boys moodiness is normal or not.

Lori - posted on 04/05/2011 ( 20 moms have responded )

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13 year old boy. Pretty happy go lucky up until the last few months. I have been trying to determine if any of his new friends in middle school are bad influences. So far no confirmation. He still hangs with other friends we know well and are good kids. Just trying to determine if he is just trying to be more free and growing or if his moodiness is normal or not.

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Tina - posted on 04/06/2011

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I'm guessing it's just a stage that most teenages go through but just let him know he can come to you about anything if he needs to so if he has any problems he doesn't feel like he's alone.

Jodi - posted on 04/06/2011

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Yep, I'd say it sounds like it goes with the territory. My 13 1/2 year old gets like this too. And it WAS almost like an overnight change. He would get moody, he would get teary and upset over little things, he started mouthing off (nipped that one in the bud pretty quick smart). Honestly, if he is still hanging around with the same friends, and his grades/efforts at school don't seem to have dropped, I'd say it's just puberty. If some of his behaviour is translating in to being disrespectful, sit him down and lay down the ground rules of what is and is not acceptable.



At this age, they really are still children, but are also fighting to be treated as adults, so sometimes, rather than punishing and treating them like you don't trust them, sit them down and talk to them. Make them feel that you *get* that they sometimes feel like they have no control over their emotions, or that it is not so easy growing up sometimes, but make it clear that regardless of who they talk to or deal with in life, certain behaviours are not acceptable. Outline your expectations. You may be surprised as to how receptive he is.



Obviously, they will still make mistakes, and there will still be consequences to those mistakes (my son mouthed off at me a month ago and found himself grounded for a week, lost his phoine, all TV and computer privileges, and WOW, mum stopped doing a few things for him), but if you are able to talk to them as well, you will find that they will learn to control their moods a little better. I don't have a LOT of problems with my son these days. I'm sure there is worse to come, but this is how I have dealt with it to this point, and his moodiness and general attitude have improved.



OK, that was long wasn't it.....sorry, LOL.

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Lori - posted on 04/10/2011

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@ Lori - I found the program you told me about. I got it on Ebay for about half price. Used but listed as List New condition. I cant wait for it to come.

@ All- I have seen over the last couple days that as long as I stay calm, even when telling him what he is doing is not polite, etc, he is not reacting as much. I have never been a yeller but I can get louder when needed. I talked to my husband and we are going to start implimenting some rules which have been our rules but we have gotten a little lax on. We decided to every week set a couple rules and enforce them. We didnt want to put a full list together and overwhelm him so each week or so a couple new things that we will be firm on. We have all fell into somewhat of a rut too. We have decided each weekend to do an activity out of the house. Got for a walk at a local trail, go to the science museum, etc. My only concern is that lately all he wants to do is spend time with his friend. Mom and Dad are just not fun I guess. I know he will say " do i haveeeeee to go?" We will say yes. My question to you all is how do I handle the irritated attitude if it continues while we are out and about? Just go on and about like nothing is wrong? He is usually just quiet when he doesnt want to be somewhere. I can deal with that but if he gets mouthy? Advise please??!! We plan to get his input on where to go sometimes but lately if you ask him he says he doesnt want to go. Just want to get the family outings ( there is just the three of us) going again. We do go with other family members at times too when they can make it.

Lori - posted on 04/08/2011

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Thank you! I am not too concerned about the depression at this point. I think it is puberty . WHEN DOES IT GET BETTER!!!!???? Thanks again to all.

Paola - posted on 04/08/2011

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Well I can tell you that I have a now 15 year old & he also began changing at about 13. From my experince with him that it's just puberty. He's ok one moment & mad the next sometimes u can't even talk to him bcs everything upsets him.. Of course you need to watch him depending on the issues that you're having with him to make sure he's not depressed. Best of luck to you.

Lori - posted on 04/08/2011

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Thanks Felicia. I dont usually force him to do anything but he would stay in his room or hang around the house unless his friends are available to play. Mom and dad are not too important at the moment. Thanks for the advise!!

Felicia - posted on 04/08/2011

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I don't think forcing him to do things will help matters any. Just watch his relationships very close to make sure he is emotionally stable and not depressed. Back off for a little while but at the same time keeping boundaries an rules firm and kind of let him work through his feelings. It hard to let go when you have been use to doing things a certain way for so long but it will. He will never hate you even though it feels like it sometimes but will love you for giving him space.

Lori - posted on 04/08/2011

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Thanks. He does karate a couple days a week but other than that he would rather just sit in his room, listen to music, etc. We try get him interested in doing other stuff. He likes movies so him and his dad watch a movie or two during the week and go to the theater here and there when there is a movie they want to see. I want to keep him where he isnt bored. My concern is do I force him to go somewhere with me or not. I dont want him to be angry and look back and think I was the total mean mom by forcing him to go places with me. We have passes to Sea World, a local Science Musueum. Things like that but he never wants to go. Oh boy am I just frazzled these days.

Felicia - posted on 04/08/2011

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It will take about a year or so depending on the child. Add activity as a release and distraction it will help with the changes taking place.

Felicia - posted on 04/08/2011

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It is definitely normal for a 13 y.o to be moody due to the huge hormonal shift that is taking place in his body! Hang in there, it will even out.

Lori - posted on 04/06/2011

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http://www.thetotaltransformation.com/



It's by James Lehman it teaches us how not to make excuses for the kids bad behavior and the kids how to take responsibility for their actions.



I wish I had this program when the kids were younger it would have saved me so many parenting mistakes!



I got it on ebay a lot cheaper than buying it from James Lehman.. they say it is for defiant, obnoxious, and abusive etc behavior but lets face is they are defiant and obnoxious in Middle School.. lol



He tells you EXACTLY what to say in given situations. The 10 minute transformation was beyond indispensable! What I was doing was not helping and as soon as I started with this I saw changes in all my kids immediately! Even their teachers and other adults asked me what I was doing differently in a matter of 2 weeks.



Don't get me wrong this was not an overnight process but and I'm still not all the way through the program. But the changes in my sons attitude have been huge! And I'm even seeing son #2 stop fighting with son #3... And even better my daughter has stopped tattling on everyone.



I can't tell you how much stress has been relieved in my household from day 1 of using this. And it's simple.. the first tape I smacked myself in the head and said of course that makes perfect sense, why didn't I think of that.. lol



There is no arguing no fighting no slamming doors.. it all just stops!



Like homework time.. we have a set time for it.. if the kids are not doing what they are supposed to being doing... I simply say.. Where are you supposed to be? What are you supposed to be doing? Go there.. Do it.. I'll be back in 15 min to check on you. and walk away.

Lori - posted on 04/06/2011

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I am new to this. Thank you all for your advise. Lori, what is the total transformation program? You have peaked my interst.

Jennifer - posted on 04/06/2011

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I have 4 boys and I have to say, they are all moody. Girls start getting moody early; 5TH 6TH grade but boys are later... 13, 14 and 15 there is a huge change and they have to express themselves.

Lori - posted on 04/06/2011

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Puberty and girls.. My oldest is driving me insane this year! Moody, grades dropped.. I found when I stayed on him it got worse and turned into a drama fest.



So I started using Total Transformation Program with him. He seems to be coming around now - took almost the whole school year but it's working for me.



I also have 4 kids.. and I give each kid 1 weekend per month. I let them choose what they want to do. Sometimes it's with me, sometimes it's with Dad. But this one on one seems to be helping. (ie Dad goes camping with the Scouts, or I'll take him out for lunch and running some errands or take him to the library or a used book store) (or have him help me plan a lesson for my Girl Scout Troop.. like I let him come up with a knot tying lesson and teach it to the Girls - he loved that)



And I try to remember to praise him when he gets it right (something I don't always remember to do) But I simply tell him... "I really like it when you do this... " (got this from total transformation program). Keep it simple don't lecture cause that goes in one ear and out the other.



From everything I've learned from my friends Middle School is the worst time. I've had my kids in Scouts since they were little and I thank God for Boy Scouts cause he's made friends with some of the High School boys (these are good kids working for something and not just hanging out). I personally feel better knowing he's looking up to Justin who just earned his Eagle Scout and not just some random kid at school who he thinks is cool.



Also he goes through growth spurts.. which make them kind of achy (so my friend who is a nurse tells me) Personally I like to call it male PMS. 0_o

Lori - posted on 04/06/2011

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Thank you everyone so much for your words of wisdom, advise, enoouragement, etc. I means alot to know I am not alone. He does hang with mostly the same kids. I know he does talk about some other kids here and there but that is just a few compared to the ones I know at this point. His grades are pretty good. Nothing too drastic. He has never been too thrilled about school but he does average and still is doing average. We have always had a close relationship. It has just changed since middle school started this year and now there is a certain girl in his life that he talks to at school. They dont talk and hang out outside of school but the like each other. I have done some talking to teachers and have found out she is a pretty good kid too. I wanted to make sure she wasnt getting a really bad influence from him. Right now I have taken away his phone and Ipod ( he loves having that think in his ear all the time) because he was rude to me the other day. He says doing that only makes him angrier at us. But then later that same day he will act fairly normal but then when he asks for it back he gets all mad again and says he is being treated unfairly. He is an only child so for the most part he gets all of our attention. I am currently in school ( went back to school after being out for MANY years ) so that does take some time. I actually try to sit down and do my homework when he is doing some of his. His dad and him like to watch movies together and go bowling on the weekend. He is also in a kids bowling league and does karate a couple times a week so we do try to keep him busy but also try to give him some down time so he can relax and not feel overwhelmed.

Again thank you alllllll for all you posts. I look forward to more if anyone has more ideas, helpful hints, etc. I feel lost at the moment but know it will be up and down through these next years.

Louise - posted on 04/06/2011

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Believe me this moodiness it totally normal. I have raised two sons and they both went through the dark years as we named them. I strongly advise that you make time for him just the two of you regularly whether that is going out for dinner or to the cinema. If he knows he has no competition for your time he will open up to you and tell you what is on his mind. It is all down to hormones and they really do go through it. Just try and make allowances for him and only punish the bad stuff. This lasts until the age of about 16 when they finally turn back into that loving caring son you had before.

Brenna - posted on 04/06/2011

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Ummm, 13 AND a boy! Yup normal LOLl my 16year old is just starting to come out of this. Have patience but don’t compromise you family rules or values. He has to know its ok to be sad, angry etc but it’s not ok to take it out on his family and or belongings. There are still consequences for his actions and rewards as well. I’d get him and outlet like volunteering at a food bank/shelter or aiding homeless people. This will help him appreciate what he has and feel needed. Leave kids help line pamphlets for him and maybe a book or movie that helps him relate to someone who is in teen angst. He may roll his eyes and decide you are a dork parent but inside he will know you are a dork parent who loves him

Michelle - posted on 04/06/2011

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I'm going to vote for puberty they all get moody when they start to mature into men or woman. If you are concerned about other issues like drugs or stuff like that a child usually starts pulling away stops doing favorite activities finds all new friends. So if he is hanging with mostly the same crowd it is most likely his body is changing and with that come the mood swings.

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