How do I leave my daughters father??

Amber - posted on 11/08/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I don't know what I need to do to leave my child's father. Things haven't been good between us and I've been wanting to leave but dontt know how. We live in Texas but my family is all in Nebraska and that's my biggest problem. Am I allowed to leave and go that far away? He's always throwing in my face that I can't financially take care of her and he would get custody of her, but he doesn't know the first thing to do to take care of her. He's just financially taking care of her. I'm a stay at home mom that is always with her, since the day she was born . I've never even left her with a babysitter. I'm only 19 years old and I've never been in this situation before. Someone please help.

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Michelle - posted on 11/08/2015

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I agree with all of Shawnn's points.
If you have been to counseling and tried everything to stay together then you need to get yourself a job to start with. Once you are earning money then you can get yourself an apartment and lawyer and file for custody, visitation and child support.
Don't leave the state unless you have court approval.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/08/2015

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Get an attorney. File for child support, custody, and visitation. No, you probably won't be able to leave the state with the child, as that could jeopardize her rights to her relationship with her father.
You do NOT have the authority to determine custody on your own, nor is it legal for you to do so. You do NOT have the right to just up and leave, unless you are being PHYSICALLY ABUSED and have proof of such.
Here's the "mom" part...You had a relationship that resulted in a child. The parental relationship is not just automatic, you BOTH NEED TO WORK AT IT. it takes commitment. It takes maturity, and it takes sacrifice on both parts. If you are a partnership, it works well.

So, now I have to ask this: What kind of counseling have you been to, both individual and jointly? What kind of committments have you each made for this family, and have you both followed through? Sounds to me as if it's the 'usual'...two kids decide to have sex (ooh, fun, I know) and create a child. All of a sudden, we're not kids anymore, we're parents with responsibility...and we aren't sure what to do. Inappropriate behaviour follows, perhaps abuse, perhaps not, but it usually ends with "my baby's father is an ass and I want to leave him"...

My suggestions, in this order : Get counseling. if that doesn't work, or he refuses, get an attorney and follow the steps outlined.

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Loves2readYA - posted on 11/09/2015

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I'm so sorry to hear you've been having trouble with your daughter's father. When we have children, our focus shifts from "me centered" to "what's best for my child," right? From your comments, it seems to me as if you love him and wish you could mend your relationship. Sometimes when relationships start crumbling, we lash out at each other in anger and say things and make decisions we wish we could take back. Have you ever heard the phrase, "Hurting people hurt people?" Is it possible to work toward repairing the damage? Is he willing to do what it takes?

The main thing at this point is for you and your daughter to be in a position of safety, and his drug use is a serious issue. Can you start investigating community resources – legal aid or your county human services department – to learn more about your options? If you aren’t already, could you get involved in a church where you could find some emotional and spiritual support? Is your family aware of what’s going, and are there ways they can support you even if it is not feasible for you to relocate?

Wishing you all the best...

Raye - posted on 11/09/2015

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Legally, only the judge can decide if his drug use etc. is bad enough for him to lose rights to his child. If the relationship is un-repairable, you should get out. Find a women's shelter or some place to live and file for child support and government assistance. Then do the best you can do to raise the child. If the court does not strip the father of his rights, you need to find a way to co-parent with the father without letting personal emotions cloud your choices. The CHILD does have a right to have a relationship with BOTH parents.

Jodi - posted on 11/08/2015

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Shawnn is right. There is a process you need to follow, but leaving the state is not a good idea. He can't stop YOU leaving the state, but you can't take the child. If you decide to take the child, you actually could lose custody altogether, and you don't want that. As the father, he does have a right to joint custody and reasonable visitation (50/50 in some places).

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/08/2015

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Oh here we go.
"he's only threatening me with custody to hurt me"...Or, he could be wanting some custody because it's HIS CHILD as well as yours, and NEITHER of you actually has ownership.

"I don't want to take my daughter away from him but I have nowhere to go down here". So...you're incapable of getting a job and an apartment? Seriously, Texas most likely has plenty of availability.

"I've tried fixing our relationship but nothing helps he always chooses the drugs over his daughter and I" Two questions here: What drugs, and What have you tried? I asked what you've tried earlier...to no avail...Have you been to counseling? Has he? Have you even broached the subject?

Again, at this point: You may not leave the state unless you have judicial permission to remove the child. You may not determine custody, visitation, or support on your own, you will need legal intervention, or mediation.

Amber - posted on 11/08/2015

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We've been together for 5 years now and everything was fine between us until he got on drugs. I've tried fixing our relationship but nothing helps he always chooses the drugs over his daughter and I. I love him so much and I don't want to take our daughter that far away from him but I have no where to go down here. All my family is up in Nebraska. He's only threatening me with custody to hurt me.

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