Tierny - posted on 05/31/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )
Hi I just found this site a few days ago and I'm glad I did. I've read similar posts and saw many of you helping each other and since I have no one to talk to (family or friends) I hoped this might help me to.
I was in a relationship with my ex for 5 years (this month would have been 6).In the years we were together its been a rollercoaster. I fell in love with him from our first moments. Coming into the relationship he knew I had issues of trust but nevertheless he cheated on me more than once. Of course I made excuses for what he did and I stayed. I figured I wasn't perfect either and we all make mistakes, right? Most importantly I was in love and I couldn't walk away. In 2011 I found out he had cheated on me while I was pregnant and the relationship with her was more than just sex once or twice. It was for 2 years. That killed me inside. I was devastated and didn't know what to do. After a short break up I let him come back and we both agreed to work on things for us and our son. He was wonderful to me. He did everything he could to win me back and keep us together, but I completely shut down. I was so depressed that some days I would just cry when I was alone. He proposed to me in 2012 to commit and make things right, but even though I was happy I couldn't show it. I told him recently he could have given me the moon and I wouldn't see it. He doesn't understand depression and at the time I guess I didn't either. He did try to get us counseling but I didn't follow through last year. I just wasn't ready. In Jan of this year I finally "came to my senses" and I decided enough was enough either we would make it work and I would participate or I needed to move on. I wanted so badly to tell him how I felt and I still loved him and appreciated the steps he has made and how excited I was about the wedding in May and then something else got in the way. He finally told me he had had enough after that. He took his ring back and he moved out. I have been a total wreck. I feel like I lost my best friend and the only person in this world who loved me and had patience with me. He was adamant he didn't want to work things out. In April he moved back in the house because our son was getting to much for me to handle. I was stressed. Our son was telling the whole world his daddy left him and his daddy liked his friends more and didn't love him. It would break me heart to hear some of things his little 3 yr old mind would come up with. We have been living together ever since. Its convenient for us both financially and I have no where else to go. It kills me every day to see him and he has his phone out and know he is seeing other women. I told him I respect that he doesn't want to be with me, but that doesn't mean it's what I want to. We get along for the most part and have had only a few arguments here and there. I don't know what to do. I find myself crying everyday. I did find a therapist and it has helped some. It helped me change the person I was and see the person I want to be, but it can't mend my heart. I know I need to move out of this house and move on, but I don't know how. I come from a divorced home and I feel like I didn't give my son a fair chance to have his family together and because of his reaction last time I'm scared of what he will think when I do move. His dad is a wonderful dad, a good guy at heart, and we are young (he's younger than me) so mistakes have been made, but how do you just fall out of love with someone that you thought you would spend forever with and have a family with....? I just want to have my happy back.....
Sorry it's so long but thanks to anyone who listened to me vent or offered advice.