How do I pull myself out of my husbands family that always starts drama, lies and threatens me all the time?

Kapow - posted on 09/20/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I"ve lived such a hard married life because of high expectations from both sides of the families. Culture is what u have to say. Guidelines to be the perfect wife: obey husband, never argue, if he abuse u, let him, listen to your inlaws whether they're wrong, cook and clean for them and never talk back, if ur husband cheats, or if your inlaws make him date another, you don't have a say, you don't have a say in anything, they are in charge of it all and this will make u a better wife.

Anyways, my birth moth always hated me and abused and treated me like shit, so this gave my inlaws the right to use it agains me saying that i can never run away from them because my parents don't want me back anyways. my husband never supports me in any family issues even if im right. My Sister in laws always lies about me telling my husband to beat them up or treat them like shit to the inlaws, and i'll try to defend myself, but truth is my husband can't even back me up, all he says is stfu.. and done deal, he doesn't fight for my innocence. My youngest brother inlaw sexually assulted my 7 year old sister and my inlaws obviously blamed it on my little sister. they even hated my family for putting him in jail. and said that is was the little girls fault. I mean they can't freaking understand that they're at fault, they just keep protecting herself. ON top of it all my oldest sisterinlaw always tries to rad me out, Yes i go hang out with my friends here and there for a drink, and welll post up pics of dinners and drinks on FB, she'll go tell my inlaws and rad on me, SHe'll turn anything i say to her into a bull shit story of lies and nothing that i've even said jsut to make my inlaws hate on me. and my youngest sister inlaw always abuse and hurts my children, she burnt my children with 3rd degree burns and my mother inlaw said shit. and then my oldest sister in law puts the blame back on me that it was my fault the younger sister in law did it cause i didn't watch my children but truth was, i was right there and my baby was next to me and the younger sister yanked my child away from me and burn him unintentionally. Now theres even more drama and chaos cause my father in law is in it too and i bashed on them on face book cause my oldest sisterinalw attacked me there.. so they printed it out and are using it against me.. which is stupid cause i just plainly said that they're full of shit and blame me for no reason..
iono what to do help

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Just Leave! They sound like asshats anyway. Get in your car, drive to your local women's shelter, and set up a new residence.
You are never going to change this family, so you need to decide if you want to stay with this guy or not. If you do, you are going to have to come to terms with the fact that this is his family, and ask yourself, do I love this guy enough to put up with this shit? Is he REALLY worth it--does the happiness he brings you outweigh the pain and anger you put up with to stay with him? Honestly, from what you described, I can't imagine loving anyone enough to put up with that kind of harassment....but then, I don't really love, so maybe I'm missing out on something.


You've made some mistakes, try not to repeat them.
First off, You NEVER put ANYTHING negative on fb. If people know about your problems, they know how to hurt you. NEVER put anything PERSONAL on fb. fb is a place to say "My life is sunshine and rainbows" and NOTHING MORE. The happier your life looks, the stronger you look, and the less people will mess with you not only because they know you are too strong to get to, but they don't have any information to work with.
Second, If someone attacks you on fb, you NEVER respond. You print out a screenshot and you take it to the police and file a verbal harrassment charge. Unfortunately, if you respond, they can file the same charge against you, even if it was in response to something they originally said. Nothing usually comes of a verbal harrassment charge, but you file them anyway because when they finally do something serious enough to prosecute, those charge files will strengthen your case tremendously.
Lastly, don't reveal your weaknesses outside of fb either. Don't tell anyone you weren't loved as a kid, or that you crave forgiveness. They will use it against you--don't even tell people you think would never hurt you, because one day, they WILL hurt you. If you want to vent about that stuff, come to a site like this one where you can be anonymous. No one can use that information to hurt you if they don't know who you are.

In regards to your "lack of being loved" issues. You need to come to terms with the fact that you don't NEED to be loved by anyone. I wasn't "loved" growing up--my parents weren't even in my life for most of my childhood, I was a ward of the courts, bounced from one institution to another, ending up living in a scrap yard with a bunch of other homeless rats, and later in a dumpster, and after that in a VW Beetle, and I'm fine. Note, I said "FINE" not perfect. No one is perfect, no one's life is perfect. We ALL have struggles, difficulties, bad luck, obstacles, etc. Even the girls I know who had "Picture perfect" childhoods in pretty little houses with loving parents have their own emotional issues due to some sort of detachment or other. We're all fucked. You can wallow in it and feel sorry for yourself, or you can move on and build a life that makes you happy. Nothing is stopping you but yourself.

C - posted on 11/20/2013

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I wont pissy foot about. I do not care about culture etc.

What is happen to you is domestic abuse and family abuse.

For the saftey of your children you must go to your local refuge or womens aid. I think you and your children need to get far away from these horrible human beings as quickly as possible.

Your local womens aid/refuge will help you get set up with finances and help put in place a protection order.

You say you have friends well reach out and ask for help.
It is time you cut them all from your life and start living yours without fear or persecution.

You must find some strength before you or your kids end up in hospital or worse.

I lived in an abusive marriage until my husband tried to kill me. If he was successful he would have killed my son.

It is hard and I still have a trial coming up but now I have my own money, a home and no one controling my life.
Ihave went through counselling and help with my post trumatic stress. It was tough to start with no money or a place tk stay but I am so glad I did.

Please even go down and speak to someone from womens aid/refuge.

My son is my world and my strength to get through this and your kids will be too.

Take care and I wish you well and safe xxxxx

Kapow - posted on 09/21/2013

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my hubs tells me to just forget about them, but his siblings comeover all the time, they always ask us for help and what not and so I keep telling him, how are we ever going to get away from all of this if they're always with us. I truly love their family but I do get really upset with them at times. but what I mostly hate is that I can never really trust my husband because he never believes me when I tell him the truth until shit goes down.. which really pisses me off..

Kapow - posted on 09/21/2013

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oh I did block them, but thing is, I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know why I keep putting up with all of this. I guess cause I've been neglected and not loved while I was younger, I believe its the reason why I keep begging for forgiveness and begging for them to love me.. but its like im making myself just more vulnerable. and most of the time I feel like yes, he is on my side, but when my bro inlaw got put in jail, we both agreed to not take sides. and out of the blue, he blurts and blames my sister at fault for the sexual assult. which really pissed me off but he said sorry cause he was just upset that his bro was in jail. and no he doesn't ever really stand up for me, rather than just curses them out and that's it. he doesn't tell them the reasons why I am right or whatever not.im just so stressed out.

Gena - posted on 09/21/2013

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I dont have facebook but cant you just block them so they cant contact you or see the messages? And what does your husband say to all of this,Does he just always ignore it and be on his familys side?Does he treat you well other than not standing up for you?

Gena - posted on 09/21/2013

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Who needs enemies with a familiy like that! I would stop all contact with them,hurting children and abusing is just not on! I would tell your husband that you will not have contact with them anymore,if he likes it or not! I mean they are just horrible!

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