How do I punish my 9 year old who COMPLUSIVELY lies??

Heather - posted on 10/22/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )




My 9 year old is a compulsive liar! We have an appointment for her to speak with a psychologist in a few weeks but she lies about everything. I catch her doing stuff and she calls me the liar. She calls her dad a liar if he sees her doing something. She comes home and lies about stuff that happened in school. She tells us she has no friends and every one hates her at school, but when I called the school they said she is always smiling and playing with EVERYONE!!! She thinks that she shouldn't be punished for her lies as well. She also thinks that she is better than EVERYONE!!! She told my husband out of her own mouth that she shouldn't have conseqeunces for her actions because shes better than everyone else. She also has no remorse for her actions. It doesn't effect her unless she gets punished. She lacks remorse and empathy. I am at my wits end!!! Every time we've tried counsling in the past it made her worse. The more attention she gets the worse her behaviors get. Stuck between a rock and a hard place but Defiantly have to see this counsler and get some outside opinions on what we need to do. Anyone know of any thing I can do until then to make her realize what shes doing it wrong? Anyone have an punishments for lieing that work? I've tried rewarding good behavior, time outs when she lies, taking toys away for every lie, what else is there?


JuLeah - posted on 10/22/2011




Punishment doesn't work in most cases, it clearly is not working here. It has not worked, yet you keep trying .... maybe try a different approach

Empathy has to be taught

You are wise to see she is lacking

Calling in a professsional is a good move

She doesn't show you remorse, it doesn't mean she doesn't feel it

People who feel or say they are better then everyone really feel everyone is better then them

there is a reson for this ... something is going on for her... the lieing meets a need she has and she won't stop until she figures out a way to meet that need in a different way

All behavior has a function - meets a need

If this behavior were no longer meeting her need she would stop doing it

Figure out the need being met and find a new way to meet it

So, while you attempt to figure out what need is being met, also have her write down her words

So, have her write to you about how she has no friends at school, no one likes her, all the bad things that happened .... then take that paper in with you and you sit with her, her teacher, and any other mentioned and have a conversation. Let them confront her -

It is more challenging to lie in print as it can be read later and you can not deny you wrote it/said it

[deleted account]

JuLeah has some great advice. I agree that if punishments aren't working it's time to try a different approach. Talking to the psychologist is a great idea, but not just for her.... get some family sessions in as well so you and her dad can get some new ideas on what to do.


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