Sheela - posted on 08/08/2016 ( 15 moms have responded )
I am 56 and live in India, my son 28 lives in Cupertino and works at Apple. All was well till his indian girlfriend moved in. In 2014 we went for 14 days to live with them.
Here I saw through to the girls manipulative ways which upset me deeply... I tried warning him too, though it fell on deaf ears.. She completely distorted and poisoned his mind... We have had arguements hence then when ever her topic came he became sensitive and overprotective ...In the last 2 years his calls have become far and less... I in retrospect have tried accommodating her for the benefit of entire family...
In June as we were planning to visit in October ...our daughter in Los Angeles and see our granddaughter I invited him and his girlfriend to stay with the family in Las Vegas to celebrate Diwali..
He snapped out of the blue. He humiliated and insulted me ... I was crying thru out the conversation but that did not budge him... He went on with his tirade.
I am completely heartbroken and devasted. Now I do not want to talk to him. I just want to do nothing with him… I wld cry every second day...
(Distancing, at its extreme, turns to cutting off. It can occur after long periods of conflict or as a sudden reaction to a difficult encounter.
Whatever the issue, the person doing the cutting off has difficulty addressing and resolving the problem directly and maturely.
Instead, they stop communicating. Continuing the relationship seems unmanageable to them.
Remember that shutting a person out is a response to anxiety and fusion. Your actions or lack of action didn’t cause this. Cutting off is a way people manage anxiety when they don’t know a better way. The love and caring is there; the ability to solve differences is not. You did not cause your child to turn away)
My confusion to tackle this situation is causing a great deal of anxiety... Pl suggest ...