How do I reward my two youngers sons, when my 11 year old ADHD child ruins our plans to have a good time?

Marama - posted on 07/04/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My 11 year old has been diagnosed with ADHD since he was 8. His behaviour is so terrible that even my parents won't take him for more than a day so we can have some respite. Every time we organise a family day, he finds some way to ruin it and we call it off so he isn't rewarded for his behaviour, when in actuality he seems to love the fact that his brothers are suffering too. We can't get babysitters anymore because he has been inappropriate with his brothers and we have warned our wider family so they will allow us to constantly monitor him when we are other people's houses. We have little support for his behaviour management because we are firm but fair but others think we are OTT, but get angry if he then hurts another child by accident or deliberately. My two youngers sons (6 & 7 - no ADHD), are always on the end of his behaviour and they are too often saddened by our inability to go places as a whole family. It looks like my husband and I will need to take turns to do something with our younger boys when we want to all go together.

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Kasie - posted on 07/05/2011

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we went through this with a now nine year old girl. We still get out and do things with our younger daughter but she knows that if she is not behaving and doesnt earn her way she will be sitting out wherever we choose to go. example- going to the zoo, she still gets to go but cant leave the side of the stroller. Another one would be going to the park she sits out and it seems to be making a point now. we are also working with a counselor and a psyc for her as well.

Nova-Dawn - posted on 07/04/2011

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I have 5 children 9,8,6,4,and my youngest just turned 1 a few weeks ago. My 8 year old is border line ADHD and is constantly trying to cause problems. My husband and I decided we were not going to allow this to go on and worked out an agreement that we would make our plans with the possibility of one of us sitting on the side with her if she chose to act up. By agreeing between the 2 of us that 1 or both, by taking turns would deal with her there and in the moment, we avoided getting angry with each other and having a plan in place to deal with it helps lessen the stress after that it's going to be a long battle as he's 11 and gotten use to getting away with it so when you change your approach he's going to push even harder to get you to cave. My 8 yr old is still a work in progress but I have started to see results and a change in her behavior. Hope this help a little

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Marama - posted on 09/08/2011

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Thanks everyone for great comments. I just accessed my account again and was really a appreciative of all the helpful comments.

Tamara - posted on 07/05/2011

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With mine one of us takes the others to do something special, and the other stays home with who ever is having the issues.

Katherine - posted on 07/04/2011

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A tip: Never take anything AWAY, it promotes negative reinforcement which you don't want. It will make him feel bad and not want to work towards the next goal.

Jessicascott - posted on 07/04/2011

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Or a star chart. ADHD children (so I have been told) repsond to phyiscal items and love the attention you give them when they receive their star/ reward. Maybe have one for each child and if he tries to spoil the reward for another because he isnt the centre of attention he needs time out or loses a star. Trial and error. Hope you find something soon :) Good luck!

Katherine - posted on 07/04/2011

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Have you tried the reward system? Every time he does something right give him a nickle. Ignore when he does something inappropriate. He can save up his money for something.......just a suggestion.

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