How do I/Should I tell my Son.

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

Hi Moms,
This is my first time starting a conversation here. Ok so here's some background ...
My sons biological father is an awful person. He began to be abusive to me while we were dating, I tried to break up with him and soon found out I was pregnant. He began to be more abusive (mentally, verbally and physically) he threatened to kill me, my family and our unborn child if I didn't marry him. I took his threats serious, did what he said. I endured a lot, but thankfully got out of the marriage. My son is now 6 and had supervised visits with his dad. He is becoming more knowledgeable and is asking a lot of questions. He gets said sometimes and asks me why we don't live with his dad? I've told him that it's a long story and he would understand when he's older. That answer isn't really working anymore.
I need some advice...
What should I tell him?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 09/19/2013

3,533

36

3906

Just tell him you didn't get along and made each other sad, so it was best for everyone if you didn't stay together any more. That's all he needs to know at this point. You don't need to tell him any of the rest of it.

4 Comments

View replies by

Jodi - posted on 09/20/2013

3,533

36

3906

You don't ever need to be. Why does he ever need to know the detail? He doesn't need to know your ex was abusive towards you, blah, blah. What happens in the relationship stays in the relationship even after you split. The only two people who need to know exactly why you split is you and your ex.

Honestly, my son is 16. He knows his dad and I don't get along and that is why we chose to split. That's all he needs to know. My step-daughter is 21 - do you think she needs to know her mum and dad split because her mother was a serial cheater and screwed 4 guys in a matter of months, cheating on her father? Of course not! There is absolutely no reason to tell her those things about her mother that she doesn't need to know. She just needs to know that they weren't happy together. This is not about being honest or dishonest. The truth is, you and your ex are no longer together because you don't get along. That IS the truth. The fact that not getting along included abuse does not mean he needs to know that level of detail.

[deleted account]

Thank you Jodi... Let me ask you this, at what age is it ok in your opinion to be more honest or detailed. I've done a lot of research on this subject and most of them say to be very honest upfront with why you are not together.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms