HOW DO I TALK TO MY 17 YEAR OLD SON ABOUT ABSTINENCE WHEN HE GOES TO A SCHOOL WITH HORNY LIL TEENS??

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Jodi - posted on 10/05/2011

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You don't teach abstinence. You educate about love, relationships, respect and sex. You provide a comprehensive sex education (including safe sex) and you ENCOURAGE him to wait until he is married to the person he decides to spend the rest of his life with. But you can't dictate abstinence to him, and if you are too heavy handed about it, chances are he will cut you out of any future discussions about his relationships, because he won't want the lectures or to disappoint you. As a parent, all you can do is guide him, teach him and provide him with a positive example. But you can't make him conform. He is 17, he will make his decision himself and you can't control that. It's like leading a horse to water........

Ez - posted on 10/06/2011

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Please tell me you have talked to your son about sex before now?

He is 17. Almost a man. Your chances of preaching abstinence to a boy this age are slim to none. Instead, focus on contraception and relationships. Teach him to take responsibility for himself by using condoms. Encourage him to treat girls with respect and kindness. But if you plan on relying on 'teaching abstinence' to get him safely through these next few years, you will likely be sorely disappointed in the outcome.

Carolee - posted on 10/06/2011

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I'm sorry to say that, if you've waited this long to talk to him about sex/abstinance, you're most likely too late and he's already made his decision on what he wants to do in regards to that.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/05/2011

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First of all, your son is probably one of those horny teens himself. I'm not making a derogatory statement against your son, it is simply that at his age hormones are raging.

What I suggest is to have a very embarassing conversation with him about the sexual feelings that he may be having. (Almost certainly is having) They feel good and they feel like they should be acted on sometimes. Sometimes they may get to the point where you feel like you will explode if you don't act on them, but sex is much more than physical. There is an emotional aspect to sex that is difficult to handle when the brain is still in teen mode. Teen brains have portions that are over active and underactive compared to any other age. It is best to wait until the brain and body regulate themselves some. (Plus any reasons you also wish to add such as religion etc.)

However if you simply tell a teen not to do something, they might just out of the need to rebel. So, let him know that you would prefer he waits, however if he feels that he cannot, tell him that it would be best to make the decission in advance, not caught up in the moment. Let him know that it is better to make the decission with his brain than letting his emotions make the decission for him. Remind him that there are ways that he can relieve his own sexual frustration. (I said it would be an embarrassing conversation, but try to get over the embarassment, masterbation is not something to be ashamed of, yet some people that might wait if they had an outlet, find that masterbation is more shameful than random sex because of the way it is hushed up.) Also talk to him about condoms as protection against STDs and pregnancy. Reiterate that you do NOT condone sex at this age however IF he can't or won't control himself, at least be mature enough to protect himself and his partner.

Katherine - posted on 10/05/2011

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Get him educated. Tell him what the consequences could be. He is almost an adult though and I would be talking to him about using condoms. How important they are.

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