How do I talk to my daughter about her weight?

Christy - posted on 02/13/2012 ( 53 moms have responded )

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My daughter is almost 14 years old and over the last couple of years she has gained a lot of weight. She is not as active as she used to be. We have been trying to change our habits as a family so that we don't single her out even though the rest of us are average weight for our height. As a family, we eat a lot of fruits and vegetables for snacks and we try to limit junk food and fast food. We try to do things as a family, but she has to take some responsibility for herself. I can't be with her all the time. Really, I just don't know how to talk to her about it. I love her so much and I am so worried about hurting her feelings. And I don't want to cause her to become anorexic or anything. Please help me.

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Theresa - posted on 05/29/2012

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I am having the same issue with my daugher who is probably about 15-20 lbs overweight now at age 14. SHe used to do alot of sports and than decided to cheer but now she did not make the JV or Varsity squad she is not doing much. I try to inspire her to exercise and eat right but she always turns to sweets. I am worried about her health and her self confidence is horrible too. Any advice would be great!!!!!

Ash - posted on 12/25/2012

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I'm not a mom, but I am a girl who has had her parents tell her all her life that she "needs to lose weight". My dad fed me fast food every day because he wanted to get the "surprise" toys that McDonald's sold---reliving his childhood through me by buying me Happy Meals every day. So it's entirely their fault that I have reached a larger weight. I understand you're concerned, but don't turn into my dad, telling me every day and bringing it up all the time, hovering over me to see what I'm eating when I'm twenty-fricking-one. You know what a kid does when a parent does that? They cut off ties forever. My parents have to kidnap me in order for me to visit them. I'm dead serious. Except, I can't report it as kidnapping because I'm over 18 now. And when I do visit them, they monitor my eating constantly. They have to be in control of every single thing I eat. And I have tried to go on diets on my own. There's the key----ON MY OWN. State your concern, then shut the hell up. Never speak about it again. The kid is aware of it, they do not need you constantly reminding them and breathing down their neck about it. Whether you like it or not, it's the kid's life. I'd much rather be fat and be happy every day about what I'm eating, than be on a diet that doesn't work and suffering in an unhappy, hungry state every day. Diets don't work, so don't even think about trying to restrict eating. Don't make asinine comments whenever you see the kid actually working out or trying to do something on their own either, because you know what? They don't like the attention and it makes them stop, and that's YOUR FAULT AGAIN if you do it. The more you draw attention to it, the less happy the kid is going to be. Let them be happy. That's all that matters. Sometimes it's not the kid that needs to change, but the parent's attitude about how the kid runs their own life.

Rene' - posted on 02/14/2012

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I was a girl who grew up with a mother who felt the need to 'point out the obvious' to me - and not in such a nice way. Add to that list my grandmother and aunts. They would say things like, "Honey, you are getting chubby there! Better cut down on what you eat!" or "You're so pretty - but you tend to gain weight so you really need to watch it!" I was ALWAYS on a 'diet'. But looking at pictures, I was always skinny. When I brought this up to my mother as I got older, she said, "Yes, you were thin BECAUSE I watched what you ate and always had you on a strict diet." I rarely had sweets. When my sisters had cookies and milk before bed, I had a piece of fruit or just the milk. Thankfully, times are different and we are more in tuned and respectful of feelings - especially in children. Today, I would give the fruit (or healthy) to ALL of my children and not make one feel badly. I wouldn't let my other children order an ice-cream dessert and not 'the fat one'. My oldest son has my tendencies to gain weight and isn't as active as he should be either. He is also a cancer survivor. So we have talked about the importance of diet, exercise and weight since he was 5. I think it is just important to focus more on the HEALTH aspect then the LOOKS. Make sure you tell her (as you've told us) that you love her so much and it's your job (and now hers!!) to make sure she is as healthy as she can be. Proper eating and exercise. She may always be a little 'thicker' than other girls her age. That's okay. That's wonderful! Some are tall - some are short - some have straight hair and some curly. Celebrate her beauty but emphasize the importance of starting healthy habits now. GOOD LUCK!!! ♥

Stephanie - posted on 07/01/2013

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Your daughter may not really notice that she has gained so much weight. Don't try to tell her she "should find something to do". Instead, maybe do something active with her. Only keep healthy foods in the house, this will help with diet a bit. Model correct portion sizes at family meals.
Your daughter could be a little depressed, I know I gained weight in HS because I was depressed. My mom didn't know what to do about it. I was lonely and didn't have many friends. This is a very difficult thing.
Maybe if you open up to your daughter about a time you struggled with peer pressure or your weight it would help her to see she's not alone. Maybe a support group where she could talk openly without anyone she knows around?
I hope these ideas help you, it is so hard to be 14.

Jennifer - posted on 02/13/2012

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My son is underweight, and I worry about his food choices! It is more of a health thing. I am ALWAYS harping on him, and he knows it isn't about the way he looks. I understand not wanting to hurt her, but you just have to bite the bullet and say something. Don't do snippy comments or little jabs. Set her down and talk about it. Make it just like a sex talk. Neither of you want to do it, but you have to, and once it is done, she'll know she can talk to you about it.



Maybe you could write up some goals, loose 5lbs and you'll get her a mani-pedi. 15 and she gets a new pair of jeans............make them small with non-food rewards.



I also point out women who are too skinny to my girls. I think we focus on fat too much. I point out women who look healthy, and my husband will actually make gagging sounds at women who are too thin. We talk about how no one is ever perfect, and what we think is atractive about ourselves. Saying you have beautiful eyes is better than you are beautiful. Make sure you compliment things that have noting to do with looks sometimes, too.

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Ann Marie - posted on 01/01/2013

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some people may say that someone who is 5'6 and weight 125lbs that u are underweight. If you Are happy in ur own skin then so be it.

Ann Marie - posted on 01/01/2013

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I am 5'2 I weigh 141. My daughter is 4 years old. According to my height my BMI is just right. Its human nature to compare our self to other female around us. I just saw your profile update glad to see things are doing better. I am happy with my weight im just too lazy to tone the parts of my body I dont like.
Each of us need to be content within our own body. As well as being health. The media shows thin, busty women as sexy. they never show there are other body type that are sexy as well. Being to thin is unhealth being overweight is unhealth. How about show women who are health as a happy medium

Ann Marie - posted on 01/01/2013

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I speak as a former anorexic and bulimic person at ten. How you view your weight and your self confidence in front of her can impact her more than your words. I come from a family of over weight women. So I always have the pressure to stay health. Being over weight come alot of health problems. Family walks and workout are helpful too.
I've also learned lifetime movie nights with mom help to see the importants of weight, as well as being responsible for yourself. Maybe seeing movies based on a true story. Can help out some as well
Im no expert. I'm just a 28 year old mom. with a 4 year old. I hope this help. talking with your teen keeps communacation door open. Thats something i didnt have. If you have that with her ur already ahead of the game.

Temi - posted on 12/25/2012

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You encourage her and find out the deeper issue, now i have no idea of what your perception of bad weight gain is.

Chaya - posted on 07/29/2012

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If you put yourself on a diet, you can put her on a diet as well. Don't buy junk food, at all.
Tell your daughter to get out, walk, run, ride bicycle, whatever works. If there's a gym that will take minors, get both of you involved. You're the parent, she's going. If she won't go willingly, she can go unwillingly. There are guys at the gym that can humiliate her into submission. If the guy happens to be a 250 pound bulldyke, ( that's the phrase they use) that's even better.
You are not going to cause your kid to become anorxic.
One thing I do if my daughter is uncooperative, is she doesn't get an allowance, that usually gets her attention

Christy - posted on 07/24/2012

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The picture in the profile is August 2010 and she had been gaining weight slowly since then. I don't know exactly what she weighed at that time, but now she is 5'6" and weighs about 175 lbs. I am just concerned that she will keep gaining, but since we have been paying more attention, it does seem to have leveled off. (I am the same height and I weigh 125 lbs, so I am compairing her to myself, which I probably shouldn't do.) She has developed and I remember gaining weight at her age, just not so much. I am mostly concerned with what other kids will say or how they treat her. I just couldn't stand for anyone to ever be mean to her, She is going to high school next month. All of this advice has been great, I appreciate all of the moms on this site. Over the last few months, we have been much more aware. I think that I just didn't realize what was happening until it was so obvious. Making things about everyone else has helped. (Like taking her dog for a walk, because the dog needs exercise and attention, or playing with little cousins, and also activities with the family.) I don't make it about her. And food is pretty easy because I buy it and cook it, so I just pay more attention to what we all eat.

Valerie - posted on 07/24/2012

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Don't tell her directly that you think she is over weight. My daughter had a phase like this, but she herself thought she was fat and skipped meals briefly. Continue having a healthy diet and maybe ask her if she has interests in any sports. If she does not like competitive sports, swimming, tennis, gymnastics, and dance lessons are great options to stay fit. Perhaps limit her time on her TV and computer. Definitely continue limiting the junk and fast food. Be positive and encouraging and don't tell her she is overweight, say she might need some more time active.

Melissa - posted on 02/17/2012

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She is 14 years old. There is no "right way" to bring this up to her. No talking, just action.... Get her active, and be involved. Set a good example in your own dietary habits and give her healthy snacking options.

Shawna - posted on 02/16/2012

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You have to read the book Fat Talk by Mimi Nichter. She is an anthropologist who spent three years at an American high school talking to girls and their families about weight.

Sarah - posted on 02/15/2012

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Well, starting with the family is a great way, to talk about it without talking about it. They say children with one parent who exercises is 60% likely to do the same, but a child with both parents who exercise is 80% likely to do the same. Besides, it will be good for everyone. The other thing you could address is portions, sometimes it isn't what we eat, but how much. If her portions are like yours, but you are more active, it may be too many calories in for her. Check with her about lunch at school too, to be sure she is at least eating healthy stuff before dessert. And if possible, since you are both girls try to do an activity that you can both do together, like Zumba or Spinning, but something you both like. It is always more fun to work out with a friend, so if you don't fit that bill, maybe another one of her friends you can think of is.

As a teen I loved to dance, so maybe a dance class but I think Zumba, or something like that may be better to get involved in as many girls by 14 have been taking dance classes for years.

Dana - posted on 02/15/2012

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I would be very careful with giving her rewards for pounds lost...that could snow ball! i have 2 daughters who are suffering from anorexia-nervosa. i would give anything for them to be on the heavier side if it meant that they were happy with their bodies. You need to educate them on what is considered healthy and let them have control. As soon as you try to take that control away from them especially when they are going though puberty it could turn ugly....

My daughters are 11 and 14 and have said on many occasions that they wished they could stop thinking about what they should look like....and be normal. I think you are doing the right thing by showing by example...:)

Catherine - posted on 02/15/2012

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When I started putting on weight I was the same age. I was going through a lot and was depressed. I got involved in theatre and swim team and began to drop the weight. She could be going through something she doesn't want to talk to you about, as hard as that may be to understand. Try and find something she loves and wants to be involved it, whether it be dance, music, sports, theatre. Also, try and see if something is bothering her. It's hard at that age and the stuff isn't always easy to talk about. Maybe finding someone she talks to like a counselor or even a good friend might help.

Wendy - posted on 02/15/2012

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I was overweight as a child. The last thing I wanted to hear was my dad or mom telling me I should really watch what eat. It always made me depressed, which inevitably led to me eating more. I think the best thing you can do is to have family time centered around activities. Tell your family you want to have more quality time, and go for walks/hikes together; join a YMCA or other place with a pool and have swimming nights; play tennis, basketball, or some other sport together. My point is to have the entire family involved and have everyone feel like this is a time to bond. Don't make comments about getting in shape or losing weight, just make the focus on family time. The rest of your family may be average weight, but active time together shouldn't be seen as unnecessary (not that that is what you were implying).

She's still young- give her time! Once you start being active as a family, she may find an activity she enjoys and start being more active on her own. Provide healthy meals and snacks for the entire family, she will learn from you and what you serve what is healthy. As an adult, she will have to take responsibility for herself, and you will have given her the knowledge she needs to be healthy. Don't worry!

Lauren - posted on 02/15/2012

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Maybe ask her how she feels about her body, or if people at school say anything about it and go from there. If she's happy and doesn't have any issues with how she looks it's probably not the right time to tell her she's fat as she won't "care" what you think. But if she says anything negative you can help her work out how she can make changes for herself to make her feel better about the way she looks.



Or go down the line of health and fitness. eg. do you get out of breath during sport? Do you want to come for a walk/jog with me a few days a week to help with fitness?

Debra - posted on 02/15/2012

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We also have a daughter that is bigger for her age. At the start of her 1st grade year, she had a neighbor girl tell her that she was fat and the way to lose weight is to not eat and excersise all the time (this girl is 3 years older than my daughter and stick thin..) My at the time 6 year old was on an unhealthy path!! I involved the school counselors to make sure she was eating her lunch and snacks at school. We do not use the words 'fat' or 'diet' at our home now due to the effect it may cause her to go once again down an unhealthy path. We use the words eating healthy, and excersise for better health, not to lose weight. Encourage walks or park outings when its nice out, Wii games that involve active moves rather than sitting when it's too cold to go outside, We also encourage a lot of swimming at our local Y. We've really had to take a look at our own lifestyle as parents when it came to these things as well. As far as hurting your daughters feelings ~ maybe, as hard as it may be, to hear it from you as a parent rather than kids at school making fun of her or worse, is going to be better than letting some mean kids at school have their fun at her expense :O( it's so hard, but we have to be the ones

Christi - posted on 02/15/2012

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I am dealing with the same issue with my daughter. My reality is that the vast majority of Americans (unless they have a diabetic in their family) are not educated about how our bodies use energy. God created us to metabolize food in a specific way and most of us eat incorrectly.



Let me explain, I bought the "Food Lovers for life" program with my Christmas money. This program taught me how to feed my family correctly... and now I am now teaching my family how their bodies metabolize the food in which they eat.



The basis of the program is that we should eat three square meals and three small snack in between each meal. Also, we should cut out white sugar, sodas, fried foods, salt and high fat foods in order to loose weight. And lastly, we have to learn to portion our foods appropriately. A summary of what I have learned so far is outlined below. My daughter lost 4 1/2" inches in her belly and 2" in her waist the first two weeks.



What we have learned. Each meal should have 1 lean meat (protein), 1 slow carb (good carbs are fresh vegtables and berries), and 1 fast carb (high sugar carbs are your starchy foods, such as breads/pasta/potatoes/corn and also high sugar fruits which is pretty much every fruit except berries and apricots.) Each snack should have 1/2 lean protein and 1/2 carb (preferably a slow carb if you are looking to loose weight) Never eat carbs without a protein(lean meat or nut) and never go without eating for more than 3 hrs/

Audra - posted on 02/15/2012

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I agree that you should schedule a yearly checkup with a doctor or nutritionist for everyone in the family. She probably isn't the only one who could benefit from some good health advice. Find out where she is on the charts for other girls her age and height, because weight gain and "overweight" means something different to different people. Don't get rid of desserts altogether, just stress moderation.



Think about some of the roots of eating poorly...are her friends eating poorly? Is it because they don't get lunch money from their parents and they're spending their change on the vending machines? Does she believe it takes too long to put a healthy meal together? Does she know how to combine foods for a healthy meal, or does she think that she has to eat like a rabbit?



I echo what has been said here. My dad would comment that I had a pretty face and if I'd just lose a few pounds I'd be perfect when I was in high school. It affected my confidence and I held back a lot. I look at those photos now and think, I looked fine! I regret what those comments did to my self image.



Your daughter just needs to develop good habits now. Find a fun workout class to go to together, or register for one of these 'dirty dash' obstacle course races. I was the one in my family who looked like I was carrying a few extra pounds, and exercising and diet changes were to address weight and being overweight more than to help everyone in the family to be at their best...that never made it easy to do either.



Good luck. I know you just want your daughter to have the best, and to be her best in life. With the stress our society places on appearance and weight, it's such a sensitive issue.

Barbie - posted on 02/15/2012

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My 11 year old and I occasionally watch "Biggest Loser" and we do make a game out of it on our wii with different games.



I do also notice she's motivated to make goals to try stay in shape or just to beat my high scores. We play Wii Fit Plus, Smurf Dance Party, Zumba 2, and Biggest Loser wii game to be in shape with exercising.



We also cheer on achievements of the contestants. In a way that helps for her feeling better and wanting to stAy in shape and be healthy.

Cassandra - posted on 02/15/2012

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What about starting off with trying to find an activity to do as a family? Then it might put the focus more on how getting more exercise makes everyone feel better, gives you more energy & helps you feel happier. Taking a class either all together or a Mom & daughter one might be a fun way to help get her more active without making her feel singled out. Even just starting to make time for an evening walk or jog together is a great place to start. Growing up my Grandma always had something to say about my weight (I was by no means obese, but had a lil extra weight) and hearing that I needed to do something never helped.. However when I was around your daughter's age my Mom & I started going for walks together & it was a great way to get more exercise & connect more. As I got a little older we did a cardio-kickboxing class together & seeing the change in my body was enough to keep me motivated to exercise regularly.

Kristina - posted on 02/15/2012

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The first thing you need to do is to determine if she is truly overweight or not. Be aware, and talk to her doctor about your concerns. If they are not worried, simply continue with the changes you're making for the whole family, and get involved in making sure you are all active together.



If there *is* a concern - sometimes it's better coming from another adult outside the family! Teenagers have a way of taking the things their parents say and automatically assuming the motivation is to punish and hurt, NOT to help them.



Secondly - be honest with her. Let her know that you love her, and are concerned for her long-term health - both from the obesity AND the anorexia/bulimia standpoint. Both extremes are dangerous! Tell her you know that you haven't always set a good example of being HEALTHY (do NOT use the word skinny, thin, slender, small etc) with food choices - type and amount, and that you want her to know that you're in this together.



If this is something that you struggle with (now or in the past), tell her that too! Let her know that you are not perfect, that you make bad choices in not being active often enough.



I would NOT recommend telling her that you'll reward her for weight lost because the number on the scale doesn't indicate fitness or health. Muscle is more dense than fat, and so someone very muscular can weigh more than someone else the same physical size that is unhealthy because they have little lean muscle mass.



Give her support and encouragement, but do NOT nag her about it. It has to be her choice, and no matter how hard it is to watch, all you can do is provide the means and opportunities for her.



As the old saying goes - you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

Alexandra - posted on 02/15/2012

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Be honest and firm. It is better to confront your daughter than to let her hurt herself. And if she eats a lot she will eventually get a lot of diseases like diabetes and such. Talk to her in a friendly and mommy way. She will understand.

Danni - posted on 02/15/2012

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My friend took her teen to a nutrionist for advice, information coming from an expert and not her Mum was the best money she even spent. The same teen was at mine for dinner on Wed and I dished her up the same amount of food as the boys but she left a little and said she was full. Don't make teens finish their plates like we were told, just get them to be aware of their own bodies. Educate them to make sensible decisions and role model, be honest. If she had glasses she would be "singled out" for poor eye sight, it's not drawing attention to the issue publicly just be honest, she'll thank you later when she doesn't have to spend years dieting, think about the long term. Also, girls can be very different about food and appearance. GOOD LUCK

Dawn - posted on 02/15/2012

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my daughter is an active, healthy 12 year old who has just now started asking me if she's fat. apparently girls at school are saying so. she is among the tallest in her class, so she appears larger than some of her friends. we talked a little about how she needs to feel good about herself and not listen to criticism from others. we also talked about her annual medical check-ups, and how she is always right in the middle of "normal" on the height and weight scale. we checked it online the other night, and lo and behold, she is now on the high end of normal. so i used that as an opprtunity to go over healthy changes. she is more independent now, not being constantly guided by me. she identififed opting for unhealthier snacks after school these days, rather than the fruit and yogurt she used to have. she also admits to spending more time watching tv or on the computer rather than going outside and "doing something". i have had a weight problem all my life, and my mother's voice is still in my head, the way she used to always criticize me and make me feel bad about myself. since becoming a mother i have prayed for the right tools to help my daughters if weight becomes an issue for them, because it runs in my family. my daughter is making the decisions on her own to make some changes, and i couldn't be more proud. talking about it from a health perspective in a kind and gentle way, and ensuring she knows how beautiful you think she is would be the key, i think. or let her doctor address it with her if you think that would have a better impact. i have met some female nurse practitioners in our pediatric office that ROCK in this regard, so much so that i have switched to them from our pediatrician. breathe, mom! and good luck.

Bonnie - posted on 02/15/2012

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Personally for me I think for 1 at her age she is going through enough with her body changing and seeing other girls her age "changing" I personally think it could backfire if you point iut that she has gained weight. I would just stop buying ALL junk food and stop eating out at fast food resturants. The best way to show her how to eat healthy is to lead by example. ask her how things are going in school. Maybe there is something going on that is effecting her & eating is just her way of handling it. I am sure all us women rember what it was like to be a young 14 year old girl dealing with our bodies changing. We are confused and scared. Maybe her body is just not like yours. It is perfectly fine to be a size 14 as long as your healthy! As long as she is healthy then she is perfectly ok. Love her no matter how her body is shaped size 14 or size 4 I prefer 14 it looks healthier. LOL Good luck Christy!

Amanda - posted on 02/15/2012

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I was over weight and my mom pointed it out all the time. Which for me made it worse. I did sports and I ate very healthy. I swam monday to friday evening and then monday, wednesday, friday and saturday mornings. Some people have a very hard time loosing weight. There are also some medical problems that can cause weight gain. I have hyperthyroid and now that I have the proper medication my thyroid has leveled out and I can't stop gaining weight. Its a hard subject for any girl to hear since most girls in the public eye are sticks it makes it that much harder. But if that is your daughter in the picture she doesn't look over weight to me.

Rene' - posted on 02/15/2012

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The only issue I have with asking a child what they think is what do you do then if they think it's okay? It's great to be comfortable in your own skin, it's another thing to be unhealthy. If you would have asked me, I never ever thought I looked even a little chubby at the times when my family would tell me I was. Looking back I was starting to gain weight - and I'm talking 4 or 5 pounds. But even when there was more, I never thought I looked fat - until I got older. Then I did have issues and literally starved myself as a Senior in H.S. I was 5'1" and 80 lbs. And still thought my hips looked big. (I WISH NOW! lol) I wish my mom would have approached the whole subject from a HEALTHY point of view. And also if she would have made eating FUN not a problem. There are plenty of wonderful low calorie / low fat yummy meals/ treats to make now. It's a different world...thank goodness. GOOD LUCK!! ♥

Michelle - posted on 02/15/2012

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Two things to think about. First is how she feels in general. Is she feeling ok? Schoolwork tougher? Friendship issues? Bullying? All of that can go into weight gain. One of the most counterintuitive things is that the more you're harped on or teased about weight, the more depressed you can become and the weight gain increases in severity, not lessens.

Killing the junk food in the house is a great step, making sure it is the whole family involved. Encouraging a sport is a great idea, even if it is just nightly bike rides as a family.

I've found that as families get busier, exercise falls by the wayside. As kids get older we push so hard on academics they don't have time to move about. We might have hated daily PE as kids but it kept us all moving!

Mention actual weight only if it is clear she's moved beyond extra weight and is heading to obesity. And if she is headed that way, work hard to figure out the underlying causes, it is almost never because someone is "lazy" there's usually something far deeper than that.

Yurena - posted on 02/15/2012

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Haven't read the rest, but be aware girls fill out at that age, is perfectly normal, she probably is a bit bigger now that she will be in her adult life. Things to take into account: has she reached her adult height? Why is she not that active anymore? where and what if she eating? I think weight is probably not the issue here, but lifestyle. Is she happy? has she got friends? is she achieving at school? I wouldn't refer to the weight unless she is overweight (bottom hanging out of the chair sides), but tackle whatever is making her eat beyond her needs. I always was 2 years ahead of height as a kid (nightmare), plus developed earlier (breasts, period), quite a few extra kilos too, not a nice experience. The last you need is your mum telling you you are fat. I am thin now (167cm, 56kilos, after 2 kids, size 8-10uk), so she is on time to revert the weight without pressure from parents. Really try to find out how she is feeling, also talk to a health visitor or doctor that can shed some light on what you should expect at this age. All the best. xxx

Vicki - posted on 02/15/2012

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It could be very normal to at this age to begin to fill out. Check out the posts above referencing puberty and weight gain. Also keep up to date on the early doctor visits. If she hasn't been in a while I would suggest an adolesent doc who happens to be female. Also encourage participation in activities during the high school years.

Deborah - posted on 02/15/2012

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I agree with most of the previous posters, particularly LaLasha, Ask her how she feels about how she looks and if she wants to change it. Puberty is definitely a strange time for a young woman's body, and talking to her doctor is also a good idea.



Be honest with her, and tell her you don't want her to have health problems later on down the road. Make sure you tackle the 'problem' in HER way, don't force her onto a diet or force her to exercise...encourage her to set her own goals her own way, with helpful suggestions. Forcing a 14 year old to do things is actually having a reverse effect than whatever you're forcing upon her.



If you can get her on an exercise routine, tell her she only needs to weigh her self once a week, on the same day, around the same time. If she wants to do it more often, have her do it at the same time every day, weight can fluctuate by a few pounds throughout the day, so weighing yourself in the morning might have a different result than weighing yourself in the evening. Stuff like clothing, or when you last ate, or when you last used the restroom can influence those numbers very easily.



Has she started her menstrual cycle yet? that could also be a factor, her body is changing and is still trying to figure out where all her weight is going.



Definitely check a BMI chart and see if she's in a healthy or normal weight range. if she is, don't worry about it. When I'm not pregnant I think I look a little pudgy, but according to BMI charts, my weight is 'below average' for my height. I"m not underweight, just on the 'lighter' side of the range.

User - posted on 02/15/2012

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remember consider family members from both sides. sometimes kids will take after the great aunt or great grandmother

User - posted on 02/15/2012

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Try taking her for a yearly visit to the dr. that way the dr is the bad guy. let them make suggestions. have you had her thyroid checked. Make sure she is drinking pleaty of water and her iron isn't low. i worry too about my daughter too, she is 13. they are at a very sensitive age we have been there.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/15/2012

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I have not read through all the responses, but the ones that I have seem like pretty good advice. I just want to add.....remember she is in her puberty years. It is very easy to gain weight during this time. Also, she will be going into high school if she is not already. Theses are times in kids lives that can be very stressful, and cause weight gain. Even when eating healthily.



If you do address her, just be cool. Don't point fingers. Maybe try to offer her some after school activities like basketball, cheering, field hockey just to get her moving instead of talking to her. Stop having junk in the house and make nutritious meals. Have her help you cook and shop. Make a weekly menu, and have her help make the menu. There are other ways to deal with it rather than address it directly unless absolutely necessary. just my opinion.

Jasmine - posted on 02/14/2012

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I would not even frame the discussion in regards of weight, but instead being healthy. (esp if her BMI only falls in the overweight category) We are all different shapes and sizes and teen girls can go through phases where they get a little heavier. Hormone change everything and no girl goes through puberty the same way. You don't want her watching her weight or her dress size, but what she puts into her body and how she uses it. You want her healthy, which does not equate to thin. Also take into consideration her genetic body type might be different then yours or your other children. Like other say, practice what you preach, even if you have been blessed with a thinner build. Keep the junk out of you house. Try to set her up for success, but at her age weather she lives a healthy lifestyle is her choice. You can make it harder for her to make bad choices in regards to food. My motto is "When I pay, I choose. If you want to choose then you pay" I would set a goal of her being involved in one physical activity. Sports, dance, running, yoga, karate etc. This should be for every kid. Let her try some out and pick one she wants to do. Doing it with her is a great idea esp if it is something that can be done at home, ie running, Zumba on the Wii, or yoga. I would reward her for accomplishing something, not weight loss. Running her first 5 K, getting her yellow belt. You get the idea. If she falls in the obese or morbid obese category with her BMI, I would consult her pediatrician and maybe a nutritionist. You need a professional to evaluate her, screen her for disease related to obesity and give you and her advise. Again healthy is the goal, not being thin. I would also remove any scale. You don't want her obsessing about a number on a scale. If she starts working out and is building muscle she might gain weight before losing it, which can be a disincentive. I know if bums me out when the Wii tells me I gained 2 lb after I get back on exercise routine. I hope I gave you some ideas.

Elaine - posted on 02/14/2012

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Take her to the doctor for a "check up" and let them explain healthy weight range and where she should be on that scale and what she needs to do/eat to get there.

LaLasha - posted on 02/14/2012

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Ask her about how she feel about her body and if she would even like your help. That way it seems less like you are pointing out her body and the weight issue it's an open discussion. Also just keep doing what you are doing cooking healthy meals not keeping junk in the house etc.

Amanda - posted on 02/14/2012

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Is that your daugther in your profile picture? Because if it is there is nothing wrong with her weight.

Heather - posted on 02/14/2012

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I would tell her that if she doesn't lose some weight, that you aren't going to buy her new clothes to fit into bigger ones.



OR



Have her talk to a child psy. she might have some underlying issues as to why she is gaining weight? Can't hurt to try.

Hina - posted on 02/14/2012

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Just a suggestion. I am not a mother of teenager yet but I think if you lead by example it normally works for this age group. How about signing her up for some sport class or a dance class if she likes to dance and you can go with her, it will not only give you 2 some quality time together and at the same time you both can stay active. Depending on where you live there are a lot of Zumba drop in classes at least here in Calgary. The weather in Calgary can be really harsh at times in Calgary, and going outside cansome timesbe really difficult so I bought my kids dance and fitness games for wii and we all do it together as a family. BTW I have a 9 year, 7 year and almost 3 year old sons.

Nayanda - posted on 02/14/2012

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I'd first talk about her health and how important it is for her to be healthy beyond all. When one brings up weight to a teenager the conversation in her/his head will be "My mother thinks I'm fat" and they won't hear anything else. Once you solidify to her that her health is more important to you than what she weighs, you can then transition into a conversation about foods that promote good health. This can also lead to you cooking meals together and when going out to eat, making better selections from the menu. However, this will not be effective if you are not doing the same. In addition view the movie Super Size Me and determine if that is appropriate viewing for you child. Not all parents agree on this movie but for me, my 18 has been able to maintain her weight within + or - 5lbs after our conversation and watching this movie. That's not to say she doesn't eat fast food, but she's more careful about what she eats after our talk.

Elfrieda - posted on 02/14/2012

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Rene, that's horrible! What a terrible thing for you to have to go through.



For myself, it was somewhat the opposite. I thought I was too fat (and I was - 140 lbs at age 10), but my parents never said anything, and in fact I was strongly encouraged to eat more than I wanted to at every meal by my father.



If someone's in my face (my dad has a very loud voice,so he's intimidating without meaning to be) saying, "Do this!", I tend to do it just to keep the peace. But I hit puberty full-tilt, lost 20 lbs and grew 2 inches in 2 months, and turned into a very healthy-sized 13-year-old.



I had a few borderline shouting matches with my dad about staying that way, but we never talked about it. It was more, "EAT! You've only had a little bit." "No, thanks." "Don't you like it? Your mother makes wonderful food!" "Yes, it was great." "There's still a little left. If you eat it there won't be any leftovers." "I SAID NO THANK YOU!" and then he'd look surprised and hurt that I was yelling and I'd feel bad. It's not just me. He still does that to everyone, especially guests. I think he thinks he's being hospitable.



So to sum up, I would have welcomed some help from my parents. Not just saying "You're overweight" which is not helpful, but actual help in making a plan to change it.

Kullo-Egelton - posted on 02/14/2012

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When my daughter was this age she was on the top end of the BMI chart. Her doctor told me not to say anything as puberty causes body changes and as long as I provided healthy food for her to eat and plenty of opportunities for her to exercise to but out and let nature take it's course.

I was overweight and worried about her. Well I am still overweight and my daughter has never been. She now lectures me about diet and exercise saying I will not be healthy enough to look after my grandchildren if I do not make changes to my lifestyle. She is right.

Kelly - posted on 02/14/2012

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I guess it depends on how bad it is. Is she packing on a spare 10 pounds or is she in or approaching obesity? Anyways just like if she was doing damge to her body in other ways you would have a conversation I think it can be easily approached as well just gently as teens are very concerned about fitting in and looks so it can be a sensitive topic. I would limit hours on electronics. That seems to be a big lazy activity these days. Good to limit time for all kids not just the fat ones. Girls also seem to pack on a few spare pounds near the puberty years and sometimes slim down again later in high school. So take that into consideration. Biggest thing. Find an activity she enjoys and get her signed up.....dance, horseback riding, fencing etc. There are many fun different things even if she isn't into typical sports.

Tinker1987 - posted on 02/13/2012

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I guess just educate her,explain how eating right and being active is good for everything not just for looks, And dont buy Junk, if its not there she cant eat it, if your planning a family movie night or something buy some snacks but i know wheni was growing up there was always junk at arms reach so it was easy for me to gain weight,Now as a adult i have to keep the cupboards clean of junk. and i useally do good. Its a sensitive subject, especially at her age and in school, i was a snacker alot because i was bullied alot in school. im still a bit of a emotional eater... Good luck maybe ask her what she would like to do for a activity,is there something she favors like swimming,jogging ect?

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YOu can't be responsible for everything that she does but you certainly can be in charge of what groceries come into your home. You absolutely can be responbile for making sure she gets exercise by doing it along with her.

Sherri - posted on 02/13/2012

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My son is also 14 and I started being honest about his weight a few years ago. About a year ago I simply put all the control in his court. He was 13 and needed to started taking responsibility for his own choices.



I wasn't out to hurt him although I won't lie I did but he had to hear it. I would also point out very obese people in public and ask him if he wanted to look like them when he was older. He started making amazingly better choices and has leveled out and is finally on the right track. He is not anorexic and thanks me everyday for not beating around the bush about it.

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