how do I tell my son he has another dad, his real dad?

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Ria - posted on 04/06/2015

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It is important to consider age and emotional maturity before entering this conversation. How old is your son? I waited until my son was 10 and made sure to separate fact from opinion. His biological father was abusive and made reckless decisions. I left out telling him about the abuse as I didn't want him to "own" that. My husband and I sat down with him without our other children and just told him that while anybody can become a parent, it doesn't mean they are ready to take onthe responsibilities of being a parent. I made sure to stress that my husband loved him so much that he chose him to be his first baby and not a lot of people get to hand pick their first kid! Kids are resilient but be prepared for questions at any time. I told my son he was free to ask questions at any time and he would get as honest an answer as I could give.

Jodi - posted on 04/05/2015

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I also don't understand why people don't tell their kids these things right from the get-go. How you tell him now will depend on how old he is.

Ev - posted on 04/05/2015

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This is what I do not get about situations where a mom does not tell her child that the bio father is the real father and allows the child to think the man in their life at the moment is the daddy?

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River - posted on 04/08/2015

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It depends on the child's age. You didn't give much information so it's hard to really give a helpful answer. What's a good answer for one situation could be a bad answerr for yours. Also, why does this child not know that about their biological father? To me it seems wrong to hide that from a child. It also seems wrong to not allow the father in the child's life. Unless he was a danger to the child.

Jodi - posted on 04/06/2015

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I like Paige's idea! Although I do warn against being entirely honest with WHY you split up. They don't really always need to know anything about why other than that it didn't work out. Even at 22, my step daughter doesn't know that her parents split up 19 years ago because her mother cheated on her father 4 times with 4 different men. She doesn't need to know that, not ever.

Paige - posted on 04/06/2015

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I am actually in the same situation, though I have been preparing for it. My solution is to create a photo book with the story of how my daughter was brought into this world. Ex. page one is photos of her real dad, info on where we met, etc. Page two is info on her birth, three is when and why we left, etc. I found that having this for her, to pick up and read or look at whenever she wants, gets her accustomed at an early age to the idea of having another biological dad. It just opens a door for discussion. I made mine of Shutterfly, but there are lots of sites. I tried to add as much information as possible, and be as honest as possible. This way it was never kept a secret, and she feels like she has control over the situation a little but by at least having information. This might be something, if he's older, you could make and present to him. Hope this helps!

Dove - posted on 04/06/2015

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How you approach this depends on his age and understanding (or lack of understanding) of biology. It is not really a 'hard' concept to understand that one man helped make him and one man is helping to raise him, but it's certainly easier to start him out w/ that knowledge than to have to approach it as some 'big thing'. Depending on his age will depend on how much information he can handle and what questions he may have.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/06/2015

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Whats done is done and you cannot go back, but you can make this a positive thing for your son. How old is your son? That is going to make the world of difference about how to talk with him about it.

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