how do u disapline a child with ADHD help!!

Sarah - posted on 03/28/2009 ( 36 moms have responded )

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my daughter is 9 and nothing phases her when shes told off i dont no what to do

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User - posted on 03/28/2009

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hi my son was diagnosed when he was five yrs old with a.d.h.d and dyspraxia too he was put on ritalin by his psychiatrist and the change in him was unbelieveable but their was still some behaviour problems i got him some help in school for his dyspraxia therypy for 1 hour a day had to push for everything though get help off your senco if statemented at school and dont take no for an answear fight for everything for her my son his now 18 yrs old and at college he takes concerta now which is ritalin in one doseage slow release form and is better if she has trouble with her writing like my son forming letters fight for a lap top for her she will amaze you they do better my son is a whizz on the computer but put a pen in his hand and he goes to peices as for discipline treat her the same as you would any other child but re inforce and repeat it be firm but fair like you would any normal child they just need alot more patience to access the information thats being told to them and always get down to their level and make eye contact with them no good just shouting at them as it goes over there heads and you find yourself repeating  things twenty times till your screaming at them and then your frustrated and that makes things worse. try and get her into a group or contact sport that will help with frustration and give her some self discipline aswell tried everything with my son over the yrs football'judo,karate;kick boxing and finaly got him in a brilliant boxing club he his a changed lad over the last yr and i have been able to reduce his meds down to 36mg a day from 54mg so it does work and also watch her diet i know it always gets blamed but its not the case but some things do make my son hyper even on meds chocolate and fizzy drinks are worse my lads been better with healthy diet but still needs meds daily hope i have helped in a small way and remember your not alone. things will get better try and get a referal from your gp to get her on meds if she isnt on them already it took twelve months to diagnose my lad they dont give them wily nilly like the papers say but they do help with the right dose and a good doctor wish you luck maggie xxx

Shelly - posted on 03/28/2009

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Sarah,



  You punish her the same way you would any other child...Do not treat her any differently than if she didn't have a disability....Why would you want her growing up using the excuse that she can't because she has ADHD???  Treat her the same way as your other children...

Anita - posted on 03/30/2009

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My adhd child is now 17, I so understand what you are going though. Unfortunately there are no easy answers to parenting these children other then consistency. The more consistent you are, the better it will be. Also because of her age I can suggest something that worked somewhat with us. We began posting a list of rules and consequences on the fridge (always keep a back up copy as the first will get torn up at a time of anger). It took the "emotion" out of parenting. We would take him to the list and say, this is what you did, what is your punishment. Making it his responsibility. Also we never did punishments where he was to stay in his room or sit still etc. His punishments were quick things like clean the toilet, scrub the bathtub, put away dishes etc. that way he was "doing" something and suffering a consequence as well. I also must say whatever the consequence was, it was not one of his normal chores.

[deleted account]

ok I got lucky I have one with ADHD and one with ADD.  It is the worst feeling ever when they go off...  I can feel your pain..  Meds didn't work as they only made the ADHD child more angry and go off more often.  You need to find out what she likes to have or do most and take that privilage or thing away for a short time.  ADHD children will forget what happened in a matter of minutes.  Sometimes they can't even remember what they were doing 5 seconds ago.  



The up side to it is as she gets older she will grow out of it some but it is something that she needs to learn to control herself.  Therapy does help.  She will have issues with some of the symptoms her whole life.  I as well was an ADHD child, I had to learn to control myself and get to know my triggers.  I think for you just try to learn as much about the ADHD as possible.  



oh yea and never ignore the bad.  Place her somewhere where she cannot hurt herself and let her have her tantrum then talk to her when she has calmed down. it is the old both parties need to count to 10 rule but some times getting to 10 takes 20 - 30 mins...  Good luck...  

Alaina - posted on 03/28/2009

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you might want to ask your healthcare provider about o.d.d that is what my son was diagnosed with along with adhd. and he had the same problem with being dicsiplined nothing phased him.. this is not the adhd that is odd alot of times when kids have add or adhd they will also exhibit signs of o.d.d. while i personally dont believe in medicated my children i have found that a vitamin supplement contain the proteins from milk that naturally calms you before bed helps and then its really all about the whole family coming together and learning techniques and changing diets nad family counseling. i think alternatives are so much better. its like everything else in life you get out of it what you put into it.

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Autumn - posted on 12/29/2011

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Grounding or time out is the only thing I would suggest talking to your child even if you think they are not listening...they are. I grew up with ADHD and so did my son's father so I just expect my son to have it as well. Holding a child down is not what a person should do considering I had it. In my situation it only made me madder. I did also use the excuse of having ADHD because my parents allowed me to and I am 25 still struggling to discipline myself. It is a challenge.

Sarah - posted on 04/02/2009

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i do have house rules but she goes to her dads at weekends and he said she is good for him and lets her get away with things i wont its hard work xxxx

Karina - posted on 04/01/2009

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my son who is know 10 and he has that pluse more what i had to do was have him tell me what he did was wrong and why it is wrong and what he should have done and the house rules have to be the same every where you go and where she stay and you must have eye contact at all time so you know they are there and try not to eall they will tune you wright out if maybe email me kmakissa@yahoo.ca im karina

Pamela - posted on 03/31/2009

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Try to keep eye contact by placing a gentle hand under the chin and lifting the head until the eyes connect. Speak softly, gently and lovingly. End the discipline with a big hug and a "I know you can do this!"

Wendi - posted on 03/31/2009

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you could talk to a child psychologist........ but you could try explaining what they did wrong and say now you dont get to play with... insert fave toy here..... for say 3 days. tell her that big girls dont act that way and it wont be tolerated. stick to your guns no matter what

Evelyn Sautie - posted on 03/30/2009

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If she has been diagnoised your dr is the best they can help you get some training or recommend books it is tuff .But you can do it your bigger and smarter, remember that.I found later in life that it is better to laugh than to cry even if you are tired.

Jodie - posted on 03/30/2009

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Quoting Shelly:



Sarah,






  You punish her the same way you would any other child...Do not treat her any differently than if she didn't have a disability....Why would you want her growing up using the excuse that she can't because she has ADHD???  Treat her the same way as your other children...






i have to agree with Shelly.



i have a 15yr old step son with ADHD. i am very close to him and ppl comment on how his behaviour has improved and how different he is when he is around me. it is because i treat him no different to how i treat my own 2 children. he is not stupid, slow, or special, as he says ppl say he is, he is far from it, very clever, very smart and special as an individual so i treat him accordingly.  if he does something that makes me upset i talk to him about it and he reponds better than any punishments his father has tried in the past. not being fased was a complaint his father always had when he would punish his son, which would frustrate my partner further and in turn would make my stepson not care because he felt his dad didnt understand him. my stepson is on meds to help his chemical imbalance not to make him a normal person, his already normal and likes to be treated the same.

User - posted on 03/30/2009

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I don't know if you know this but if you watch the foods with red dye #40 and Blue dyes can cause the hyper activity to get out of control. I watched a child that had ADHD and when he got the red and blue dyes he was a little out of hand. Also you need to make sure that she gets alot of play time running around (try sports that require them to run) But the biggest thing is ot rember that she is a child and has a hard time expressing herself. Don't let her walk all over you if she keeps getting her way now she will be a little hellion on wheels when she is a teen. Best of luck to you!

Tracey - posted on 03/30/2009

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My son is 5 years old. He was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD most recently.  You can NOT discipline a child with these obstacles like you would a "normal" child. Their thinking capability and information processes are completely different. Some kids respond to easier methods such as "the naughty chair", which I used, "privileges being removed", "no dessert after dinner" etc. Try several different things until you find one that is IMPORTANT to her. Only until she's disconnected from her favorite thing, will you see changes. This is such a hard avenue as I deal with it everday. Thankfully, I have been successful with some lessor consequences. I too have spoken to my sons Psychologist about these avenues and believe it or not, they've worked for me!  Good luck!

Heather - posted on 03/30/2009

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I have found that getting the child to clam is the key. Then get down to eye level and talk in a firm voice(not a yell). Explain what was wrong, how you want them to act and then what the punishment is. Once you say something stick to it! order/repatition is also good.
While doing homework take short "breaks"...ask her to go get a drink or something that only takes a min or so. My son and I do one page @ a time then take a small break. It does take a little longer but he doesnt seem to have a break down when he gets to get up and move once in awhile.
My son is 1 of 4 and I have to disagree with one of the other posts...You can NOT treat a child with ADHD in the same manner as a child without it. You can raise them the same but you have to go about things a little different.

Michelle - posted on 03/30/2009

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the worst u can do is dont tell her of .u sit down and talk 2 her quitly .tell her not 2 do what shes doing and 2 exsplain to her why she shouldnt do wat shes doing .but u need 2 take her 2 the doctors and exsplain wat going on .

[deleted account]

Hi I have a 8 year old daughter. I am a  single mom and I have a 13 month old son. My daughter and I both have ADHD and we are in consluling every week. You are all right  for your own kids and sugguests are a great thing to try. The thing I have fond is dont loose your temper. They will do it; dont every stop or give up. That is what happened when I was growing up. Talk to them!!! They may be kids, but they are human. Set up the rule make sure they know and unstand them and what happens when they break them. Remind this is the most important KEEP IT SIMPLE!!!

Terri - posted on 03/30/2009

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Hello. Am so glad my adhd child is nearly 16 and not 8 again! He will leave school this year and as he's got older, his adhd has changed. His main problems are attention and concentration, has very little of both. I think i tried everythin when he was younger and nothing worked! He had favourite toys which i would conviscate or threaten to throw away (sometimes i did and hubby retrieved it from the bin!), parties or events i'd threaten he couldn't go to as well as praisin the good, none of it worked. All children are different and will respond differently, so keep trying out different techniques. Good luck.

Sharon - posted on 03/30/2009

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My son is 12 and has ADHD. It has been a long hard road and we still don't really know how to discipline him every time. I always ask other parents who have children with behavioural problems how they deal with it, my husband attended a course for parents with behavioural problems, we read books, go to seminars, see a psychologist, you name it. We have used lists, star charts, reward systems. We have found one thing that works reasonably well: he loves the Playstation so the privelege of playing it is removed for inappropriate behaviour. It's the only 'punishment' (hate that word) that really works. If you can find something similar it may help but it's really just a back-up measure for when nothing else works. Being positive and loving is the best thing (try reading 'How to Really love your child' - Ross Campbell, I think). We find our son operates best in a routine environment. When out of routine he seems to not be able to recognise boundaries. It does get a little easier as they get older, they get a bit more mature while you have more experience & knowledge. When our son was 8 he had to be medicated to go to school otherwise he would get detentions every single day and could not understand what he'd done wrong at all. Now he's less reliant on it which is great as we really don't like him taking it at all.

Nicola - posted on 03/30/2009

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Hi sarah i also have a nine year old girl who has adhd, the only advice that i can give u is to be as firm as u can stick to what u tell her, i find that change of routine disruptes my daughter ignore as much of the bad behaviour that u can without it having an effect on any of your other children and praise her when she is being good. My therapist always says be firm but fair and make sure that she knows that all her actions can have negative and positive reactions so that she will learn how far she can go before she pushes the boundries it is hard but hopefully it will pay of for u as it has for me we still have bad days but we have a lot more good days now good luck.

Robyn - posted on 03/28/2009

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I would take something away from her that she really likes so she knows there are consequences to her actions.  I have a son with ADHD and it works very well with him.

Samantha - posted on 03/28/2009

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my son is also very creative..he loves art with a passion..i too put him on medication for school reasons..he was vfery behind, now hes almost up to date..his worst subject being maths..but hey we cant all be good at everything can we??

Stephanie - posted on 03/28/2009

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I have 2 daughters that were diagnosed with the same thing, one is 13 now and the other is 8 (she is a twin also). Usually what I do is make them sit on the chair in the kitchen (or where ever I can keep and eye on them) I set the timer and they aren't allowed to yell or argue back at me. Sometimes I make them write down what they did wrong and why it was wrong. It is tuff but if you can find an outlet for them it helps. My 13 year old draws (they say kids with ADD are creative) when she gets angry she draws, and that helps to release some energy and anger. I hope some of this helps. I also have 2 other daughters without ADD. We did make the hard choice to put them on medication strictly for the purpose of school. My oldest went from failing to honor roll when she started taking the meds.

Samantha - posted on 03/28/2009

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my son was diagnosed with adhd when he was 5..he is 13 now..when he was younger he had 3 warnings after the 3rd warning he was placed upin a naughty chair, i would explain why he was there and he would have to stay there for 1 min per 1 year of age...after his time was up he would say sorry for his behavour.as he grew older the naughty chair stopped, he continued with the 3 warnings then after the 3rd i would take something off him that he enjoyed the most...ie game console..comp..tv etc etc..i too was told to ignore the bad behavoiur and praise the good....i found this very hard around my other children as they thought i was favouring my son...do what you feel is right and can cope with without upsetting any other children in the family..ive heard reward charts are good..all ya can do is give it a try...good luck..and things do get better xxx

Amie - posted on 03/28/2009

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All behaviour is communication she is trying to get your attention and tell you something - perhaps for the wrong reasons. She is old enough to be explained to that her behaviour is unacceptable and I agree she shouldnt be able to walk through life saying I have ADHD so therefore I cant control myself. Find out her behaviour triggers (write them down until you see a pattern) is it the same thing? Also work out what calms her - some kids I work with who have behaviour problems find drinking ice cold water calming, a special blanket, a quiet room etc. Once calm write out what happened and (with her) what she could do instead next time she finds herself getting out of control. There must also be consequences - with good behaviour let her earn pieces of a puzzel that lead to a special outing with bad she loses a piece (same can be used for a new toy or game she really wants). Hope this helps its not easy but with consistency you should see reslts. Many amazing people with ADHD have done great things eg: Yehuda Berg from the Kabbalah Centre. Good luck.

Rhoda - posted on 03/28/2009

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hi Sarah,



My son was diagnosed with dyspraxia, and the specialist had some concern about ADHD, I know how you feel, my son is so hard on himself he is eight now, and disipline his is alway tricky I have to be careful what I say to him, but just sitting down an explaning his behaviour, but over and over cause with the dyspraxia it wont register for a while

Shannon - posted on 03/28/2009

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If she gets like that try holding her down till she calms down.  also get a very cold washcloth and put it on the back of her neck.  That works a little bit to calm them down and get them to understand whats going on.  This way sh can't hurt herself and get the doctor involved, maybe she needs to be on meds.

Shannon - posted on 03/28/2009

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If she gets like that try holding her down till she calms down.  also get a very cold washcloth and put it on the back of her neck.  That works a little bit to calm them down and get them to understand whats going on.  This way sh can't hurt herself and get the doctor involved, maybe she needs to be on meds.

Shannon - posted on 03/28/2009

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If she gets like that try holding her down till she calms down.  also get a very cold washcloth and put it on the back of her neck.  That works a little bit to calm them down and get them to understand whats going on.  This way sh can't hurt herself and get the doctor involved, maybe she needs to be on meds.

Sarah - posted on 03/28/2009

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shes also got dispraxia which can make her frustrated ,when she gets wound up theres just no calming her im scared shell hurt herself and her behaviour drives me mad ive tried all sorts with her



 

Shannon - posted on 03/28/2009

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It is very hard to find a disapline that works.  What we do is take my sons game away.  Because of the ADHD his punishments are for short periods of time.  This seems to help him.  My son is 11 and has a couple of other problems. Also if your daughter is seeing a doctor find out from him what would be a good way to go.

Sarah - posted on 03/28/2009

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Quoting Jennifer:



Has she been officially diagnosed with ADHD?  If yes, speak with her doctor or therpist.






yes just over a year ago her specialist says ignore bad behaviour and praise the good its easy to praise but not ignore because if i ignore one childs behaviour i have to treat my other daughter the same ive tried everything i feel like im hitting my head off a wall



 

Jennifer - posted on 03/28/2009

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Has she been officially diagnosed with ADHD?  If yes, speak with her doctor or therpist.

Jessica - posted on 03/28/2009

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Quoting Sarah:

how do u disapline a child with ADHD help!!

my daughter is 9 and nothing phases her when shes told off i dont no what to do



yes i hear you my son who is 8 years old and has A.d.h.d and I noticed that nothing phased him ever too, we found a wonderful doctor that specilize in adhd, and he tells too try to stick to our word everytime its hard but we use the games yes it is very hard too do diapline

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