How do u teach a 6yr old to keep hands to self when he's been smacked around most of his life??

Mary - posted on 09/10/2011 ( 19 moms have responded )

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he's 6 n been to hell n back and having issues with keeping his hands to himself..our school has kinda of a strict code on that too and we're having issues on the bus this yr. he's always picking on people n doesn't seem to know when to back off and when he gets in truble specially here he's been know to raise a fist to me and instead of using words to express he hits.
not making excuses but alot has to do w/the fact he's been man-handled by mom so to speack,I mean at 5 he was slapped so hard cross the face it sent him flying n left mark on face almost a month,she's backed him from one end of the house to the other yelling n screaming all the way..mom's hubbie packed him a box once with closthes and toys (AT 4 1/2 yrs.old)set it outside door n told him if he wasn't happy there you go..robert has seen alot of bad fights n arguments,alot of hitting yelling and screaming until he came to live w/nana..he has alot of agressiveness ,anger and resentment specially towards him mom..he's gone so far has to express and tell mom he doesn't ever want to live w/her..so he is in counciling and things r slowing improvinf excepting for always hitting or picking on others.sorry so long sometimes feels good just to get it out...

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Tamara - posted on 09/10/2011

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Teach other ways to show anger and disappointment. It will not change over night you need to be constant with this and talk to the school about his past, mainly his teacher and the principal so they are in the loop they may also have ideas.

Be constant and calm, even when he does something to you its best to stay calm and remind him that he is safe now and no longer needs to defend himself.

Good Luck, I have been there so i know how hard it is.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/10/2011

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If he is just a visitor in your home, then i would suggest setting house rules and review them with him every time he enters. If he disobeys, he needs to go home....To many times sent home means he cannot return. But also, a reward system would be nice.

Tamara - posted on 09/10/2011

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Ya know what you could do, is have him help you cook meals since he likes to cook and then it will give him something to feel proud of, tell him good job and things like that.

Mary - posted on 09/10/2011

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yes mam,I have temp custuody for at least 5yrs.thru a demestic violence case...I have control but not cause both parents have court ordered visitation.long story....and yes he does needs lots of love,paitents and then some.he's is in counciling and checking in to some other things that daughter n sil were supposed to several yrs.ago and seems they just couldn't find the time.autisum testing has also been sugjested..daughter's divorce is to b finial this month and couple things will change that hopefully make a big difference...

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/10/2011

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Ok, I am sorry....I just saw he was in counseling. If you are now the care giver, it may do you some get to get in a counseling session yourself, and learn new techniques how to properly handle him. Don't forget to talk to the school, and tell them what this poor boy has been through, so they can also discipline him properly, and give him extra love and attention. Also, they may not be so hard on him if they see you attempting to rectify his behavior at home.

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Christine - posted on 09/10/2011

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One thing you may want to try, until things begin to settle down and he can control himself better, is to encourage him to hit a pillow or couch cushion if he cannot control that desire to hit. I know the desired behavior here is that he not hit at all, and I completely agree that he needs to get to that point, but right now he's a scared and angry little man who sounds like he needs an outlet sometimes. It is definitely better to have him hit something that is soft that won't be hurt by his hitting but that also won't hurt him instead of him hitting other kids or you. I have tons of respect for you in this situation and I hope that it all begins to settle down :)

Tamara - posted on 09/10/2011

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Thats awesome news. I hope he finds ways to deal with this fast. like I said i know how hard it is.

Mary - posted on 09/10/2011

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he has a time or to,he's always wanting to help and some don't allow him to like i will..he even helps sweep the floors..

Mary - posted on 09/10/2011

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we've both come along way and I know there b a long way to go,him n I have been together more or less since birth cause daughter was young n not ready so nana's always been there needed or not...thank you again for the encouraging words..♥

Mary - posted on 09/10/2011

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Thank You Marina it's helps to hear encouraging words,hubbie's a truck driver n I have few friends to talk to bout things like this.I've learned thru all this u have to watch who allow in and out in situations has such..

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/10/2011

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That is awesome Mary! Sounds like you are already doing a great job. your love will shine through. The difficult times are gonna be rough, but it really sounds like you are on the right track. Good for you!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/10/2011

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Ohhhhh...you can TOTALLY use tv time and computer time as the reward system!

Mary - posted on 09/10/2011

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nana's never been one to actually spank but try to use effective wats to teach him right from wrong..he's big on cartoons n playing on pc...and likes to hang with pa when he's home and thier teaching both of us different things in counciling...

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/10/2011

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He is old enough where you can start having him do simple things to feel important....like help you at the grocery store putting fruits and veggies in bags, counting them, having him help you take the correct items off the shelf and putting them in the basket. Also, he can help you cook....help putting things into the pots...Just making him feel important. Showing him he has a place in your home. Just suggestions that might help if you have not already thought of them.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/10/2011

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Poor little guy. You definately have your work cut out for you. I don't want this to turn into an anti spanking thread, but if possible do not use spanking as a discipinary tool. He has had more than his fair share of abuse, and he needs to trust you. Time outs work wonders, but can take time adjusting to them. Reward charts for his age may be your saving grace.

Mary - posted on 09/10/2011

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and harder yet is fact that dad isn't dad,but has been in his life 3-4 yrs but has also mistreated lil man...

Mary - posted on 09/10/2011

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yes that's what taking place in counciling now,and that's what I hoping cause the school knows the circumstances..

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/10/2011

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Do you have the child now? Do you have any control over his current situation? It sounds like that child needs a lot of love and attention....also some serious therapy.

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