How do we guide a child's personality?I'm "only" a step-mom but I see things differently... HELP

New Stepmom... - posted on 07/22/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




Being a new stepmother of a 5 year old boy (almost 6) is hard! I do not have any children of my own but I have plenty of nieces and nephews. One of my nephews is 4 years old, and he and my stepson play regularly.

I've been in David's life (step son) for almost 2 years. The first year I was completely hands off as far as raising David. This last year, as I'm now his step-mom, I've been more involved and it seems as though David, his dad couldn't be happier. I just don't feel as happy anymore. I see things that David's dad and David's mom don't see.

David's personality now: he tattles on any little thing the neighbor kids, or my nieces and nephews do. He is a very serious for only being 5. He still is entertained by shows - Peppa Pig- designed for toddlers. If he doesn't want to do something it seems like he shuts down? ( for example yesterday David, my husband and my niece went to the Zoo. There was an interactive station inside for the kids to make kites. My niece - who just turned 2 - was soooo excited and she sat down and made a kite. David didn't want to so he just sat there with a blank look on his face and wouldn't respond to the woman asking him what kind of kite he made. His dad took him away to see something else but without addressing that it isn't polite to ignore someone)

I know that every child is different but my nephew at 4 years old, and even my niece at 2 years old have more 'personality' than David. I feel guilty for feeling this way but I want to help David if I can? Have him loosen up a bit? I don't even know if this is possible.

Thanks for listening, this is the first time I've actually expressed this and any tips or even stories to know that I'm not alone would be great!


LTM - posted on 07/22/2014




Hmmm. I understand what you're saying, but it sounds to me like you've not been around enough children yet to know how very different they all are. Yes, maybe you'll be able to help David loosen up a bit, but that will come from his confidence growing more than anything. It would be a h-u-g-e mistake for you to somehow view his personality as 'wrong'. Just take a look around you at the adults who achieve great things in this world and imagine them as 5 year olds. They weren't all like your niece and nephew. Your serious step son just might help make the world a better place in years to come. I do hope you'll encourage this potential future brain surgeon or medical researcher or extraordinary inventor or whatever else he may grow up to be. It would be a shame if he is ever made to feel uncomfortable about being who he is. You wouldn't want to be responsible for that, would you? I strongly encourage you to accept and appreciate the little boy he is, so he can confidently grow into the man he will become. Oh, and btw, some of my kids are adults now, yet they've always been happy to sit down and watch cartoons with the littler ones. lol. Even when they were in high school I'd bust them watching Astro Boy and other very young tv shows with their siblings. :) I'm not giving you a hard time, honestly. Just encouraging you to loosen up a little, before you create an uncomfortable dynamic between yourself and young David. Good luck.

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