How Do You Choose Between Your Husband & Children?

Stacy - posted on 01/30/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )




How do you choose between your husband & kids (they are my kids. He's step dad))?.. I feel like that's my life! God says to love & honor your husband but he also really so much loves the children, & so I believe that I too should (which I love my kids anyways). My hubby says my kids are disrespectful, & at times they are. What about him though? He doesn't respect them. I'm not condoning their behavior but still tho. Why do you feel like just because they're kids they don't deserve to be respected? You want respect, you should give it! J/s... I feel like he shouldn't always be on top of pointing out their wrongs but never ever does he point out their rights or notice their good behavior. Hell.... You don't even just aknowlege their regular normal behavior.. I don't know what to do but I know what my heart feels & it doesn't feel like it's right! I will be true, love & honor him, but I will do absolutely NOTHING for him until he learns how to treat my kids!!!!


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/30/2013




Once you have children, you NEVER put a man before them. Prior to any subsequent marriage, counseling should be entered by ALL involved parties, and if the kids and the new man don't mesh, don't marry!

Being an adult does not automatically mean that you are respected. If the adult does nothing to EARN respect, then they will not receive it. You cannot, nor should you force your children to automatically respect someone because they are an adult. If the adult treats the child fairly, and with a certain amount of respect for the child, but the child is disrespectful, then that is a problem. But if the adult makes no effort to treat the child with any amount of respect, then the adult has no right to expect the respect. Doesn't work that way. My step mother tried that tack : "you MUST show me respect because I'm married to your father". I replied with "When you show me the appropriate respect (such as don't hit on my husband when you're married to my father), then and only then will I consider respecting you". Granted, I'm an adult step child, so I can make my own adult decisions. However you should not throw the consideration of your children's feelings out the window just to please your new man.

I'd suggest counseling fast. But, if he won't come around, divorce is the option.


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Lakota - posted on 01/30/2013




I had a friend with the same issue. She ended up telling him to go and they divorced. All he did was point out what her kids did wrong. If they were sitting still and was very quiet, he still found something they did wrong. That was actually the only time he communicated with them or even acknowledged they were in the house. Never said anything kind or loving to them. So, she kicked him out. The kids should be respectful to you and to him. But, there is a problem if he demands their respect just because he is an adult, but, shows them no kindness or respect back. If it doesn't feel right, listen to your instincts. This will end up hurting your kids and they will resent you for that.

Holly - posted on 01/30/2013




kids are to EARN respect. adults deserve it. I feel as though i don't have enough info to go off for this. I left my last husband because he was emotionally abusive twards my children. so i can understand where you worry about kids or husband coming first. but if you children are being disrespectul, you need to correct that behavior. even if it is "normal teen behavior" doesn't mean it should go unpunished.

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