How do you communicate with a 13 year old who thinks he knows everything?

Katrina - posted on 06/23/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Whatever advise I give him or whatever I tell him to do he thinks his way is always best. Even in punishing the younger siblings. Everything is I know mom.

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Trisha - posted on 06/25/2009

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I have found that with my 13 year old Ephesians 6:1-2 from the bible is an excellent verse for them to memorize and to write Numerous times!! WORK and CHORES always works as a last resort. I also have found that permanent duty in a certain area works well to help with the laziness and half done stuff You have permanent kitchen duty until you do things right and with pride.

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Yonna - posted on 05/03/2012

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How do I make my children ages 11 and 13 spend time with their dad, on his weekends the kids are always busy with their friends. I dont want to make my kids go.
How do I handle this. I get grief from my ex and threats of "Lawyer Time". What do i do?

Jodi - posted on 07/06/2009

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oh, I remember being there as a kid, and I have dealt with this a lot recently. I agree with those that said that eventually he will grow out of this stage. You just have to keep reminding them that you are the parent, thank you very much, and they can parent their own children when they have them. The know it all stage is aggravating! This one takes forever! My 19 year old is still there! But it is what makes them so sure that they can leave the house, and that you really want them to leave. So hang in there.

Terri - posted on 06/24/2009

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I have a 15 yr. old son and just went through this with him at the same age, and thank goodness he's on the other side of it. This is a hard age for young teenage boys. They aren't kids anymore and they aren't men yet; they just don't really fit. But I read a book that had some real wisdom for me for this age. It said to be careful not to degrade them. When you talk to them or discipline them like you did when they were younger, they feel like their being treated like a baby. They're needing to feel respected and approved of like a man even though they aren't quite there. He may be wanting you to ask him his opinion or thoughts and doesn't know how to express himself. This approach actually helped my son start to take more responsibility in the areas that he was suppose to and it also helped him to start talking to me more about things that were deeper. It doesn't mean he doesn't have boundaries or consequences for his inappropriate actions, it just meant I had to have a little more imagination to make it age appropriate. For my son, if he tries to punish one of the younger siblings, he gets to turn around and do something for them instead. Clean their room, do their chores, play a game with them. He's not their parent which is really hard for the oldest child to remember especially since they naturally are the protector and we as parents tend to already put more resonsibility on the oldest. Putting them in a position to serve their siblings, helps to remove the parenting role from them and remind them their still just a brother/sister too. There's no quick answer. It's one day and one opportunity at a time.

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I have the female version- my second one and this is the age that that reminds me of something I heard someone say once: I know why animals eat their young. When they are first born they look so sweet and adorable and yummy that you just want to nibble them all up. Then when they get about 12 or 13... well, then it's VERY clear why they eat them. haha I think the main goal for this age is to get them through it without YOU saying anything that will be burned indelibly on their brain (in a bad way) and to make sure THEY don't do anything so stupid they'll regret it for the rest of their lives. That's about all I've got so far. I've got one more girl and a boy yet to go through it, God help me.

Laura - posted on 06/24/2009

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Just as an experiment, try the BMG session. If all else fails, drag the kid out in to the middle of nowhere and let him vent out to a wheat field.

Marjorie - posted on 06/24/2009

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Well, I am not an expert, but have raised FOUR 13 yr olds. LOL. At this age, they are tweens, so they feel like misfits. Not kids, not adults, and trying hard to find identity. Affirming what he is good at , affirming that he is developing right on schedule and that his ideas are so welcome, however, you even though you are willing to listen, it is important that he is confident that you will do the parenting. The "I know MOM" is his desperate attempt to convince you he is no longer a little kid. He need lots and lots of affirmation that you KNOW that. How about sitting down with him and say something like: "You know son, you are growing up so fast I might not have caught up with this yet. Why don't you and I come up with some of the things you see yourself doing now that you're not a little kid anymore." Just affirming that you know that will go a long way in allowing him to stop trying to PROVE it to you.

There are a lot of little comments like, "Now that you're 13, I think we can allow you to..." and so many things like that.

And if none of those things works, I always comforted myself with Carol Burnett's quip: "Just treat them like escapees from the local mental ward, and you pretty much have it."

Hope some of this helps.
MDS

Cassie - posted on 06/24/2009

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My children are very young but i keep saying that I will never have teenagers, because I fear those years! I know from my being a teenager and what i put my mom through that the best thing to think is that its just a phase, someday you will wake up and you will have a loving young man back!

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do not allow him to discipline his siblings,EVER! If he is being heavy handed with them, remove the little ones. Sounds like he needs some activity that will help him focus his energies on not being a know it all, maybe a parttime job, you have got to let your kids screw up sometimes, and that means not always stepping in when they are behind the eight ball, and keeping our mouths shut when we can see where they will go wrong. Canoe lessons? rock climbing? an activity where he is not the expert, and has to listen to one or end up in the hot water...something he can do without you and the little kids, just for him...I like reminding mine that everyone has opinions and a*#holes, and nobody is that interested in either...

Melane - posted on 06/24/2009

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How old are the younger siblings? Did you put him in this position? I have a 14 year old boy who is the same way, but his father and I are guilty of putting him there. Have ya ever said "Watch your brother and sister for a minute we'll be right back"? I have. It's hard for him to transition between baby sitter and brother. That's something all of us are working on right now.

Diane - posted on 06/23/2009

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ask him if you know so much then how come you chose this action (what ever he did), if ya knew it, then you knew it was wrong....I call it (kill them with logic)

Margaret - posted on 06/23/2009

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punishing the younger siblings???? he isnt their parent he is a sibling it is NOT his position to punish at all punish him if he attempts to do so

Laura - posted on 06/23/2009

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Scan down on the welcome page and try my suggestion. Let me know how it goes. :-)

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