How do you cope with Daddy girl gone Haywire??

Tina-marie - posted on 02/07/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My 10yr girl has the run of her birth father's home, & she makes the rules there. Which her younger brother ends up being hurt in the process. But my main problem is: how do I stop her from doing that at my place?
I have rules that both my children have to follow, but sadly my girl throws it back at my face & her step dad as well, by saying 'I dont have to do that' or 'Dad wont make me do that, I do what I want do' (her birth father has brought their love ever since I left him 8yrs ago)
I love both my dearly, but tonight was the last straw, when she said to her brother that dad is not his dad but hers only & that you are nothing to him. And When I confrounted her about this She just said 'I don't care because you don't give me what I want, but daddy does. So he is my dad not his.'
I am at the end of my wit, & I feel like I am going to brake down in a crying heap. As sadly I can see that my boy & husband are hurting in this as well from her acting out in this behavour.

Please help

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Louise - posted on 02/07/2011

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I would ask to speak to your ex and try and calmly explain how this is affecting your other children and new partner. If he is reasonable then he should try and help out by having the same rules at his house. If he is an absolute pig and is reveling in causing you grief then speak to a family lawyer and ask if you can curtail his visitation rights as this sort of attitude is potentially doing harm to your daughters social well being. If he continues like this she will be a spoilt brat that will go off the rails by the time she is a teenager this needs to be stopped now. If you can speak to your ex or if he refuses to see you then write him a letter very calmly explaining what is going on. Do not blame him for the way he is bringing up his child but just say you think she should have stability in her life with the same rules coming from both parents. Good luck this is going to be a bumpy ride.

Kim - posted on 02/07/2011

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shout at her. tell her you are her mother and you are boss. she does as you and your husband tell her or she will be punished. take stuff out of her room and tell her it's because you paid for it you can take it away. tough love is the way to go. talk to her dad too. tell him about what she's doing at your's and try make him understand that she can't get away with everything. sit down and talk to her, tell her how upset it makes you and the family that she's being horrible and that she's upset her brother and that you are the family she has to live with and to follow by your rules or she will be punished. I feel for you I do. I'm sorry your child isn't being nice to you and is being spiteful to her brother. just remember that you can stop her going to see her dad, if he is reasonable with the conditions. if she doesn't behave for you then she can't do what she wants to do. be firm, just because she says sorry doesn't mean she's not going to do it again. she's being spoilt by her dad and he lets her walk all over him. don't let her do the same to you. no offence intented but grow some balls and stand up for your self and your husband and son. YOU are HER mother, YOU tell her what she can or can't do. YOU are BOSS and don't let her forget it. x

Alecia - posted on 02/07/2011

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DISCIPLINE!!!! she may act like a spoiled brat at her dad's house, but it UR HOUSE, UR RULES!!! a 10 yr old does not run the house. ground her, take stuff away...when shes older she'll realize that u only had her best interest at heart, but it will be tough now. u have to be the adult and take charge.

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Tina-marie - posted on 02/07/2011

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Thank you for the advice, I will stand strong and let her know I am mum not her. Plus have a talk with her birth dad, about this as well. Thankyou all again.

Sara - posted on 02/07/2011

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Perhaps talk to the school counsaler or maybe a family counsalor. Tell her that speaking that way is not apropriate get her to apologize or send her to a time out until she does,set out well defined rules and what happens when not followed then follow through. Highlight when she is good for examaple I liked when you got up on time and so on. I don't know if talking to the ex will help or not sometimes it is in one ear out the other.

Kim - posted on 02/07/2011

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oh yeah and it is YOUR house and YOU make the rules. don't go and slap her (like my granma would me if I was acting like that) but there are other ways in punishment.

YOUR HOUSE YOUR RULES YOUR CHILDREN YOUR LIFE! Don't be upset and cry about it. tell her. tell her everything and then if she carries on being a spoilt brat then take everything she cares about away from her or grownd her, so she can't go out when she wants. have a word with her dad (if you can) tell him to lay some ground rules or not let her go.

Remember If she says dad would let me, or dad wouldn't make me. tell her that he's not here is he? it's not his house! and he doesn't make the rules in your house! You are boss and you are her mother. stand up for yourself, if it means argueing with her then argue your socks off. stay calm though don't let her rise above you and take control. she's not boss, she's still a child and doesn't know whats right or wrong yet. she'll become an adult at 18 and thank you for knocking her down a few pegs, eventually. she may ignore you for a few days but remember to stand your ground and stick to the things you tell her. like if you threaten to take her tv away then do it. I've learnt this with my son, yes he's only 3 but he's been going to my mums and coming back a spoilt brat, who hates me and loves his granma. I spent the afternoon on saturday in asda trying to stop him crying "i want my marmar!" he eventually cried himself to sleep in the trolly, using my handbag as a pillow. He hit me yesterday because I told him not to do something, then he went crying to granma after i'd put him in the corner and told him off. Good luck! let me know how it goes :) hope i helped x

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