How do you deal with suicide in your family?

Sharon - posted on 01/06/2011 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Two days before Christmas my 18 year old cousin shot herself and I am having a hard time deal with it. I have only cried briefly and i can not stop thinking about her and feel like she has not gone but my mind tells me she is gone! How does one deal when someone you loved choice to kill herself. Troubled!

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Sherry - posted on 01/06/2011

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Suicide of a loved one is a very long road to recovery. I lost my brother to suicide and there are so many things to process. I cry sometimes when things remind me of him and other times I am fine with it. I have to say I have done a lot of praying and asking God for comfort. I am sorry you are hurting and that your cousin was hurting so much that suicide was a choice. My heart goes out to you and your family. Being able to talk to a good friend is key, someone who will listen and not say thoughtless things. I am sure you will go through a range of emotions, I know I did. If you have a counselor or a church leader you can speak with that can be helpful. There are many Suicide support groups that you can find on-line (finding a good one is KEY). Again, I am so sorry for your loss and will be praying for you and your family.

Louise - posted on 01/06/2011

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I think you need to find some sort of support group to talk this through. In England we have a charity called Cruise who deal with all aspects of bereavment. You really do need to talk this through whether it is with your immediate family or a group. You will have many unanswered questions and dealing with this alone is enough. The worst thing you can do is stop talking about her and sweep things under the carpet. Keep her memory alive by talking openly about the funny things she did or what you got up to as children. It has not been long since this happend and I expect you are feeling quite numb. Look into finding some help so call the doctors for some information and advice. No body can explain why others feel they need to take their life, it leaves a trail of misery behind. My thoughts are with you and your family I hope you can find peace.

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Softlyunspoken000 - posted on 10/16/2016

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Hello..
My name is Ariel and I am 26 years old!! I am a proud mommy to 3 beautiful girls!!
The reason that I joined this site is because I noticed that there are a lot of women who are dealing with their husbands/boyfriends committing suicide!!!!
5 days ago my two youngest daughter's and I walked into our spare bedroom because we couldn't find daddy!! As soon as I opened the door he was right there.. Hanging from the closet door...
In a panick I put my youngest daughter down with her sister and went to open the closet door.. At which point he fell!! He was already gone... So we waited for the ambulance to arrive.. And I was.. And still am absolutely devastated...
We were together for almost 9 years!! And we definitely have been in much much worse conditions than this before!!!! He had Multiple Sclerosis and it was flaring up.. But no more than usual!!!! Everything in life was finally good for us!! We just moved into a new place a month ago.. Now we were saving for a car!!!!
This literally came out of nowhere.....
Not once in the whole 12 years that I've known him have I ever heard him even mention killing himself... NEVER!!!!!

So my youngest keeps asking for her daddy.. And she's young enough yet that she doesn't really know what is going on!!!
But my middle child... She has been asking where her daddy is.. And when he will be coming home!??!? I haven't the slightest idea as to what to say to her?????
She's currently staying with my mother.. And she told my mother that she saw a belt around her daddies neck and that he didn't look right!!!
I'm terrified that she is going to be screwed up from all of this... That's not something a 3 year old should have to go through!!!!

But I really need help...
I need support...
I need advice...

I'm practically all alone.. Dealing with this by myself!!

And to make everything just that much worse...
My boyfriend's mom is telling everyone that I murdered Tim.. And that there is an open murder investigation going on!! She's saying that I was cheating on him.. And this new man and myself killed my boyfriend!!! 😭😢😭
She is refusing to let me be any part of the memorial services..
And she is refusing to let my daughter's and I have any of the ashes... I was going to make them into necklaces!!!!

I knew Tim unlike anyone else has ever known him.. And I know for a fact (I'd bet my life on it) that he would never in a million years leave his kids behind!! Nor would he leave me in such a way that leaves me guessing and driving myself crazy asking "why"??

I don't know how to move forward from here...
I don't know that I can...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.. I don't have a single person I can talk to about this!!!!
Thank you ladies...

Sharon - posted on 01/11/2011

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Talking to you on this network has helped me a great deal and I am very thankful for it and all of you who have responded to my post. Funny how complete strangers are more helpful than your own family! Thank you for your support!

Laura - posted on 01/11/2011

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I am so sorry for your loss! You have my deepest sympathies for you and your family. Death of a loved one is never easy particularly when the death is at their own hands. Keep talking about your feelings to your husband and any friends or family that will listen! While physical support groups may not exist where you live, the internet opens up opportunities for support that weren't there before. This technological tool might be helpful to you! Again, I am sorry for your loss...

Rosie - posted on 01/11/2011

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Oh you poor thing, this must just be horrible for you and your family. If you cant voice your opionions about your cousin perhaps another way is to write them down.
If you are sad or happy or even just thinking of her, writing it down helps so much. She must have felt she had no other choice, which is horribly sad for everyone left behind.

I wish you heaps of happiness and try and always remeber the good time. I hope she is R.I.P.

Sharon - posted on 01/11/2011

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Over the past week talking about it with other family members and my husband has helped a great deal. The country i live in does not have support groups and the culture i am from once the person has died and been buried you do not mention them again and your emotions must be displayed in private and thankful my husband has helped. Thank you for your reply!

Sharon - posted on 01/06/2011

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Thank you for your kind words truly helpful, I am praying and talking to others!

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