how do you Discipline your children

Tootie - posted on 12/01/2011 ( 204 moms have responded )

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with different ages in the house, or step children or one child, down to the 3 yr old..how do you maintain order and control?

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I got whooped and my brother and I are not violent ppl

You assault a 6yo with a belt.

Jodi - posted on 12/04/2011

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Really? You "whoop" if they don't keep up with their grades? Ugh.....what a way to motivate them. Did it ever occur to you that rewarding for good grades may be a better motivator than assaulting your child for not meeting YOUR expectations?

Alessia - posted on 12/03/2011

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I can't believe pinching and spanking children, let alone children under three years of age, is considered ok.

Tara - posted on 12/12/2011

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@Anne, so because I used the word Fuck in my post you ignore the rest of it? The word Fuck was used for emphasis. Mainly because I really do believe that society is skewed in their belief that children are owned by their parents and because you "own" them you have some kind of unilateral right to use force with your children in the name of discipline. The use of force is not discipline it is punishment. They are two different things.
Children learn through teaching and experiences, they can also be taught to "obey" through fear.

People who spank usually say things like "It works for me, all families and kids are different, what works for one child won't work for all children.. some kids need to be spanked" etc. etc. etc.
It's all flawed. Children do not "need" physical punishment anymore than babies "need" to cry.

There are cultures all over the world where spanking is unheard of, there are families all over the country, mine and yours who are raising their children without the use of force.

They come from all walks of life, rich and poor, rural and urban, educated and ignorant, religious and atheist. The point being that spanking is unnecessary for all children.

I don't equate the odd smack on a padded rear end with abuse, nor do I think parents who spank do so with the intent of damaging their children.
I think for the most part it comes down to choice and how you were brought up.

But just because it has been done forever within your family does not make it right nor does it make it the most effective method of discipline.
There are always other ways.

Btw, all of my children are homeschooled, they are respectful, articulate, intelligent members of our community. They do volunteer work, they help their neighbours, they are contributing members of society and they abhor violence in all it's forms.

They are being raised to use non violent intervention when necessary and to use their intelligence rather than their body to effect change.

Weird how some "kids" can use their brains better than some adults when it comes to resolving problems or correcting behaviours.
Sorry if I offended you with my profanity, however when mature adults resort to using physical force to punish a child it offends my sensibilities. So yea, I think it's fucked up.

Tara - posted on 12/12/2011

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Can I ask all of you pro-spanking/corporal punishment people some questions?

1. Is it okay to hit/smack/pinch/swat/flick etc. an elderly person because they do not listen to you when you tell them not to cross the street until you are with them?

2. Is it okay to hit/smack/pinch/swat/flick etc. a developmentally delayed adult child who has defied his parents and done something he knows he should not have done?

3. Is it okay to smack your co-worker on the ass when they piss you off or disappoint you?

4. Is it okay for people to kick/smack/hit/etc. their dog because it piddles on the floor or barks when you don't want it to?

Is there anywhere in civilized society where the use of any form of physical punishment against other humans and in most cases animals is not prevented by a court of law? Every person and most animals with the exception of children have protection from these acts.

That's fucked up.

Our most innocent, vulnerable citizens are not protected from bodily harm their own sense of bodily integrity is not respected even as much as an animal.

Sad...

As you can likely tell, I do not support nor believe that children need physical discipline of any sort at any time.

I have 6 kids 2, 6, 9, 11, 15 and 18.

They're respectful, trustworthy and intelligent people. It can be done. It's easy, you just don't do it. There are other ways, always.

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Atty - posted on 12/13/2011

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Crystal, as I posted on Page 6 of all of this, the Bible does NOT say spare the rod and spoil the child. That is a line from a 17th century poem. The closest verse is Proverbs 13:24, He who spares the rod hates his son but he who loves his son corrects him.
The thing is, the rod is not a stick with which to beat a child, it is the rod/staff of a shepherd.
The shepherd guides his sheep not by striking them, but with a tap when they begin to stray. The point is to keep the sheep moving in the correct direction. The second part of the verse is key, he who loves his son corrects him. It doesn't say beats him with a belt, or even strikes him. Striking children was just not done in Biblical times. Many think it was but if you actually research it you will find that beating the children was part of what separated the nation of Israel from the pagans. That was thought of as a pagan practice and barbaric. Children do need correction, but nowhere in the Bible does it say you should spank your child.
I understand why so many people think the Bible does say to strike your child but please look at the original texts, not the poorly translated versions in English.

You state that you are religious and believe in the Bible. That is wonderful, but lets not forget that in the Bible God parented with love and mercy first. When sin entered into the world, Adam and Eve (God's first children) were banished from paradise. That is one massive time out.


I'm not telling you or anyone else how to parent, but the idea that a line from a poem (Hudibras) is a Biblical concept is my base point.

Jodi - posted on 12/12/2011

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Annie, yes, I think it is a US thing. Not sure about Canada? I'd never heard it called that either until CoM - I am in Australia. We pop the same as you :P Pop off to the shops, pop outside for a bit, pop a kid down on the floor while I go for a pee, that sort of stuff.

Cheryl - posted on 12/12/2011

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hey Amy, I know it will be difficult but you might want to devote some real time to this one specific problem. Like take some time to sit with her on the couch and physically, gently ask her to sit down or get off every time she jumps. After a few days, hopefully you could just use this phrase and it will work. You have to give no attention to this behavior, maybe no eye contact no facial expression and don't get upset and use a even tone. I know it will be hard, we are all busy and hate to put life on hold for what seems like a small problem but if it's causing you and your family so many problems it might be worth the time. My personal opinion about making a child look at you in the eyes to apoligize sometimes turns into a power struggle and feels like bullying and hasn't seemed to be right for us, especially in my 3 yr old, perhaps when she is older. My little one would get way too close to the TV, which i realize it is easy to turn it off and ask her to back up every time she gets too close, but I also took a few days to sit near by when the TV was on and gently eased her back while saying beep beep back it up, and it worked great!
good luck

Annie - posted on 12/12/2011

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Popping is hitting? I never heard that before. I thought its a sweet 'nothing' way of doing something. So I pop to the shops and pop the milk in the fridge and pop my boy down on the bed to change his nappy. Gosh you've got to be careful with language sometimes. Is popping to mean hitting in USA as I'm UK?

Cheryl - posted on 12/12/2011

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I feel very lucky to have a nice 3 yr old who seems rarely to need true discipline, I do believe that this steams from the fact that as a family we rarely raise our voices, have never hit/spanked and don't believe in 'time outs', or any bullying of this kind. She does have typical Temper tantrums when things don't go her way and we take time in her room together until she is calm and either she or I can vocalize what the problem is. Every instance is different and she certinaly has her moments and I have definately lost my temper. I always know when i've lost control of a situation or when I've lost my temper and I try to take a moment to think about what I should do before i just act. She does respect us and dosen't get away with anything, yet we would never hit or bully her, we simply find other means.

Jodi - posted on 12/12/2011

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What is *popping a child down*? I'm confused about the down bit. I know popping is hitting.



Edited to Add: The penny just dropped, do you mean PUTTING as child down? In many countries popping is hitting. But I know what you mean, you are interpreting the term "popping" as something else :) Eg. Pop (put) the stick down on the ground.

Jodi - posted on 12/12/2011

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"if that were me as a kid,my face would be plastered on the wall from being smacked!"

Um, yeah, I'm pretty sure "plastering" a kid's face on the wall from being smacked is abuse ..... but who knows, I could be wrong.... :\

Annie - posted on 12/12/2011

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Btw some people say in their posts about popping a child somewhere as though its bad. What's wrong with popping a child down?

Lise - posted on 12/12/2011

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Crystal:

Do you also believe in killing someone for not honoring their parents? That's in the bible, too...

Amy - posted on 12/12/2011

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I will try those suggestions. Thanks! Love and Logic was recommended to me very recently, too, just in the course of conversation. But I hadn't looked into it yet.

My daughter is an only child, and seems to want a good deal of attention. Maybe that's part of the problem.

Thanks everyone!

Johnny - posted on 12/12/2011

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1. No where in the bible does it actually say, "spare the rod spoil the child". That has been pointed out a couple times in this thread already. That line is from an 18th century poem ironically entitled Hubris.

2. Could just one person who is asserting that children who are not recipients of corporal punishment are more prone to criminal behaviour or delinquency than kids who are not?

3. Why is it that people think that spanking a child will have some sort of greater impact on their future behavior than other forms of discipline. Because you remember your childhood spankings more than the other discipline? Are you sure it had a greater impact on your actual actions than other techniques? A 2 year old is really going to hold onto the lessons learned from being smacked on the butt than they are from logical consequences or a time out? How certain of that are you all?

Lilian - posted on 12/12/2011

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Hi Tootie, it all depends in which area,be calm as you try to explain the results of doing the wrongs. the baby will understand and change... shouting at them worsens

Crystal - posted on 12/12/2011

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the bible states spare the rod and spoil the child.....im a religious person. i believe the bible. we will spank our child. i think thats why kids are so crazy now adays. there is no religion let alone punishments taht matter. i commend parents that discipline regardless of how they do it....the important thing is that in this day and age the kids are running households. its sad. in the days of actual punishments that were effective we didnt hear of kids going to school with guns, kids bullying and then killing, etc. times are getting horrible and you must ask ourselves why. i got spanked. i needed it. i think it depends on the kid too. but when i see parents "dont talk to lil johnny bc hes mad. if he hits you just ignore him" ~ i scratch my head and think "if that were me as a kid,my face would be plastered on the wall from being smacked!"

remember your job is to be a parent not a friend.

Lise - posted on 12/12/2011

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@ Ashli -
As a matter of fact, yes, I was spanked as a child. I was also hit with a wooden spoon. It did not teach me not to engage in the behavior - it taught me to be sneaky, and not to get caught. Many childhood memories are of me being secretive (even over things that, looking back on it, are SO SILLY) so as to avoid punishment. This is part of what I want to avoid with my daughter, and is part of a downside of punishment (not spanking in particular - it's just a side effect of punishment in general).

Ashli - posted on 12/12/2011

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Omg really !? Spanking is bad b serious not saying HARD! Just called a spanken ! Did u never get spanked or how about a wooden spoon lol waft ekes did parents born in the 50s do !?

Stephanie - posted on 12/12/2011

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Mary Newberry, exactly! I agree with you 100%!!!! May I add, the original question was how do you maintain order???? I don't think anyone posted anything asking people to debate whether spanking is right or wrong. Different children react to different discipline. Some kids are hardheaded, some are not. BUT a daily schedule helps a lot, bc they know whats going to go on and they are interacting with everyone at the same time. I love my schedule and time with my four kids. I don't have to discipline hardly at all anymore. They learned a long time ago. Ages are 6, 3, 2, and 4 months

Lori - posted on 12/12/2011

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I cant stand moms that judge other moms. Do what works for you and your child

Tarysha - posted on 12/12/2011

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Check out Love & Logic - we have a blended family and have found that choices are the best thing you can offer your child. They choose to clean their room or have you clean it for them. They choose to eat their dinner or go without until the morning. Even the youngest are able to handle this (L&L classic: Do you want white milk or chocolate? When they say white and then ask for chocolate later, you tell them you're sorry, they chose white this time, but next time they can have chocolate). Just a thought - it works in our house with a pre-teen girl and a close to pre-teen girl.

Kristal - posted on 12/12/2011

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I have three children ages 12, 9, and 4. All of which I have spanked. My spanks are not out of anger and we talk about it before and after. I ask them if they understand why they got spanked. We always try talking about it first and if the behavior dosent stop then we will resort to a spanking. My 12 year old dosent get spankings anymore because he is now old enough and has enough stuff that is very impportant to him that taking away of privilages is punishment enough. My 9 year old has only gotten spanked once because when I talk and/or give the time outs it works. The 4 year old gets spanked usually because talking to him dosent work neither do time outs. If I put my hand by his butt and say do u want a spanking he stops his behavior immediatley. I have spanked all my kids as toddlers starting at age 2 or 2 1/2 I have also used time outs 1 min for each year of life. Once again when those dont work or taking away a toy becuase they continue throwing toys at that age even after you take one away then yes I will give a little swat on the butt. As you can see each child is diffrent they all know the course of punishment and each one is diffrent on how far it has to go to get the point acrossed. Their is a line between spanking and beating ur kids. I have never left a mark or spanked uncontrollably.or never in any body part but the butt. Ever home is diffrent not saying my way is good or bad the older the kids the easier to use positive discipline I think.

Mary - posted on 12/12/2011

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Lot's of PATIENCE! Discipline can be given without spanking. Especially for kids so young. It only teaches them that violence (hitting someone) is okay and it's not. We need to keep our hands to ourselves. If time outs are not working then they are not being done properly. Also, keeping the kids busy, so they are not bored. On a daily schedule helps too. Good Luck!

Atty - posted on 12/12/2011

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Amy, that sounds like attention seeking behavior to me. You will have to decide what method works for you and stick to it, but I have found with my older kids that the kryptonite to their attention seeking behavior is to completely ignore them when they are engaging in that behavior. Now, I tell them first that I don't like it and that I need them to stop, but after that if it happens again I look them dead in the eye and tell them I will not play with children who do that. Then I turn my back and completely ignore their very presence. I think (based on their reactions) that this is much more effective than physical punishment. Also as they got older we did a variation of stand in the corner. I take a pencil and draw a dot level with their eyebrow and they have to stand with their nose touching the dot. that takes their heels about an inch off the ground and a 5 minute time out turns into a workout. If the nose comes off the dot, we start over. I had one day where my eldest spent 2 1/2 hours in time out because he would turn around to argue and we would start over. Then there have been times with time out where I have had to hold them there so they didn't walk away. Yes it put mommy in time out too, but once you reach the point that they surrender, you don't have to do it again.
Another effective method of discipline is confiscation of a favorite toy or suspension of a enjoyable activity.
My best advice to you dear, is pick a method and be consistent with it, and above all else, do not stop until the child yields to you.

And to everyone else, As I have been reading the posts they have gotten ruder and ruder. If we speak this way to one another is it any wonder that our children are having discipline problems? We must parent by example so please, I know this is a hot button topic but lets refrain from profanity and bashing one another. By all means share your views and concerns but we are adults and mothers, we can do that respectfully. Thank you.

Krista - posted on 12/12/2011

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Hm...that's a tough situation, Amy. I wonder, instead of using the stick, maybe you should try using a bit of psychology.

You could have her "overhear" you saying to someone else, "I REALLY like it when [name] acts like a big girl and doesn't jump on the couch. It makes me happy like a puppy!"

Don't look at her or let on that you know she's listening. You'll feel silly, but it's human nature to believe compliments we overhear, rather than ones that are directed towards us.

As well, is there a way to perhaps re-direct her jumping? Perhaps an old couch cushion on the floor? Or a no-springs mini-trampoline made for preschoolers?

I know some people would frown at my suggestions, because they're not "punishment".

But the question is this: do you want to punish her, or do you just want to change the behaviour?

I would also recommend looking into "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. It has some great ways to encourage good behaviour and discourage negative behaviour. All too often, parents only focus on punishing negative behaviour. But if you keep encouraging positive behaviour, and reward that behaviour with your attention, it can make a world of difference.

Amy - posted on 12/12/2011

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Sorry for the long post!



Good heavens, what a conversation! My mother spanked us occasionally -- only when absolutely necessary, never on bare skin and generally it was meant to scare us into behaving. Most of the time, our punishments were grounding or removal of privileges, though. I turned out to be a happy, well-adjusted woman who realizes there are levels to discipline depending on the degree of the offense. My mother taught me that...and she was whipped with a BELT. I was a difficult child because I'd get used to one punishment (spanking), and she'd have to try something else because she didn't want to go off and really beat me. Then I'd get grounded for a while. When I got to where I didn't care about that, she started taking away privileges. By then I was maturing and grown up and no need for punishment.



I can tell you, though, that a "talking-to" wouldn't have done a bit of good with me. Sometimes it might have, like when I was acting out because I was afraid of the new school, but most of the time, I was just testing my limits and trying to get away with not getting grounded or losing privileges. My mother tried many times to lecture or talk it over with me, and I didn't give a hill of beans. I'd wait for her to finish and then I'd go back to whatever else I was really wanted to do. If she tried a real one-on-one talk, I'd tell her what she wanted to hear. It's awful to say I did that, but the whole talking-to discipline didn't work at all for me. I can't say a whipping would have worked either, except to scare me.



Still, I didn't sit around disrespecting my parents. For the most part, I did my chores, I didn't badmouth her, I didn't sass her, and never, ever did I tell her to "shut up". (Except once. I never did it again.) I still, to this day, can't even say so much as a mild curse word around my parents. Why? Because I love them and respect them and if they hadn't spanked, grounded, and took away privileges for me, I wouldn't have cared. Would I have turned out ok without any spankings? Maybe.



But now I have a 2.5 year old. She's turning out like me. Difficult. Since she's young, we haven't felt the need to spank, so we started time-outs at 18 months. That works from time to time, but now she has become a master at re-direction. Put her in time-out for jumping on the couch, she cries all through her 2 minutes, then as soon as you go get her, she gives you a hug and runs away. You try to tell her to look at you so you can explain to her why she was in time out (the whole Supernanny method), and she just interrupts and talks about anything and everything else to get you to stop talking. 5 or 10 minutes later, she's on the couch jumping again. Put her in time out again. Just to see how far it'd go, I've put her in time out some 8 times in a single afternoon for jumping on the couch. She is unmoved. She may not go right back to jumping, but give her half an hour and turn your back and there she goes again.



Although I have not yet tried spanking, in light of this conversation, I now I have to ask...if swatting is so terrible horrible evil, what exactly can be my next move here? She isn't too young to listen, but she simply WON'T listen. She talks over me. Should I clamp my hand over her mouth and yell at her so that she'll "listen"? (Of course not.) If talking doesn't work and time-outs aren't working...and I can't spank...??? What is my next choice? Give in and let her keep jumping on the couch? (Of course not.) But it is a real question, that I bet I'm not the only one posing to themselves right now.



Just using this real factoid from my every day life to show that time-outs and talking-tos simply don't get through to every child. My daughter is still young. This might just be a terrible two thing and in a year she'll be much more responsive to time out. But for now, all I have is a little child who is blatantly disobeying and my discipline is not working.



Any advice??

Jamela - posted on 12/12/2011

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Children are very intelligent.. As wise as women are at watching patterns , children do the same thing . If you say, NO . It shouldn't turn into maybe or I'll give it to him or her later. Stand your ground and understand that ur not hurting the child, your teach the child to understand your values or lessons. Girl I know it's hard! :)

Stephanie - posted on 12/12/2011

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I have a two year old who is very intelligent communication wise and I will spank him if I've told him more then 3 times and if he's doing something that will hurt him like touching the stove or pulling on the tv. I don't have to spank him a lot sometimes ill just say to him "do you want a spankin?" And he will say no and stop immediatly whatever he was doing. But I love on him all the time so he's not really a bad baby. I think its because he gets the attention he needs. He's super lovey duvey

Charlie - posted on 12/12/2011

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interesting, when a husband hits his wife because she disobeyed its assault/abuse but when its a child much smaller than you everyone should mind their own buisness.

And what if every husband told others to just mind their own buisness what he does with his wife is his choice.....same goes for children , what a : hypocritical society.

Tara - posted on 12/12/2011

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Oh by the way.... if you google these words:
Spanking and aggression in toddlers.
The entire first page is full of articles and studies which show an increase in not only toddler aggression but also aggression later in life and a decreased ability to make rational logical decisions.
Then google these words:
Not spanking and delinquency in children.
Interesting because that page has a lot of sites that insist there is no link between the two. And the sites that do support this theory are religious sites. Hmmmm.... I see a pattern.

Johnny - posted on 12/12/2011

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For many of us on this site, hitting a child with any implement is very illegal where we live. For many others, striking a child in anyway, even a "spanking" is illegal as well. Many countries have experienced a great deal of success after banning corporal punishment. Crime rates in countries without corporal punishment are lower, as are crime rates in places with stricter laws governning which corporal punishment is allowed. There is little evidence, aside from anecdotal assumptions, to back up the idea that not spanking leads to less well disciplined people. You may choose to feel judged on your parenting, or you could choose to exit your small parochial worldview and learn about how other people find success with their kids. You might grow, you might learn something new.... who knows, you might even like how it feels to run your family without violence. I've known a few women just here on COM who have made this change and been very pleasantly surprised by the results.

Jodi - posted on 12/12/2011

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Katrina, just for your information, in case you missed it.....I am just as entitled to my opinion as anyone else. Not sure why MY opinion in particular got you so upset - plenty of others here are of the same opinion that you should not and do not need to spank your children.



But hey, as if the opinion of someone who actually COMMENDS someone else for taking a belt to a child really matters to me anyway. Next time you do something wrong, perhaps you should think twice in case your husband takes a belt to you.

Sherri - posted on 12/12/2011

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Who denied that Kate? Of course a spanking is hitting your child, not sure that anyone would deny that.

Katrina - posted on 12/12/2011

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JODI, step back, get off your high horse and stop with your holier than though crap.
I would LOVE to see the 2 households side by side and compare - STOP JUDGEING !!!!!

Kate CP - posted on 12/12/2011

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Why can't people realize that when you spank a child you are hitting them? Why is this a hard concept to grasp?

Katrina - posted on 12/12/2011

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LOL ..... Tootie I hope you are having a good time with this .... I see/read nothing wrong with what you have said or how you run your household, ACTUALLY, I COMMEND YOU !!!! opinions are opinions .....
I just laugh as I continue to read .... WOW

Charlie - posted on 12/12/2011

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If you hit small children, you are not "fine" or "respectful" respect , dignity and bodily integrity basic human rights, yes SHOCK / HORROR children are human too !

There are so many ways to discipline ( to lead ) that do not involve crossing that line.

And unless you spank everyone children and adults ( and I would hope not) that does wrong by you there is nothing "fair " about it.

Katrina - posted on 12/12/2011

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WOW sooo amny opinions are givin' here and honestly it's all about what works for each individual family/child.
I totally agree with Tootie !!!!
By LAW you are not allowed to BEAT your child/leaving makes and neglecting them. You ARE ALLOWED to spank, smack, pinch, flick ETC.
In our household we give free allowences and in return we dock them money for thier in proper behavior. We also do push ups and take things away from them.
We have two 7year olds, 10 year old and a 14 year old.
Children LIKE disiplining - I don't care what anyone says, they like it just like they like the love.
but again ... it's all about what works for a family - not the outside world.
People these days need to learn to mind thier own business unless they see/know of a child being abuse (ha - that's a joke - very rare that anyone gets involved then).

I have been in stores and have had people talk to me about my disiplining of my children and it just gets my goat. Like I have told them - call the police - "they are my children and I'm not harming them. Either you have had children and screwed them all up or you have not had children and have no clue but call the police if you so desire to". I find that if I DO or DON'T disipline my child its making someones shopping/living experience unhappy.

Annie - posted on 12/12/2011

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I have 3 methods. Dangerous (eg.running across road) immediate spank. Bad behaviour (eg.backchat)countdown from 5 to 1 and if nec time out. Our son won't sit still in traditional time out (3yrs) so he goes over my lap as though for old fashioned spank but he is held firmly and gently for 1 minute NOT spanked. This is MOST effective! He hates to be 'trapped'! Lots of explanation as well. Minor things (not eating) privilege removal (tv turned off for eg). Good luck y'all.

Anne - posted on 12/12/2011

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Sounds like Anita should have her mouth washed out with soap! Call it abuse or whatever, but if my child grew up talking like you, I would be dissappointed. I sure hope your children don't follow your example, it sure doesn't sound intelligent!

Denielle - posted on 12/12/2011

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Well...I have 4 children 17,13,9 and 2, I never used a belt,spanked,or pinched them...they are very respectful well behaved sweet children!!! Other parents are always coplimenting me on how sweet and helpful my kids are...and guess what? I never had to hurt them to be this way!! Kids look up to thier parents and most of the time want to be like them, so if you feel you have to spank or hit your helpless children with a belt to be respectful when they are older ...think again!!!

Lorrie - posted on 12/12/2011

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I have rules of the house posted on the refrigerator if my boys break any of those rules they lose something we also do time out it works very well for us I also have positive reward system everytime someone does something nice cotton ball goes in a container when it's all filled up the boys get to pick where they want to go over the weekend:)

Anne - posted on 12/12/2011

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With fairness and consistency. I raised 3 daughters on my own and they all have grown into responsible, respectful and contributing members of society. We didn't have "rules" in our house; my thought was as long as you were responsible and respectful they was no need for "rules". Each child is different and has to be treated according to their personality, age and family values; they need to feel love, appreciated and valued. I rarely had to spank them, however, when it was neccessary, I didn't hesitate. Safety was a priority, whether it was for them or it involved someone else. Last but definately not least, I spent time with my girls and I always enjoyed the time and activites we did together. We were very poor but our economic situation didn't interfere with the love we have for each other. Sometimes I think it opened the doors for many opportunities and blessings!

Kim - posted on 12/12/2011

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I have raised 4 awesome kids! We used different types of discipline depending on personality. They all got spankings or whoopping from Toddler and some thought elementary school. Most of them (except one) by 3 or 4th grade responding to other forms of discipline. But the bigger picture is that we took discipline to mean MORE than punative. We had certain things that were automatic punative 1) Lying 2) Stealing 3) Obvious direct disobedience. There was never ever any toleration for those. All other issues, we worked with them in using common sense behavior modifications......example: you left you clothes on the floor in the bathroom....they get put in a basket and you don't get them back (for a long time) to many times they go in the trash......

You don't do your chores as scheduled......you gave up weekend activities.......we tried to keep the correction related to the issue. We did not yell at our kids (to me that is abusive behavior). We had a very happy house and all of our kids are happy and great adults!!

Donna - posted on 12/12/2011

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I don't spank my child out of personal choice. I'm not comfortable with that approach but I don't think it's wrong to spank as long as no one gets carried away with the spankings and maintains a level head. So I'm not going to judge.

Jodi - posted on 12/12/2011

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Here we go again. The "no spanking = no discipline" mob. I fail to understand why people think that a child who is not spanked receives no discipline at all. It makes me wonder if spanking is the ONLY way you discipline your children. No? You use other methods too? Well, holy shit, THAT is called discipline. We do it too. The ONLY difference between you and me is I don't hit my kids :D



Oh, that and the fact that my kids are older than yours, so I am probably in a better position to determine if they are unruly teenagers or not because I don't hit them.

Maranda - posted on 12/12/2011

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I got my @$$ "beat, whooped, spanked" whatever you may call it when I was a child. I am 24 and I turned out just fine. The kids these days whom do not receive in my opinion proper discipline. Reward them for the good they do is a great idea but not doing a thing for them when they are wrong. Take co troll of your children who ever it may be and there is a very large difference in spanking/disciplining and beating your child. I discipline my 3 year old to how I see fit. And I believe that every parent should do the same. But when children turn into spoiled braty teenagers because they was never disciplined as a child, you have no one to blame but yourself.

Jenni - posted on 12/12/2011

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I also find it interesting that the countries where spanking is illegal have relatively low crime rates compared to a country (namely the USA), where people are still allowed to hit their kids with implements in some states, have much higher rates of crime as well as higher rates of teen pregnancy.



Geesh, look at Sweden and most of Northern Europe. No spanky, spanky for 60 years. And wow, no school shootings, and very, very low crime rates.

Jenni - posted on 12/12/2011

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You know... there is a big a difference between listening to someone out of *respect* for them because you trust them, and listening to someone because you *fear* what they will do to you, if you don't obey them.

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