How do you feel about the age of consent?

Amanda - posted on 07/08/2016 ( 34 moms have responded )

24

0

8

The age of consent is the legal age in which the law deems a girl capable of consenting to any sexual acts (I'm sure everyone knows that.) It usually ranges from 16 to 18 years old. What do you think a reasonable age would be? I think 16 is fine because that's when a girls body is fully developed and she's able to understand what sex means in every way. I know it's hard to accept your little girl growing up and being sexually active, but it's a natural part of life. I just want to know how other moms feel about this.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sarah - posted on 07/09/2016

8,728

0

21

I win! I am 46, 4 kids and married for 23 years! What's the prize?
Oh yeah, consensual sex. I have four virgins under my wings; my eldest nearing 20 and just starting to date a young lady seriously may decide to proceed but she is 18 and he is only home from school for a month.
I see teens, pre-teens even every day. Not a day goes by (unless I am in the elementary school) that I do not perform a pregnancy test or answer questions about STDs or pregnancy. I work in a public school system, so I am not allowed to bring my faith into the discussions. I do ask these girls (90% of the time no boy is around to share the info) who they talk to about sex at home. I get a lot of shrugs, a lot of 'I dunno', and a lot of 'my friends'. Our sex ed in my state is terrible. The kids get a birds and bees lesson in 5th grade and then sexual reproduction is covered in biology. Birth control in covered in health class in 10th grade! I have kids having sex way sooner then 10th grade for sure. I have never had a pregnant student tell me that she chose to have sex because she was in a committed relationship, was in love, had weighed her options, discussed it with her partner and then mutually agreed to have intercourse. Most often I hear reasons like; "I had too or he was gonna break up with me, I thought it would make him love me, I wanted to see what it felt like, all my friends are doing it..."
I have no idea what the age of consent plays into the issue of teen sexuality, pregnancy and disease but if we as a community don't start building our kids up and teaching them they are worth more than the five minutes of pleasure with a partner; things will get worse before they get better.

Ev - posted on 07/10/2016

7,227

7

909

Dove--I have had my moments when I was very, very blunt. And then I got told those posts are so good.....go figure. I am a softy for the most part but after my ex and everything that went on there I did grow a bit more backbone.

As for the blunt or rude answers--they happen everywhere. It is the fact that most of us have had a lot of experiences in our lives already, have seen enough of the same sorts of posts here, or know of people that had been in these situations. I have learned a lot here blunt or not from others.

Dove - posted on 07/10/2016

11,620

0

1348

It is a fact of life that you have zero ability to control any other person on the planet except yourself. It's a concept I start teaching my children by/before the time they are 3. ALL you have the power to control is your reaction to another person. Period. 'Calling someone out' online... actually just adds fuel to the fire.

I am blunt. I have been called rude on here many, many, many times. I do not care. I am here for two reasons... to offer help when I can (and yes, oftentimes that comes across as blunt or rude anyway) and for entertainment amongst all the trolls and the people that post things JUST for the sake of posting them (like the OP in this particular post). I have a particular posting style because I generally have a low tolerance for a lot of things, but I also have a good heart deep in here somewhere... lol

You don't have to 'care' about the regulars. That's totally fine. The only reason I pointed out that Shawnn has been here for a long time is because she knows exactly what this board is for... as do all of the regulars... because we've been here through all kinds of madness. You are very welcome to stay on this board and post whatever you want, wherever you want to post it, but if you think anything you say will change what another person chooses to say... you are in for a world of disappointment.

Jodi - posted on 07/10/2016

3,518

36

3906

Sofia, I have backed off on this until now....and now I am going to comment to you.

1. Some members of this board are more blunt than others....and that is okay. That doesn't mean they have no respect or that they are being mean. This is an international forum and therefore, we all have different methods of communicating. As pointed out by Dove, if you don't like it, ignore it. Or you can debate it respectfully, but you don't need to make it personal.

2. The "poster" you are addressing, if you mean the OP, has deliberately posted this topic for debate. She hasn't posted this for advice....but for debate. If some people are blunt in a debate, that's pretty normal. So in your "answer to the poster" you have responded to a debate. Maybe you didn't really understand that? But if you respond to a "debate" you suddenly become part of that, and people are going to question your response....because that is what a debate is.

Disclaimer: I am not saying this to be mean, just letting you know where we are coming from.....and pointing out that this poster is not actually asking for advice.

Sarah - posted on 07/09/2016

8,728

0

21

Thanks for the nice comment Sofia.
One thing I have learned since I joined is everyone has different style to their posts. When you read a post, you cannot pickup facial cues or body language. Sometimes even a comma in the wrong place can change the way someone reads a text. In Shawnn's defense (even though she does not need it, she speaks the truth and straight away; she calls it like she sees it. I appreciate that in her. I know if I post a question, I will get a truthful (maybe blunt) answer from her. I have learned a tremendous amount from the regulars here and I take a lot of that into work with me and I am a better nurse for it. I also look at my kids differently. I was a real helicopter when they were little and reading success stories about other mothers has helped loosen my white knuckled grip on my kids.
When I read a post that makes my blood boil; I try to wait a bit, think a bit. That's my style. Neither right nor wrong. Maybe because I deal with kids all day and their parents I have had to work on my diplomacy.
Sofia, I hope you stick around because you have a lot of good things to share thus far!

34 Comments

View replies by

Dove - posted on 07/10/2016

11,620

0

1348

Yeah... you're much nicer than I am. I think I've let my real life turn me into an online jerk... at least when it comes to 'anonymous' people, but being on here is one of the few things that keeps me 'sane', so.... what are you gonna do? lol

Ev - posted on 07/10/2016

7,227

7

909

Sofia--i am at times blunt but most times I am not. MOst of the posts that I answer I tend to be the one that is softer but still able to get the point across.

Sofia - posted on 07/10/2016

156

0

0

Sarah e. Dove and the 'regulars'
I don't care about the 'regulars'. I don't give a damn about who you are. I'm answering the poster. And sometimes you guys are cold and rude. It's not your forum, it's not about you guys. It's about the people who are seeking advise. Don't forget that.

Dove - posted on 07/09/2016

11,620

0

1348

Sofia... Shawnn has been posting here for years. She isn't hostile and she has just as much of a right to post whatever she wants as you do. How about if you don't like it you ignore it?

Sofia - posted on 07/09/2016

156

0

0

I was raped at 15 and got pregnant. Aborted. After that I continued to have sex. A lot. A female body is of course capable of having sex at 16 but if there's one piece of advice I can impart is that I spent way too much time with boys, having sex and really wasting my time. I went to university and became a professional but I should have put that energy into myself---whether that was making more money, having real cool adventurers...but it was wasted on--sex. And somewhere along the way---when I was a teen, I lost respect for myself. I have changed, I'm 45 but having sex and chasing it really hurt me---I could have been the President with all the energy I wasted

Sofia - posted on 07/09/2016

156

0

0

Shawn Lively,
Can you please tone down your hostility. Leave the board if you don't like nor understand a question. Your response is gratuitous and irrelevant.

Chasity - posted on 07/09/2016

77

0

6

Age of consent doesn't stop kids from having sex. If they want to do it, they will.
The age of consent is 16 where I live, and I'm perfectly fine with that. Teenagers have sexual desires and want pleasure just like adults in their 20s and 30s do. It's perfectly normal.

Ev - posted on 07/09/2016

7,227

7

909

Amanda--a girl of 16's body is not fully developed as yet. Yes, she can have sex and even have a baby but the consequences of those things an actually cause some other issues as she completes development. Having a baby as a teen can cause a lot of high risk problems. I know this as fact because I had a classmate who was 16 and pregnant in one of my classes. It was child development and the teacher took advantage of that to also include talking about pregancy as a teen and what that would mean for a girl. From this girl's experience alone we all learned those risks and she told us about them herself.

I do not know what your point is but I think all states should have the age of consent 18 or older. That is my opinion.

Also I am a 47 year old mom with two adult kids one 26 and one 19 and both out on their own. My daughter is 26 and has her own family.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/08/2016

13,207

21

2014

LOL 45, still married to my first and only husband with TWO (since we seem to be emphasizing things, as if the NUMBER is that relevant...) adult children, and over 20 years experience in childcare and education, not counting my personal experiences parenting, fostering and mentoring....

And still wondering what the OP's point is here.

Oh, and to add another dimension to the "fully developed" aspect...full mental maturity differs widely among humans...

Dove - posted on 07/08/2016

11,620

0

1348

Oh... and if we are 'competing'... I'm an almost 40 year old mother of 3... 14, 14, and 8... and I've been raising them on my own since the day the 8 year old was born. Can I win? lol I am a high school dropout that doesn't give a rip about biology when it comes to whether or not a person 'should' have sex though... lol

Dove - posted on 07/08/2016

11,620

0

1348

The man I lost my virginity to was the man I married... the marriage only lasted 7.5 years and I've been single now for almost 8.5 years... I've still only ever had sex w/ one man. I am living the example I want to set for my children... and that is how strong MY belief is on the topic.

Of course losing your virginity outside of marriage is not the worst thing in the world and I'm well aware that my kids might not continue to act on these same beliefs. I clearly stated that in my original comment. It IS 'our' (yes, my teens share this belief of their own free will) belief that God designed sex to only be in a marriage and God designed it that way because He wants what is best for us.... but many, many people go against God's plan (even those that believe and agree w/ it) because we are all humans. There is no sin so great that there is no redemption possible and there is no sin so great that God (or their mother) will ever stop loving them. They've been raised knowing that on some level (deeper as they age and understanding grows) since birth. ;)

I, too, am wondering why you posted this... were you looking to validate your own feelings on the topic? Or were you just looking to pick apart others beliefs/opinions? You also seem to be contradicting yourself in every post...

Jodi - posted on 07/08/2016

3,518

36

3906

I must admit, though, I am wondering the same as Shawnn. What IS your point?

Jodi - posted on 07/08/2016

3,518

36

3906

"Your age is irrelevant to me. I'm a 35 year old mother of THREE. Ages 9, 13, and 17.
I also majored in biology in college. I know a fair share about teens and development."

Your age is irrelevant to me too. I was just curious as to why you felt you needed to lecture me, when actually, you clearly didn't read my post (where I very clearly differentiated between puberty and physical/structural development). If you had read my post, and you do have that major in biology, then you would concede to the fact, many females are NOT fully physically developed until later than reproductive maturity. I was simply pointing that out. Maybe YOU needed to be more specific when you discussed fully developed, because there is more than one definition of this. But physical maturity and reproductive maturity are two totally different things, and this is WHY teenage pregnancies are often higher risk than those of women in their 20s....because they don't have the same level of physical maturity.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should. In other words, just because your sexual organs function and you are capable of becoming pregnant, doesn't mean that the physical aspects of your entire body are ready for it.

Your "qualifications" are not that much different to my own, so I don't see the relevance of that either. And really....to highlight the THREE? Your point? Because now you are coming off as obnoxious.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/08/2016

13,207

21

2014

I am losing the entire point of this thread. What IS your point?

Not a one of the responses has indicated that ANY of us ever give our kids the idea that they are not loved and supported, and you've gone off on a very skewed tangent.

Amanda - posted on 07/08/2016

24

0

8

@Shawnn
Yes, most 16 year olds think they know everything pertaining to their parents and their logic. I did as well. No teenager likes to admit that their parents are right or logical. Teens believe that they can outsmart their parents, they're tricky.

Amanda - posted on 07/08/2016

24

0

8

@Jodi
Your age is irrelevant to me. I'm a 35 year old mother of THREE. Ages 9, 13, and 17.
I also majored in biology in college. I know a fair share about teens and development.

Amanda - posted on 07/08/2016

24

0

8

@Dove,
I'm not against waiting until marriage to have sex, in fact it seems healthier to wait because if you lose your virginity to someone you THINK you love, and it doesn't last, you will be emotionally affected by it and you'll probably end up going from relationship to relationship trying to find comfort. (It happens far too often.)

But I don't think losing your virginity outside of marriage is the most awful thing. It's a matter of choice, and in life we ALL have choices (yes, even teens have choices) and sometimes we, as parents disagree with their choices, but we should always, no matter what, let them know that we love them regardless of their poor choices. (:

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/08/2016

13,207

21

2014

I'm sorry, Amanda, but have you associated with ANY teens besides your daughter? EVERY one that I've associated with, INCLUDING the ones I've raised (and myself, at that age) think they know everything by the age of 16.

You did, as well. We ALL do it.

What does that statement have to do with "as parent we are supposed to pass on knowledge..."? I don't see any correlation at all. Yes, it is our job to teach. Teens, being the obstinate people that they can be (again, we ALL went through this phase, and I'm not ashamed to admit it), will at times ignore all of your teaching efforts because "I KNOW Mom"!

Jodi - posted on 07/08/2016

3,518

36

3906

Amanda, I am actually quite aware of when a girl starts puberty. Why do you feel the need to educate a 47 year old woman who works with teenagers, has teenagers and adult children on the facts of puberty? Perhaps you should do a better job of reading my post.

"You don't know every 16 year old to determine that."
Very true, I don't know every 16 year old. I know a fair few though. I know every 16 year old at the school I teach at.

Dove - posted on 07/08/2016

11,620

0

1348

I do not really care what the legal age of consent is... though anything under 16 is disgusting.

In our home we believe that sex outside of marriage regardless of a person's age is inappropriate. And yes, I'm well aware that my teens could still choose to have sex outside of marriage because they ARE humans (and I did... but I was 23 at the time) and humans make mistakes. Currently at 14.5 my girls think the teens they know that date and have sex are idiots though.

Amanda - posted on 07/08/2016

24

0

8

You can't say "every 16 year old thinks that they know everything" because that's putting every 16 year old in a box and generalizing them. You don't know every 16 year old to determine that. I have a teenage daughter. As parents, we are supposed to pass on knowledge and guidance to our kids and let them learn & GROW. Life is about growing and learning, at ANY age.

Amanda - posted on 07/08/2016

24

0

8

@Jodi
A girl starts puberty normally around the ages of 9 to 12 years old. By 16, she is almost done with puberty. Every girl doesn't develop at the same rate. Some girls are lanky and stick figured, while others have full hips, curves, butts as a woman. Just depends on the person and their growth speed.

What I meant by knowing what sex is in every way is that depending on how mature a girl is, they know the consequences of sex, they know about STDs and other diseases, they know about safe sex, they know that a penis penetrates the vagina, they know that it is a very detrimental act that affects you emotionally as well as physically, they know that sex is a commitment and shouldn't be taken lightly, and it should be with someone you really love and trust. If a girl knows all of this, then she is capable of making the decision.

Jodi - posted on 07/08/2016

3,518

36

3906

To be honest, I don't think a 16 year old really does know what sex means in every way. Sure, she knows what is involved in the physical act, and also understand what the consequences may be, but she really doesn't understand what it means "in every way". She might think she does, because every 16 year old thinks they know everything, but she really doesn't.

I will also correct you on your statement that at 16, a girl's body is fully developed. It's not. A girl is not fully physically mature (this includes skeletally) until around the age of 20. Reproductively, she may be mature, but her actual development continues beyond that.

]I have no problem with 16 being the age of consent. That's what it is where I live. But I do think teens need to be sensible about it and make sure they do everything to prevent pregnancy. It is WAY too young to be having babies.

Nadine - posted on 07/08/2016

148

17

3

Actually the age of consent is for male and female, not just female. It is necessary in my opinion, to stop adults from taking advantage of children. Where I am it is 16, which is fine. I think it is better at 18, and statutory rape NOT being charge unless there is 3 years between the minor and adult, but hey, no one asked me when they were making the law. Personally I think an adult should not be having sex with children, whether legal or not.

Sarah - posted on 07/08/2016

8,728

0

21

The age of consent really only applies to an adult having sex with a minor. Two kids 15 or younger, can and do have sex all the time. When is it ok to have sex? I'd hope for my kids that when they choose to have that type of relationship, it is because they are in love, feel cherished and feel mutually prepared to take that step with a loving trusted partner.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms