How do you get over your fear that you're going to die during child birth?

Jilian - posted on 02/13/2009 ( 23 moms have responded )

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I am very scared that I will die during Child Birth...what do I do?

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Christinarchavez - posted on 02/14/2009

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I was EXACTLY the same way. I was soooo scared that I was going to die and leave my little one here with his daddy and I would not ever get to meet the him! I had a completely healthy pregnancy, but in my head, I had it all pictured...I just knew that I would live just long enough to push the baby out...the doctor would hold him up and I would get a quick look at him before passing out. I just knew that's the way it was going to happen.

I never told anyone about being scared. I was too ashamed because the rational side of my brain was telling me there was nothing to be scared of, but the hormones took over and I went through my entire pregnancy dealing with this all by myself. I just knew if I told anyone, they would just laugh at me and tell me there was nothing to be scared of. To be honest, I don't think there is anything anyone can say to make you feel any better. (at least there wasn't for me...) I don't care how many statistics you try to come to me with, how advanced medical science is now, or how much you pray...I was utterly convinced that I was going to die.

Nothing really completely got rid of my fear...but what helped me calm down a little bit was to be completely prepared for anything and everything. I took childbirth classes and asked LOTS of questions. When we got to the hospital I made the nurses tell me EXACTLY what was going on with each of the those machines. What does it mean when that line goes up? Why is that beeping? etc. I would recommend telling your nurses of your fear, or if you are not comfortable doing so...(as I was not...) have your husband or friend tell them. I think that may have made things a little easier for me...and may have brought my blood pressure down. The more anxiety you have, the more that fear is going to eat at you...and that's not good for you or baby.

If you do decide to tell your nurses or your doctor, make sure that they know that this is a true fear...not that your just scared to have a baby...but that you are truley scared that you are not going to make it. They deal with pregnant women all the time, and you are not the first person to have this fear...nor will you be the last. Please talk to someone about it. You can email me personally if you would like to. I know what it's like. I went through 9 months of believing that I was going to die. That's not fun for anyone. Don't let anyone tell you that you are being irrational. You're not.



Good luck hon!

Krystal - posted on 11/02/2013

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Ill be having my third c section in 4 weeks an im terrified. No one seeems to get it but this fear is so real to me. :((

Kelly - posted on 02/14/2009

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I would talk to your doctor about this fear!Your doctor can calm yor fears! With my first I was very scared of death during child birth. Now days it still happens but very rarely. Just keep thinking about your little one and how you cant wait to see him/her and focus on the positive and try not to worry!

[deleted account]

Honey, you just have to remember that we don't live in the ealry 1900's. Things like that just don't happen anymore. Try to concentrate on the joy of giving birth! Your live will completely change once your little one arrives. It is one of the best moments of my life! The love you feel for your child when he/she is born, is like any other! So, try to put that in your mind when you start to feel scared. We are all faced with uncertainties. If you have a certain "fear" talk to your doctor about it. He/She should be able to reassure you that everything will be just fine. I hope this helps.

Lisa - posted on 02/14/2009

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You wont die, I thought the same thing and kept saying it during the actual labor pains, but once you start pushing and get into the whole mode of birth, you just can't wait to see that baby. Not sure of your age, but I was 41 and had my first, healthy, happy little girl. So God Bless and stay POSITIVE!!!

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Brenda - posted on 02/14/2009

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Be positive.  I'm due in May with my second, and that fear still wells at the back of my mind.  I think we all think about it now and then.  Try to remember, most of the complications that used to cause death in childbirth can be taken care of in the hospital by the doctors.  There are very, very, very rare conditions these days that cannot be taken care of.  With my first I had pre eclampsia, and also at the time I had gall bladder problems.  However, I think going under general anestesia to have my gall bladder removed afterward was even scarier for me.



Try to focus on the good points, and do some research and keep yourself informed.  Ask your doctor if you have a good shot of having a smooth, normal delivery, and I'm sure that he or she will help dissuade some of your fears.  Even if you have some complications (like with my pre eclampsia), chances of anything serious coming of it are slim.  I had to be induced, and had a very difficult labor, but even after it all, the worst I had was a few stitches from an episiotomy.  And it isn't so bad, because I'm having another one soon enough!!!  :)

Maureen - posted on 02/14/2009

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I was more scared of the pain that I heard about!  And even with drastic complications on my first delivery - I went on to have  5 more.  It may not be fear of dying, but fear of the uknown.  We are always afraid of what we don't know.  You will be fine. 



Instead of fixating on that negative thought, focus on fixing that room up.  Start nesting!  Get a pregnancy work out tape!  Learn how to sew or knit and make a baby blanket.  Or, read a book and take a nice long Calgon bath while you can.  Your own time is coming quickly to an end!  Enjoy it while you can!

User - posted on 02/14/2009

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Look around! So many happy moms just think you'll be one of them soon. Labor is a natural process happening since the begining of times. Go in there thinking about your baby...you will no die...you will NOT die...You'll be fine (exhausted...but fine). Happy thoughts my dear...happy thoughts!

Jackie - posted on 02/14/2009

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Just an aside note...not to diminsh what anyone has experienced, but when facing labor, scary stories Do NOT help.



 



Think Positive. You CAN do it!

Angela - posted on 02/14/2009

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It's hard to think about,when I had my first child the delivery went wrong I told the dr I was going to get sick she no you are not I said here it comes and when I got sick the cord collapsed and wrapped around my daughters neck which sent me into emergency c-section we thought the c-section went fine however when I was released to go home that night at home my husband helped me to hold my daughter and I told him it hurt he got her up and I sat there for a lil bit before I could get up when I stood my brother in law said get her to the hospital I thought he was talking about my daughter but it was me I was soaked in blood, my husband rushed me to the nearest hospital and after soaking up everything they had they transported me 30min away to the hosiptal I had my children at on the way I ask the ambulance guy if I was going to die he said close your eyes you're not dieing on my watch, this is what happend I had 5 blood clots that burst they said it would be a miracle if I had another baby my miracle came almost 4 years later, my point is I made it and scared to death you just have to have faith that all things will work out I couldn't hold my lil girl for 8months because of what had happend they had to keep going back and cutting on me because the c-section wasn't closing up my body was saying it was healed even though I had a hole in my stomach.I would like to hear more about what has you so afraid, god is with you just talk to him. May god watch over you and you baby.

Jackie - posted on 02/14/2009

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Oh Honey,..you are NOT going to die. You must remember that the woman's body is designed to have children. Practice staying as relaxed as you can. Being relaxed is the best thing for you during labor,..and the best thing IF you want a calm baby. Your baby really reacts to the anxiety you feel. Remember you are the baby's protector.  It looks to you to feel safe.



You will be fine. Ask for an epidural. They are the best. Stay as calm as possible and Easy Labor wishes to you.

Shawntome - posted on 02/14/2009

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Honey I think I was the most terrified 1 becuse i thought my vagina wasn't gonna be the same and 2 it was gonna hurt like Hell but on the day i got so nervous all i could do was laugh!! From the time my water broke.And the epidural GET it you will be o.k. just don't have too many people in the room it will irritate you.AND LAUGH!!

[deleted account]

You must read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. It has inspirational stories from many midwives and Moms alike. I kept it by my bedside during my 3 pregnancies and it brought me such comfort to read the positive birth stories. Do not listen to anyone's scary birth stories and they will cause you anxiety and your fears will be realized. Fear itself is such a source of childbirth pain because your body is tense and working against itself. As far as dying, these days, pregnancy is so "managed" that the chance of that is sooooo remote.

Gayle - posted on 02/14/2009

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Talk to your doctor and tell him your fear. First time is always scary but you will get through it like a champ! Just exspect the unexspected! I was geared up for a long labor because it was my first and everyone says you always have a long labor. My first came in 4 hours!

Emma - posted on 02/14/2009

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i was exactly the same with my first pregnancy mostly because my great grandmother died during child birth, the key to gettin over your fear is telling yourself u are being silly at the end of the day when it happened to my great grandmother it was in the 30s and medical science is a lot more advanced theses days and aswel how common is it?? answer = not very, u may hav this fear now but believe me wen the time comes and u r about to give birth all the fear goes out of your mind, just try to put it out of your mind enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and good luck it will be the most amazing thing u will experience and wen u hav ur baby in ur arms for the first time u will wonder wot u were worrying about xxx

Kayti - posted on 02/14/2009

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I feel exactly the same way. TERRIFIED that I'm going to die and leave my 5 year old blaming his sister for my death.



I have to have a c-section so the risks are greater - substantially greater. It happens. That's the thing...You hear how little it happens or how rare but it happens and knowing it does makes it a whole lot worse.



With my first I didn't know any better and this weird calmness came over me about 6 weeks til the end and I was serene and calm and it was great. I had a terrible delivery - 30 hours of labour that ended in a c-section. and this time, I know what to expect and I'm forced to have the c-section due to my hips and I'm bloodly scared some overworked doctor will make the tiniest mistake because he's human. I make mistakes in my job occasionally but I just have to have a magazine reprinted, people don't die.



Having said all that - I don't rely on God like some many other people have written. I believe that I want to see my baby so badly that nothing will happen and if it does, that's a situation that I can't control. I trust my midwife and the surgeon and I hope with all my heart it goes well. 



If I can jump out of a plane I can have a second c-section and live to tell about it!!



wait for the calm, it will come over you like a blanket.

Cassie - posted on 02/13/2009

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The Fear Alone Would Be Intense In It Self!!!...  I Dont think there is any thing, any one could say to take away this feeling.... Except maybe understanding of yourself and why you have this fear might just ease the feeling long enough to put it to the back of your mind (Hard that one) to enjoy the growth of your baby.... Labor Is A Scarey Thought, espeacially with your first child, I was worried that something might go wrong with all 3 of my children, gladly we were & are still Well... Listen to all whom have replyed as they all have great points and tips. Keep talking and asking questions as this will help you, as you have done... I wish you well and the best for your pregnancy and labor....  let us know how you go!!  XCassie  Congratulations On Your Pregnancy As Well...

User - posted on 02/13/2009

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Do you have a health risk? This is the question you must ask yourself.To put your mind at ease, if you do not have a serious health risk, chances are , you'll be fine.If you do have a health risk , discuss with your doctor the concerns you are having. Is it a certain procedure? Is it just a fear or do you know someone this has happened to? Just try to remember the entire labor, you are here to see your baby and spend your life with your baby. I have 3 children , I also had that fear with my first. My reason was only because I knew it was a possibility. Just try to focus on that first look into your newborn baby's eyes! There is nothing in the world like it!

Phaedrae - posted on 02/13/2009

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I work in Labor and Delivery and I can honestly say that it's a slim chance of you dying in childbirth. If you deliver in a hospital, your are surrounded by trained professionals who are very qualified and know what they're doing.
It's very common to feel scared, so don't feel silly. Mention it to your doctor and to the nurses the day of.
It's good for you to take a tour to the hospital that you'll be using. That way you won't have any suprises and it will be very familiar to you. Also, take birthing classes. Most hospitals offer those free. Educate yourself in all ways possible so you'll be prepared.
Rely on Heavenly Father to take care of you and to help the hospital staff.....you'll be OK. :)

Priscilla - posted on 02/13/2009

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OMG. This is scary as i'll be having a kid again. You must think positive! If you fear this too much to the point of passing out or something, mabye you should consider a c-section. I've only herd of cases of women who have died during the labor and pusshing of the baby coming out...you see this in movies too! You have to do what you want to do for your peace of mind. I originally wanted a c-section because my first child was a hard labor. It was too much all at one time and it seriously made me paranoid. Anyhow, i got over that thought and decided to go all natural. Of course you never know what gonna happen, but you need to do what makes you feel better.

Kimberly - posted on 02/13/2009

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i was very scared until my bf..well ex now got some statistics showing that its like 1 in a million that women die..if u are in healthy shape and ur baby is too then u should be fine :)

Wendy - posted on 02/13/2009

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I had that fear also. Just because I had so much complications during my pregnancy. My faith in God helped me to be at peace about that. If you are healthy your blood pressure is stable then I think you should have a normal labor and delivery. You should also talk with your doctor about this fear. I didn't talk with my doctor but my husband and my friends helped by praying for me.

[deleted account]

Is there a reason for this fear?  Is there something going on during your pregnancy that could cause problems during child birth or do you know of someone that has died during child birth?  Normally, and I use this word loosely, the chances are very slim.  It can obviously happen, but it is a very small amount of women compared to all of the women that have children.

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