how do you get your 4 year old to calm down and listen...concentrate too??
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Hayley - posted on 10/12/2012
yep i honestly think that four is the age of little terrors!im really glad i have read all these posts because i always taught it was just my little fella.....especially when im out and about he doesnt walk he runs and i also feel like im just nagging saying stop all day long....he's so hyper it can be mortifying when your out and people are lookin at ya like you have no control over them.....im like he's four!!!!!!just stick with the tough love and it will come good in the end its all fazes!i do take all his toys and he has too work hard to receive them all back one at a time...it works....but they are just material things try get on the floor for at least half an hour a day and leave the hoovering....sometimes they are just lashing out for our attention!!!i know they have a funny way of asking!!!!
User - posted on 11/29/2008
Hi ladies, I'm a new member, I also have a overactive four year old, a red headed lad, we found ourselves correcting him all the time, sometimes I would feel terrible as it seemed that the only thing that came out of my mouth was don't do this, dont do that. So we read some books, talked to the preschool and formulated a plan. Now I too get down look in his eyes and use positive language, then make him repeat the rule so that I know he is understanding it. for instance the rule is no running inside then I say to him"whilst inside we are going to walk", I then ask him,"So what are we going to do whilst we are inside"? if he breaks the rule then he gets one warning, if he breaks it again he gets a smack. I now always try and explain why he gets the smack. There is new situations everyday that arise and often I get it wrong, but I also get lots of practice. Another valuable tool is praise and encouragement, say it, till your blue in the face, say it for the smallest thing, This has changed my son amazingly. Dont be afraid to use tools that professionals use with developmentally delayed children, especially with small things like concentration, there are loads of websites with fantastic ideas for all sorts of learning experiences. We used some ideas to teach my son to calm down before we would go out somewhere. He would blow a pingpong ball around the house with a straw, it would calm him down and we could then do things normally. anyway enough already. K
Nicole - posted on 11/29/2008
Yes, I couldn't agree more, it's not nessesarily "harshness" it's more like you said "firmness" or as our mom's always put it "tough love" I figure the more you put it in their minds now that you're not gonna put up with their "disobediance" the more likely they are to have more respect for you and less disobediance as they get even older.
I have watched someone close to me give her kids basically whatever they want and then she wonders why they basically use her as their personal doormat ... I mean yes my kids get nice things that they would like, but it all depends on their behavoral level too, like the "chart" I like the idea of a chart, I think I might do that one myself and see what my kids think of that ...
Chrissy, if all else fails, pray ... ask God for guidance ... trust me it works, there are times where I could take all the suggestions in the world and none of them will work, but when I sit down and take some time to pray and ask God for a hand ... I can't explain it, but it's truly amazing :)
Ginny - posted on 11/28/2008
I don't think it's necessarily harsh-ness you are describing - but firm-ness. Children need boundaries to feel safe. They have to know that their moms and dad's are in control of the world so they can feel safe. Nicole's trick about kneeling and trying to achieve eye contact is solid. And every child understands the logic behind a time out to another space - if they are told that mommy will need to take them away from everyone else if they do not treat other's well. These types of logical consequences (if cared out with consistancy) will impact their behavior. If your child can sit and listen to a story for four or five minutes, that's about all you can expect at this age. My mother used to say: " And this too shall pass". And by George I think it will. Children's self-control advances a lot in the 4 - 6 years. Even six months can make a big difference at that age.
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Emily - posted on 11/29/2008
i asked my daughter this and she said the most important things are a good schedule and to make him have an hour to hour and half of quiet time in his room. not a nap but he has to play by himself quietly. also i started doing consequences. which takes away something he likes everytime he doesnt listen. i take away a tv show everytime he doesnt listen. he starts off the day with 3 shows before bed and everytime he gets a consequence he gets one taken away if he goes over the 3 then he gets no shows at quiet time or bed. ive been doing it for a couple weeks and its working very well.
Emily - posted on 11/28/2008
I am so glad that someone else feels this way. My four year old is very active and I worry about his over activeness a lot. I feel like he is a typical four year old boy. His daycare teacher only tells me the bad things about him every time I pick him up, which makes me feel like a horrible mother.
What I do, is a charting system. If both of my kids have a bad day they don't get a sticker, but if they have a good day, they do. Once we fill up their stick charts (that I allow them to decorate) they get a trip with their choice mom or dad somewhere special or to the store to get a prize. This is one way that I've addressed the bad behavior.
Another way is the super nanny's naughty rug method. I think he dislikes this more than anything.
And as the first mom stated, I am harsh. I find myself feeling very guilty at times, but I think it pays off. He doesn't like it if he thinks I am angry.
Nicole - posted on 11/28/2008
Oh boy ... hmmmm that's a good question ... I too have a 4 year old; and believe me, I ask myself the same question EVERYDAY!! It's frustrating, but I also remember that soon he will be a little older and a little less apt to push those kind of buttons ... I don't know if you have been "stern" with your 4 year old or not ... I'm imagining you have probably tried everything known to ... well ... motherhood ... but sometimes I have actually had to go above my boundaries and be a little harsher than normal ... it hurts me to do it, but at some points they have to learn when enough is enough ... concentrating ... I'm not really sure if they are ready for that one yet, like if you are really trying to get him/her to listen to you, then what I do is I take my son by both hands, kneel down and have him look me in the eye (takes a few times) then I tell him what I would like him to do, and more times than not (about 90% more than not) he will know I'm serious and needs to pay a little more attention. Has this helped at all?
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