how do you make a 10 yr old stop being selfish

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Kristi - posted on 04/14/2009

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You can't change their attitude immediately, but over time your influence should help.  If he talks back or rolls his eyes, you can let him know it is unacceptable to be disrespectful and if he continues with that behavior there will be a consequence.  After the warning, if he continues, follow through with a punishment - take away a privilege like video games or tv, etc...and the more he does it, the longer they will stay gone.  He could write sentences, "I will not roll my eyes," 100 times...that will improve his handwriting too!  He could write an essay about why he should listen and obey - or the effects of being selfish and greedy and the effects of being generous....or 100 ways to show he cares....be creative!  Also - do not spoil!  I used to be strict, and the kids were great....then they started getting good grades, etc so I eased up and thought I would try the nice approach, buying them ice cream, toys, taking them fun places, etc, but they started acting like spoiled brats!  I felt totally taken for granted!  Then I realized, if I had just stuck to the old ways of NOT spoiling them, they wouldn't be as selfish and take things for granted....so just stay strong and consistent and don't tolerate that behavior - you don't deserve it!  A few consequences go a long way and it might even do him good!

Shelagh - posted on 04/14/2009

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Babies are naturally ego-centric - and at some point between 0 and 10 we expect this behaviour to stop. Hmm. A bit of selfishness is necessary - you don't want your child to just roll over and not stand up for themselves. The transition from being ego-centric, to being able to see how their behaviour affects others, is a big one. In what ways is he/she being selfish? Try to discuss it - if he/she won't share their things, maybe they're worried they'll get broken? If they won't tidy up, maybe they didn't make all the mess? (My answer to that was always 'Yes, I know you didn't, but I'm asking you to do it as a personal favour to me, the most patient mother in the world.' Said in a business-like way, with a grin on my face, you'd be surprised how well it worked.)

Christina - posted on 05/31/2013

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My husband and I at first let our daughter get away with everything. We did everything for her. And we started to see how she started to treat us and things got continuously worse. And my husband started to get on her, telling her that she had to clean her home, help with the dishes and whatever else needed done. And of course mom was letting her get away with things and that was causing major problems between my husband and myself. And so I realized that and my husband and I started to work together and our daughter tried to con me into letting her out of her chores because all she cared about was her self . She was very SELFISH because all she care about was herself. She wanted a hamster and at first she took care of it and then about a couple of weeks she stopped taking caring of it. So now my husband and I work together and she is to clean her room everyday. Because she does not keep it clean. And she is to change the hamsters waters, mice water, guinea pigs water and feed them. And she is to do that before she eats dinner. And she has a kitten that is hers. So she has to feed it and make sure it has water and change the litter. So she has someone to take care now and lets how long this until she becomes SELFISH ALL OVER AGAIN. THAT IS WHAT KIND OF PERSON SHE IS. MY HUSBAND AND I ARE HOPING THAT SHE WILL NOT GO BACK TO BEING SELFISH AGAIN?? ANYONE GOT ANY IDEA?? I CAN USE SOME??

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User - posted on 04/14/2009

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www.youtube.com/watch?v=naqX9iYE0V0



Please watch this video, it shows the importance of how doing good things for others can have a positive impact on children. Please watch it with your children, it may help them.

Jen - posted on 04/14/2009

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I'm kind of going through the same thing with my son and he's 8 going on 9. There are times when he is unselfish, but most of the time it all about him. If it doesn't please him or is not convient for him, then the attitudes begin. It gets so frustrating. Trying to explain to him the reasonings behind things, he just doesn't want to hear it.

Dana - posted on 04/14/2009

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I'm asking the same question because my 10 year old is not only selfish but got a rolling eyes and talking back promblem!!!!!!!!!!!

User - posted on 04/14/2009

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ooh, that's a toughy. At 10 they are so stubborn. First off, I think it is important NOT to focus on her selfishness, compliment her when she is unselfish and let her know how you appreciate her when she thinks of others. Next, have her perform service to others! If she can see how her acts of kindness effect others she may want to be more giving. I don't know if you "spoil" her, but maybe limit things she gets until she can understand that we don't get everything we want and we need to give and do things for others to get things in return - and not just tangible items.

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