how do you moms find the time to clean the house,cook dinner before the husband gets home?

Brooke - posted on 01/12/2012 ( 20 moms have responded )

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i have a 8 month old who barely sleeps during the day and every time i put her down she screams and cry's. Do i just let her cry while i do the dishes etc.? my husband when he gets home from school likes the house to be clean and dinner cooked. But i hate just letting her cry while i do something and then i say well i do it when she sleeping and then she barely sleeps during the day or she will have a nap and then im too exhausted. I would like a clean house how do i do it any tips or advice? i know there are moms out there with lots of kids and still mange to keep their house spotless how do they do it?

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Elfrieda - posted on 01/12/2012

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I think your husband needs an attitude adjustment.

1) He only remembers his house from when he was 3 years old at the earliest. It's almost impossible to get things done when you have a fussy infant, but easier once the kids are older. So it's unfair to compare.

2) Did his mother spend as much time with them as she should have/ wanted to? And like others have said, what's more important, the baby or the house?

3) He shouldn't be comparing you to his mother anyway. So rude. If he wanted to live with his mom, he shouldn't have married you!

4) Never complain about something you don't want to do yourself. That's my rule for both myself and my husband. We do very well with it. There's this hole in the drywall that's been there for a year already, but I know he'll get around to it eventually (maybe not as fast as he would have if I hadn't hidden it behind a picture, but what can you do) and I don't complain about it. And he doesn't complain when the house is a mess when he comes home.



I think you might need to make a new system for the two of you. Tell him that it's really hard for you to get everything you'd like to done in a day, and maybe you could come up with some sort of system where when he comes home, he gets greeted enthusiastically but then gets 10 minutes of absolute silence and solitude just to unwind from the day. Then he can watch the baby while you cook supper, you can have a nice family meal, put the baby to bed together, and then you have the evening to yourselves to spend apart or together.



In my experience, men can be a little forceful with their expectations, but if you just tell them "It's not working for me. Can we try something else and will you help me?" they will fall over themselves to make your life easier. They want you to be happy and appreciate them, that's my experience.

Anyway, good luck.

[deleted account]

Sorry, my house is usually spotless and I am not weird/abnormal and i don't pay someone to clean for me. I wore my daughter, thats how i keep my house clean. She cried when i put her down, so i just tied her to me so i had two free hands and she was happy. Now that shes older, she plays while I do my hour worth of chores i have each day. If you have everything organized, in its spot, and don't let things pile up. All it takes is an hour a day, 2-3 hours once a week for the extra stuff like mopping and dusting. I clean as i make the mess as well, I don't procrastinate. If it gets done as I make it its less of a mess and i have more time for other things. My SO cleans up after himself too, that makes a huge difference. Just because I do the bulk of it, doesn't mean he can't look after himself. I am not his mother.

Chrystal - posted on 01/12/2012

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Well first cut yourself some slack your still learning it takes time and practice to learn to be a mom and housewife at the same time. Second when she goes down for a nap sit your butt down it's so important for you to have time to rest if your exhausted that's your body telling you it needs to rest there is nothing good that can come from ignoring that. While you are resting during her nap write down all the things you feel need to be done around your house to keep it clean and how often (clean bathroom 2 times a week for example) then take those tasks and set up a weekly planner (example Monday is the kitchen) or just leave it that way and that's the goals for the week whenever they get done do whatever works for you. That's your game plan so you know what needs to be done without having to think about it. I also make meal plans so I don't have think about what's for dinner I just look it up you can get tips on how to make a budget friendly meal plan from hillbillyhousewife.com. For the actual cleaning I work as long as my kids will let me if that's 10 minutes well I can get a bathroom clean in 10 or get the carpet vacuumed. For dinners I start in the morning with checking my meal planner then I do the task I can ahead of time through the day like chopping veggies. Your daughter is old enough now to start learning that it's ok for mommy to put her down and she can play by herself. At first maybe you'll be able to do it for 5 minutes before she demands your attention but think about how many dishes you could wash in 5 minutes? Just give her fun things to do and try pushing it back a minute or two before you pick her up. When you're cooking dinner have a sink of wash water ready so you can clean as you go it'll save time in the long run. I do a quick pick up 5 minutes before my husband walks in the door so it's look cleaner but if a toy or two is on the floor it isn't the end of the world. The best advice I can give is don't expect to complete a task from start to finish uninterrupted it's not gonna happen and you'll feel way less stressed if you accept that. I've got 2 kids (19 months and 7 months) and I keep a clean home and dinner on the table when my husband comes home but it took time I can assure you that when my first was 8 months there were things every where and dinner was an hour late at times if it got made at all. Just make a game plan and start working at it you'll get the hang of it soon enough and if there are still days nothing gets done but what your daughter needs than it was still a good day because she was taken care of.

Elfrieda - posted on 01/12/2012

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At the same time, I do think an 8 month old can be expected to entertain him or herself for 5-10 minutes. I had a very fussy baby, too, and 1 minute by myself was pretty good already. Finally I realized I was kind of training him to need me staring at and playing with him constantly, so I started letting him cry for short periods of time (5 minutes) when he was surrounded by toys and there was no reason for him to be upset. I started at around 8 months, just because it was so crazy, I couldn't do ANYTHING when he was awake. I wondered how other women did it, but as they get older and you train them a little, it gets better. My son still needs a bit more attention than some kids (he's 2) but it's easier to include him in the chore or tell him to wait until I'm finished.

[deleted account]

I used to put my son in the high chair in the kitchen so he could watch me cook or do dishes. Then once he started complaining about the high chair, I emptied out one of my drawers in the kitchen and put a set of kiddie pots 'n pans in there and some utensils I didn't need anymore and he'd "cook" while I was cooking. Mostly just keeping him close and letting him be a part of whatever I was doing helped. For laundry, same thing. I've always set aside a small pile of clean dish towels for him to "fold" while I got the real folding done. Vacuuming? Let him help you with that too. It took me longer but I used to let my son help me push the vacuum all the time. Sometimes he'd even try riding on it lol Everything you would normally do without a child can be done with a child. You just have to be creative and think outside the box.



I also agree with whoever it was who posted that your husband should be helping with housework. When I was a SAHM, I think my husband would have freaked out if he'd come home to a spotless house and dinner on the table every night. Normally, he'd come home to find me on the floor with our son somewhere. He'd kick off his shoes, join us and then ask what "we" were cooking for dinner that night. Then again, this is the same man who used to get up for night feeds every other night so I could sleep. You know, now that I think about it....he's kinda neat to have around lol We're both working now and our son is in pre-school. But he still helps with everything around the house from cooking to laundry. The only thing he won't do is vacuum and that's probably because I'm the only one who knows how to fix the stupid thing when it clogs lol

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[deleted account]

I remember when my son was little and could yet sit on his own, I would put him in the "bumbo" and give him a bucket of toys. He'd sit and sort through the bucket of toys, it would keep him happy for a period of time and I could get one or two of the more important jobs done.

Sherri - posted on 01/12/2012

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How we do it is the baby needs to be put down. If she cries so be it, it won't hurt her for a little while. Not to mention at 8mo's old she should be expected to play or amuse herself for sort spurts. Or the other thing you can do which I personally hate but many love is get a carrier and baby wear her.

[deleted account]

"Sorry, my house is usually spotless and I am not weird/abnormal"

Julieanne, I didn't say weird and I meant abnormal as in not the norm. Out of everyone I know there was only one person who had a spotless house when her kids were babies/toddlers. The rest of us struggled, just like poor Brooke. There have been some wonderful suggestion here though, I'm sure they will help her alot ;-)

Kate CP - posted on 01/12/2012

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My son likes to see what I'm doing so I'll put him in the high chair in the kitchen and let him play with some blocks. In the bedroom he'll watch a movie with me while I fold clothes. I vacuum when his daddy gets home and plays with him for a while. The key is to not kill yourself over having a messy house. You have a baby! Enjoy your daughter and play with her. Talk to her while you work, play games like peek-a-boo while you're tidying up or dusting. Let her crawl around a little when you change the sheets. I NEVER get everything done in a day. But I can knock out a few things and still have fun with my son. :)



Tell your husband that when your daughter is grown you want to look back and remember the fun you had with her...not the piles of laundry you folded.

Amanda - posted on 01/12/2012

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Buy a sling and clean while holding your child. :0)



It is possible, I always do a cleaning right before I know my husband will be home. My house is not always spotless, but when I know people are coming over or the hubby will be home soon. I find the time to do it.

S. - posted on 01/12/2012

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My house is NEVER tidy when my husband gets home! I have 1, 3 and 12 year old n there usually toys everywhere! Which get cleaned up when the little ones are in bed. I do like tea at least cooking when he gets in but firstly that took a lot of practice to get into that routin and secondly if i'v had a bad day with the kids or we have been out ect and it's not done then he accepts it, it dosent happen often! In saying that I don't think it hurts to leave babies crying for short amounts of time whilst you do things!

My mam claims she got up at 6 in the morning before use children did to do the cleaning then hoovered 3-4 times a day! To me sleeps to precious and childrens don't stay little for long to be throwing away the time "always" cleaning! My house is messy in the day because my kids LIVE in it! It's tidy on a night time when they can't un do what iv just cleaned up!

Brooke - posted on 01/12/2012

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yes im going to have talk with him when he gets home, and i just let my baby cry in her playpen for 5 mins because she woke up while setting her in there and i got the christmas tree out of the living room and vacuumed yay! but my baby was sad when i got her from the playpen

[deleted account]

Its hard to let them cry because thats your motherly instincts telling you its wrong. If my SO told me he was too exhausted after work to help with his kids and expected me to do everything, I wouldn't be staying with him. It takes two to make them, it takes two to raise them.

Brooke - posted on 01/12/2012

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my husband expects because his mom kept clean house with three little boys he thinks its so easy with just one but he doesnt know. Then when he comes home he complains about it not being clean,so i ask him to watch baby and he says hes too exhausted.

Brooke - posted on 01/12/2012

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yes i that sounds like good to start doing something even if you didnt finish it a little bit cleaner :). My mother-in-law had three boys all predy much year apart, my husband was the middle child she he was the same way as my girl , she had carry him around all over, she told me i have to just let her cry it out while clean or will only get worse,but thats so hard for to do to let her scream and hold her breath just to clean up

Michelle - posted on 01/12/2012

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Why does it have to be done before he gets home? Surely he can help with the housework since he lives in the house and makes some of the mess.



Like Sharon said: A normal Mum looks after her child and herself first. If she still has time then some of the house gets done. Your children are only young once and you don't want to look back on this time and say I missed some crucial milestones but at least my house was spotless.

[deleted account]

btw.... the Mums with all the kids and spotless houses are either abnormal or they pay a cleaner. Don't wear yourself out or you'll make yourself sick.

[deleted account]

A friend of mine used the carrier you wear on your back, she said it was great. Your husband could cut you a little slack though, despite what some people think, it isn't easy to care for a baby and run a household. I used to do what I could in terms of getting dinner started and then my husband would take our baby for a cuddle and play while I cooked and served up our dinner. As for the cleaning, prioritise and try to keep the essentials done but other less important jobs can wait until you have more time or can get a little help. You can't do it all so just do what you can... (my house was never spotless when my kids were babies)

Brooke - posted on 01/12/2012

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my baby is 24lbs and most dont fit her and i have a front one and she leans forward to far and trys to grab things to much, but never tryed one that you wear on your back

[deleted account]

Get a sling or baby carrier like the Ergo and wear your baby.



My son at that age didn't nap well either. I would nap with him usually. I cleaned when he was awake. He just played on the floor or crawled around. We would make a game of it.



Some things are impossible to do with a baby around, like mopping the floors -- so I ask my husband to take our son out for a walk for an hour or so while I do some heavy duty cleaning.

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