How do you potty train a 3 year old who doesn't wanna be potty trained??

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Sherri - posted on 06/11/2009

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Don't feel bad. My son is 3.5 and we have tried everything there is to try. My mom, even tried thinking she had all the answers and it failed. He sits on the potty, he knows it's disgusting to go in your pants and that big boys don't do that. He even wants to wear his character underwear, but still refuses to use the potty. Instead, he'll hold it in until he can't hold it anymore and will go on himself. We thought that this would embarrass him, but it barely even phases him. His pediatrician, along with other nurses and doctors that I work and go to school with have told me just to be patient. Some kids just take longer and he'll go when he's ready to go. It's frustrating as a parent, but what fun is parenthood without a little frustration in your life. LOL

Nicole - posted on 06/12/2009

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I"d say don't freak out about it. I started trying with my son when he was 2 and it was just stressful more than anything he was not interested. Then i thought ok, you are 3, you should do it now. But no, not into it lol. Then one day i was going to be home with not much to do for about 4 days and i said that's it...we're wearing big boy underwear today, and if you have an accident it's gross but it's ok...we'll just try again. And that first day we had only 1 accident. I didn't bribe, there were no treats other than a smile on my face and a bit of a happy dance and we phoned the grandmas to fill them in on how good we were at the potty stuff. I found that if i put him in pullups he'd just take advantage and keep peeing and pooping in them so we just cut them out, he wears one at night just in case and as soon as he gets up he pees and brings me underwear. We have had hardly any accidents and i think that if you stress about it that doesn't help. It'll all happen eventually. Just think, you never see a teenager walking around wearing pullups...they WILL grow out of it lol

Amy - posted on 06/12/2009

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Reward, reinforce, have patience! My SIL had a hard time with her son. She finally stacked wrapped presents (small ones) on the bathroom shelf and a jar full of M&M's. The M&M's were for #1 and the presents were for #2. He had the mechanics down before all this, but just refused to comply with the program. They let him know what the rewards would be and backed off. Finally he decided he REALLY wanted to get those rewards he kept staring at on the shelf. He gradually started going a couple times a day, at his insisting. His parents encouraged him, but took the pressure off 'making' him go and let the rewards do the work. He eventually got into the habit and finally finished potty training in time to attend preschool. You just have to find incentives that work with your child and try to give them a schedule that they can 'try' on. Like after they eat, when they wake or going to bed. Try not to force them, support and encourage. It is their body after all... they have to decide to control that part of themselves!



Good luck,



Amy

Holly - posted on 06/12/2009

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I just went through this with my son. We had sporatic successes until we found something that he loved to do....fishing in a boat. We told him he couldn't go until he tried. He's been going on the potty ever since. We started introducing a training potty when he was a little over 2 so he could get comfortable with it. Then for 2 months he wanted nothing to do with it. So when he's ready and he a reward to look forward too he'll get it.

Jessica - posted on 06/10/2009

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I've been there done that. I've stopped even trying for the time being b/c it just upsets him and I both even more b/c he's not fully ready.

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Jennie - posted on 04/23/2013

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I understand what you are going through. We were doing so well at Christmas time and now she know what she is doing. I say do you have to go pee, she says no. Then 5 min later she pees. She will sit in the pee and won't tell lie in her under ware till I see that there is a wet spot. I though that they were not supposed to like the feeling of the wet. She decides when she wants to and doesn't and when she doesn't she just goes in her pants, and don't want to have to yell. So I am very frustreated

Daleen - posted on 06/13/2009

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My seuntjie word in Augustus 3. Ons het hier rondom twee probeer deur hom toe telaat om met die potjie te speel ens.Ek het toe iewers gelees om die potjie vol stickers te plak en n sticker boek te gee wat hul net kyk op die potjie. Ek het vir hom vis stickers-dit is sy groooooot liefde- gaankoop ons hele gesin het n groooooot bohaai oor dit gemaak die potjie beplak en langs die toilet gaan sit.Elke keer as ons gaan , gaan hy saam en ons maak groot ophef daarvan al los hy net twee druppels. Hy is seker nog ver van "getrain" maar ons vorder stap vir stap.Hy is opgewonde om die potjie te gebruik en dink dit is baie oulik met sy vissies op!

Janet - posted on 06/12/2009

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I have the same problem. My son turned 3 in February and still isn't potty trained and has no interest in it. I am constantly having people say "he still isn't potty trained" and I feel like I am doing something wrong. I don't want to fight with him and I am afraid that will just make him even less likely to do it. I have bought all the character underwear, tried bribing for candy, toys and going fun places, but that only worked for a week or two and then he just seemed to lose interest in the potty again. I don't know that to do anymore. I would like to have him in different activites, but he has to be potty trained in order to join alot of groups and clubs. I love him, but I would really like to see him potty trained soon.

Heather - posted on 06/12/2009

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We bought a "Bear in the Big Blue House" show about potty time and the "Once upon a potty" show. Then we made a sticker chart and after 10 stickers he got a popsicle. It worked! With my older son I set the timer on the microwave for 45 minutes and when the bell beeped we told him that was the potty alarm and it was time to go try. If he protested we just told him that it was the rule and the bell reminded us. He's a big rule follower so it worked! Hope this helped.

Cassy - posted on 06/12/2009

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Find a friend or family member who has a personality like Nanny 911 and have your toddler spend a day with her/him-- totally serious! I kept using the excuse, "she's not ready yet" --my sister spent the day with my 3 year old daughter, potty in front of the tv, can't get up until you've peed! I thought it was mean, but once my daughter realized how clean and neat it was to pee in the potty, she never turned back!

Anne Marie - posted on 06/12/2009

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I am having potty issues with my 2 1/2 yr old son. He wants to wear big boy underpants, but doesn't use the potty, and WONT let me diaper him. I am letting him wear the underpants OVER his diaper. I tell him to tell me when he has to go pee pee or poo poo, and if he is trying to use the potty, he gets a sticker on his sticker chart, and can wear his big boy underpants that he picked out in the store. If he is not trying to use the potty, no underpants... just a diaper. As he starts to use the potty consistently, I will remove the diaper slowly during the day. He is trying to use the potty and sits on it every hour and reads a book or colors. He has missed it once and peed on the floor, cried! And thought it was the end of the world... I gave him an extra sticker for going... he did after all TELL me that he had to go, we just didn't make it in time. Otherwise he has peed and pooped in the potty once each, he tells me he has to go, but either we don't have enough time to make it there, or he is telling me as he is already going. We go sit on the potty anyways and get a sticker for sitting. He is getting encouragement for the effort, and will (hopefully soon) make it on time! Hope that helps!

Courtney - posted on 06/12/2009

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Buy the book "No Cry Potty Training Solutions" by Elizabeth Pantley. It really helps you understand where you might be going wrong, gives great support, will give you ideas on motivation and shows you that potty training is process - go into the bathroom, pull the pants down, sit on the toilet, wipe, get off the toilet, pull the pants up, etc. It just breaks down the process and helps you take it step by step. Good luck! :-)

Jamie - posted on 06/12/2009

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My son is 3 1/2 and we attempted since he was 2 and he really just showed no interset up until about 2 weeks ago, we still continued to introduce him, and finally we made him sit on the floor and told him NO DIAPER. so after 15 minutes, he decided to get up, put on undies and that was that. We gave him 2 small pieces of candy (M &M or Smarties) each time he peed in the potty, did that for about 1 week, and this week, he pooped 3 times on his own. No candy. I think it only works when there ready. he still sleeps in a pull up but where getting there. he will be there soon!!!

Marilyn - posted on 06/12/2009

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I started with my son when he was 2 1/2 years old..it's frustrating at first but when your consistent on monitoring him on what his eating and when he drinks ask him at least every hour...eventhough he said 'no' let him sit there alone for a sec. while talking to him. Sometimes it help him going if there's no distraction. It also help if dad or a big brother show him how they do it.

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ok- I honestly don't think there is such a thing as a kid not "wanting" to be potty trained- he just may not be ready!!! Every kid does it at there own pace. I used an online E-Book, that I buought for 17$ and it was a MIRACLE! Just the pointers and the way to attempt it all. If you like having one thing/person guide you when you don't know how or what to do- try this book. go to (www) easypottytraining (dot com) The gal wrote it herself- and it was AWESOME!!!!!!

Michelle - posted on 06/12/2009

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My son is now 15, but when he was potty training I would make a game out of it. I would put cherrios or fruit loops in the potty/ toiley and tell him to aim for the whole, or you could try putting blue food coloring in the water and tell them that when they potty the water will MAGICALLY turn green. That worked reaaly well for him. Now my daughter on the other hand, is very difficult! She will only tinkle on the potty/ toilet, but nothing else! Bribes worked for the first part, but still having major struggles with the poopy! Any suggestions?

Annmarie - posted on 06/12/2009

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Hi

My 3 year old daughter refused to toilet train for me. She told me on numerous occasions that she "do it in my pants"!!! Monkey that she is. I have bought books and read on line chats and I have tried it all. I have been studying this year so she has been left to it with her daddy. Over Easter I had 2 weeks free where I could concentrate on her and her only. It was a slow process and we had many wet pants (and a new carpet too!!). She knew when she was about to go. But that was too late to run to the toilet. I just persevered. I bought a book in mothercare which came with a reward chart. My daughter loves stickers so I bought them too. At first she got a sticker and a token for sitting on the toilet then I moved it to she only got a token for sitting but a star for actually doing something. Then I read that by giving them a sweet after they do the toilet (although your not supposed to tell them it's for doing the toilet)this helped. I downloaded a book by Lora Jensen online and that gave me great ideas. My next task was getting her to use the toilet in nursery... This was another process in it self - darling daughter is determined to do things her way. Two weeks she decided she was just going to wet herself and dirty herself even when I told her I wasn't happy. So I told her she if she did her peepee in the toilet at nursery she would get a sweetie in the car and she could watch DORA that evening. Well she wet herself so there was no dora or sweetie. The next day same threat and by god did she pee in the toilet... It is all about perservence and bridery. Find what works with your child and do it. But I can honestly say the book I downloaded was brill. Even if it says it can be accomplished in 3 days... it is up to the child. Don't know if that helped but sometime it helps knowing that others are in the same situation as you. These mothers who tell ya my child did it when they were 1 1/2 and 2, found this the most disheartening and it's not helpful and makes you feel like cr*p. Don't listen to them listen to your child. Your shild will do it when they want to.

Natalie - posted on 06/12/2009

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This is such a common thing! I am so comforted to know that I am not alone. My son has just turned 3. A couple of months ago, we thought he had just about cracked it and we were about to see the end of nappies forever. Suddenly, he decided to refuse to use the toilet again and I feel that we are back to square one. The idea of going to the toilet has upset him so much that we gave him a break again and we are beginning again with a reward system. Fingers crossed......

Ann - posted on 06/12/2009

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my son has just gone through the potty training side. He refused to sit on a potty was not interested, I then went and brought what looked like a chair, but was a potty that he could sit on and he was quite happy to go, he know as progressed from the chair to the actual toilet which is fantastic, he was three last december and he said to me that he wanted to wear pants like his older brother, I said ok but you will have to use the potty which was an nightmare to start with, but just go with the it, they will potty train when they are ready, if you push it it will back fire on you. Just go with your child. We have a potty training book when they use the potty the open one of the doors which revealed a star.

Peta - posted on 06/12/2009

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What a relief to hear we are not the only ones going through this. We have tried all that has been suggested. In fact, last weekend, our son Cole who turns 4 in September, did two number 2s in the toilet. We thought we were there and he was now toilet trained. On Monday, he wanted his nappies and hasn't gone to the toilet since. I just have to believe that he will get it when the time is right for him. It helps me to know that he isn't the only one.

Carrie - posted on 06/11/2009

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The only thing that worked for my son was we hung out with friends that had children about the same age. When they went he would follow and they would say "it's your turn" and he would try. After a couple of visit he started going. And i thought this child would never be potty trained. He is 3 1/2 years old and has not had an accident since he started this. But remember you can not push them to go b/c the harder they push they will rebel. Also my doctor told us that this is the last contol thing the kids have and they have to want to go to the potty without you making them. Make it fun-it is a big deal if they go!! Hope this helps.

Pam - posted on 06/11/2009

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I tried a method described in How To Potty Train In a Day (or something like that it was almost 30 years ago!) which sounds a lot like the 3 day method below, however the most useful part of that book was the list of readiness skills/maturity to make sure your son is physically and mentally ready before doing the training otherwise it will be hard on everyone involved but really once my son was ready it did take only 1 day, it was a long day but it worked! Now my daugher was different, she had more of an attitude of of you can't tell me what to do...so it actually was harder with her good luck!.

Jennifer - posted on 06/11/2009

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My 3 year-old would sit on the potty or toilet, but wouldn't go. We tried various incentives to no avail. Later on, it came out that all our talk about his getting to be a big boy was making him anxious. You see, when a friend from daycare became a big girl, she went to pre-school. He was terrified that once he used the potty he would be sent away to school too. We reassured him he would go to school when he was 5 years old. Within two days of his 4th birthday, when he realized we weren't sending him to school, he did it! Here's a bonus- he is dry through the night!

Katey - posted on 06/11/2009

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My son was like that and all I did was tell him,"You are no longer going to be in diapers, I am giving you these underwear and you are going to wear them now." Of course he didn't like that but he eventually, with time and patience, quit going on himself and was potty trained in about 2 weeks. I just held to my guns and told him how it was going to be. Sometimes kids need just alittle push in this area. I realize every child is different and this may not work but it is just what I did. My son was also afraid to go poo, I was told by a pediatrician that he was scared because he felt as if he was losing a piece of himself for good. So I remember the first time he went poo on the potty he was screaming with fear and I was smiling, trying not to laugh, and saying " OH, what a good job, wow you did really good!" "you can do it!" Oh the joys of parenting! Rooting for poop!

Tiffiny - posted on 06/11/2009

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it took my child until he was 4. i know its frustrating but we tried everything toys , priviledges, stickers , etc. the only thing that worked was we finally said enough. we picked a date a month in advance and as of that date NO more pull-ups or diapers. he was constantly going in his pants but as of that date he has not once went in his pants. it worked and i was worried for nothing . buy big boy underwear that is like dad's and let him see waht a big boy he can be let daddy show him that he wears the same kind of underwear and he'll be happy to go like a big boy. any other questions e-mail me at tiffiny81@comcast.net

Tonie - posted on 06/11/2009

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if your child senses you are anxious ... they will start to fear the pot ... i put my daughters pot in with her toys ... let them get used to it ... lol ... hers was used as a hat before she got the hang of sitting on it ... make a game out of it ... and accidents happen, so dont panic just mop them up with a smile and an 'oh dear, never mind' ...stay calm ....but some take longer than others .. so just be patient

Sabrina - posted on 06/11/2009

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We started with my son at the age of 2. We than tried again at the age of 2 and a half. What we think worked was letting my son run around in big boy underwear. When he peed in them, we would ignore it, and when he said he didn't like being "wet" than we would change him. He hated being in wet underwear. After a day, he was much more interested in going in the potty. It also helped when we let him run around naked outside. When he peed, he was very curiuos and we told him that he was peeing. Don't stress out about it. If you stress, he will sense your anxiety....just be casual about it, and he will get it! Get luck!

Jessica - posted on 06/11/2009

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Well I have a 6 year old step son who I have basically taken care of since he was 1 and when I potty trained him he was 3 years and 7 months. And thankfully he was started and finished in two weeks. BUT I put his potty chair right by the kitchen and living room doorway, because kids in diapers are used to poopin and peein in the livingroom or kitchen (obviously in their diaper) or bedroom. So the bathroom is more of a foreign part of the house for them. Especially if they have a specific spot that they always run to to go in their diaper, like behind a chair or in a certain corner of the house, I suppose I would suggest to put the potty chair there first because it's the most familiar, and then slowly move it through the house to the bathroom. And now I have a just turned 3 year old of my own and he is a little challenging. But we're working on it.

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When my youngest was 3 years old and I was trying to potty train him, I thought I would lose my mind. He absolutely refused to go in the toilet or potty so I decided to do a little tough love on him. I took his pull ups and threw them away. So then if he went it was either in his pants (which he quickly found disgusting) or go in the toilet. Within a couple of day he was more than eager to go in the toilet. Yes...it was very messy for me for a few days but the end result was worth it.

Danielle - posted on 06/11/2009

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i have just got through potty training my 3 yr old i had a lot of trouble then i put knickers on her and she has been trained for 3 weeks now i just say bite the bullet and go 4 it but i think the yknow when they are ready

Lindsey - posted on 06/11/2009

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short answer is she's just not ready...the bigger deal us Moms make of it the more resistance we get...something that motivated my son to BE READY was a reward chart, if he didn't wet in his underwear all day he would get a matchbox car from target (Their like .97) then I would extend it to a week...he was done in no time and eventually realized the joy of not having "wet stuff" in his shorts all the time...good luck!

Angela - posted on 06/11/2009

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I feel your pain. My daughter was so easy, my son is a whole nother story. He will be 4 in August and we are struggling with the potty. I've tried rewards, peeing on cheerio's (he does like that alot). I try to be very consistant on getting him to try in the morning and so on. We'll have a good week, then the next he goes in his pull-up again. And number 2 is even more difficult. You're not alone!

Keri - posted on 06/11/2009

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I used the three day method. Pick a time when will be home for 3 days. You can either let your child be naked or put them in underwear. Give the child lots of liquids and send him to the potty every hour. Be ready for accidents. If you use underwear have lots, about 20 pair. No bribes. Just do a happy dance when your child is successful and give lots of praise. It is how I trained my 3 year old. He wasn't interested in potty training either. I started about a month ago. We still have the occasional accident. Usually he will dribble a little in his underwear and go running for the bathroom. It really does work. Good luck.

E. Joy - posted on 06/11/2009

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OK..girl or boy? I have 4 year old son and here's what we tried to get consistent accident-free potty training...(1) put him in all day daycare at 2 and they did the bulk of work w/potty training, but ifyou have no budget for that then (2) guerilla tactic--devote 1 day or weekend, let him/her stay naked in house...every 30 min., grab child and literally run into potty and sit him/her on it and try to get him to go...eventually after about 6 hours, s/he will be running into potty the min. they get the urge and do same process 2nd day same way to keep it fresh..as soon as they start going themselves, put on clothes and modify until it's habit (3) we wanted to go to Europe and leave him with his favorite former sitter who had moved out of state...we told him that if in 21 days before we left, he didn't wet his pants or the bed, that his fav. sitter would come and stay with him for a longggggg time( 10 days)....it worked..Everyday was gold stars, countdown day on chart counting days with big photo of sitter at the destination date! We had lovely European anniversary trip, sitter and he had a great time and he's been dry ever since...At that time he had just turned 3...got him out of pullups--even at night---same way...He just turned 4 and hasn't wet bed at night or had an accident for almost a year. We are amazed..Use what motivates him/her to encourage the behavior...find something they love and give them lots of it as reward for desired behavior. It still works with all other things too..whatever his favorite game/toy of the month is....promise he can have it/do it if he does----x, y and a--whatever it is you are trying to teach him.

Mary Anne - posted on 06/11/2009

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I have two grown boys now. Potty training was .....interesting. I ask their doctor and here is what she said to me. Try...take them to pick out their potty. Let them pick it. Try it, if they dont then stop. This is not meant to be a fight. Wait 2 weeks try again. And again if youo have too. My first born took to it like a fish to water. My second born, hmmmm if he had his way he probably be sportin Depends right about now. Patience is the key. Buy two books one for them one for you. Good Luck.

Jenny-Lynn - posted on 06/11/2009

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I got a cookie jar went out and got candy bars suckers whatever i could think of and put it in the jar. When she would go on the potty weither it was even just to site on it she got a treat. My daughter was not potty train till she was almost four I know how it feels and this was the best thing and It worked

Nicole - posted on 06/11/2009

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heres something a little different this is the first idea, since my daughter is so so stubborn and doesn't like being told what to do I set a timer and she is to go when the timer goes off, that way its not me telling her to go rather the timer. I also let her pick an activity she enjoys something sports or group oriented, well she chose swim lessons and i told her(which is true for the most part) that she needed to potty in the potty before she could do this activity by herself, i just keep reminding her. And heres the REAL DIFFERENT IDEA DONT KNOW IF IT WORKS but its different, try reverse physcology---go to the bathroom and pretend like its the greatest thing ever and say well only big girls can go to the potty and your not a big girl and he or she may just try to prove you wrong. Of course do it nicely and not i a belitttleing/shameful or negative way. Kind of use the attitude you would if you were an older sibbling who got there liscence and the younger child doesn't. LET me know if this works or the other one. Thanks

Rachel - posted on 06/11/2009

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i have twin boys of 3 years an thomas came out of nappies so easy 2 days an he was clean day an night but alex is not haveing any of it but i do keep tryin with him but there all so diffrent and will do it all in there own time :)

Maryann - posted on 06/10/2009

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When they sit on the potty give him, her a book or a toy so they are not afraid of the potty. My sister set up a paper on the frig with sections and every time my nephew went on the potty instead of his diaper he got a star and after 3-5 (set up how many ahead of time) he got a prize. Then she would add to the number of stars in order to get a prize. The key is though if they have an accident (which they will) they don't loss a star, they just don't get one, and have to wait till they are all there to get the prize.

Robin - posted on 06/10/2009

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I also bribed my boys with character underware and m&m's for a reward, every kid is different but really until they are ready your just kicking yourself in the foot! I have heard that a good sign of when they are ready is when they wake up with a dry diaper. My fist potty trained pretty easy at about three but the youngest was more stubborn and he was almost four! Also you don't want to try if you are not going to have time to be faithful about it. It takes you being consistant for at least a couple of weeks to get it done and then you still have to be faithful about it for a long time, reminding them and make them go when they say they don't have to. I always said try for me? I have heard working parents doing potty training on time off from work (dare I say use your vacation?) You could use the money you save on diapers for a better vacation next year!

Susan - posted on 06/10/2009

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My daughter was so easy. One day in a diaper, the next day in panties. And I could count the accidents on one hand. I thought questions like this were so obvious--you find a reward (read: bribe) that works for the kid, and voila it's done! Now, I know better...my son, going on 3 1/2 does pee-pee on the potty for a few months now, but that's it. I can't tell you how many bribes, incentives, whatever, you name it, we've tried it. If there was a magic bullet, someone would have come up with it by now...Me, I'm resigned to good old fashioned patience and muttering under my breath when I've had enough.

Carroll - posted on 06/10/2009

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I bribed my kids with character underwear. and pull ups also worked when we were out running errands. just be patience :)

Kat - posted on 06/10/2009

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He or she may not be ready yet... or if you have a private fenced back yard you can always put him or her outside with a potty and let him or her run 'free' until they learn... another way is let him or her pick out a potty and get used to the potty (through playing or sitting with it in the living room, etc.) to get used to the potty. Or by practicing by using today's version of a betsy wetsy doll (one that wets when u give it water). Also "what to expect - the toddler years" recommends letting the child watch you potty and practice flushing the toilet, washing his or her hands, etc. to get prepared and used to the routine. Also, your child's doctor might have some pointers. Good luck!!

Leonie - posted on 06/10/2009

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I used to give my daughter tic tacs when she used the toilet and because she liked them she'd always go. It worked really well and she's 3 now and has no problems at all! You can get sticker book things specifically designed for toilet training. And my daughter hated the potty but would use the toilet...Hope this has helped!

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