How do you prepare and discuss The Talk....

Mommabird - posted on 12/19/2014 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Ive been seeing alot of talk on the subject of young girls and sex lately. Its making me extremely nervous. The Talk is getting closer and closer each year that goes by and now Im desperate to be as prepared as possible! Our daughter(technically my step daughter) is 10 1/2, will be 11 in June, and hearing people talk about 12, 13 yr olds having sex scares the hell out of me! I have two older boys from my first marraige, 10 1/2 yr old daughter is from his first marraige, and we have a 4 yr old son sooo...this is my first experience with preteen and teenage girls. Things were waaay different back when I was her age. I dont know if MY technique would work these days. Ill tell you a little bit about what Ive already been doing to try and prevent her from growing up faster than her years, I want her to experience things in due time not rush into things too early. She started liking boys last year and kept it from us. My MIL knew but we didnt, til this school year. We found out because she confided in me about a fight with a boy, long story short..he dumped her for someone else and she was hurt and mad. "9 yrs old?" I thought to myself, Nope, this isnt good. I told her this, "It is a known fact that girls mature faster than boys, wouldnt you agree that most boys in your class act immature to you? Well its because you're more mature than they are. How I see it, you dont NEED a boyfriend, boys can be friends all through school and its no different than being bf/gf. Only difference is you dont kiss your friends. Lol." I want to be proactive and talk to her about things BEFORE some kid at school talks to her about things she isnt ready for. Tell me your techniques and stories of success with your daughters.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/22/2014

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We never had 'the talk'. We chose to prepare our sons with age appropriate information about pretty much every sensitive subject, from their bodies, to how those bodies are used.

Approaching it frequently and age appropriately has so far ensured that both my sons have abstained from sexual intercourse, and (hopefully for the younger) will continue to do so until they meet "the one".

Dove - posted on 12/20/2014

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My daughter had friends who were dating in 5th grade... and having sex in 6th. Just a heads up...

If you want to be proactive... be proactive. My daughter is 13 now, has had her period for about a year and a half, knows a LOT about sex, and currently plans to wait til marriage. She's definitely attracted to boys and has lots of them as friends, but also isn't anywhere near interested in dating and thinks the girls in her class that are obsessed w/ their boyfriends and having sex are idiots. I have no doubt that 'some' of that is because I've been preparing her for almost half her life now.

Mommabird - posted on 12/20/2014

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Our 10 yr old is only in 4th right now. She was held back in 1st grade so she wont be in middle school until 6th grade here. And the only 'puberty' discussion we've had so far is her emotions(hormone changes) and development in her chest area. She's been a late bloomer so far..

Dove - posted on 12/20/2014

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If she's 10.5 do not put off talking about puberty any longer. That's kind of late in the game for most kids....

You can get the American Girl book 'The Care and Keeping Of You'. It's a really good book and I read it together w/ my daughter when she was 7. It was the beginning of many conversations and a few other books. Of course, she started middle school at 10.5 and had sex ed IN school that year... so if I hadn't started early my job would have been done for me... and I was not going to let that happen.

Mommabird - posted on 12/20/2014

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Also I forgot to add a piece of information...her father is extremely overprotective and a little more strict on the subject than I am. He basically is in denial that she is going to go through puberty and act like all other preteen and teen girls do.He tells her No boyfriends until she is AT LEAST 16, no dating until she is 18, and she has to graduate HS before she even thinks about having children because she has to go to college before she can get married...and THEN have kids. Yep, thats what we ALL want, right? But in reality it may not happen that way unless we convince her somehow that's the best thing to do.

Sammie - posted on 12/20/2014

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When the time is right youll know. When I was 8 my Dad tried talking to me about it. I laughed most of the time because I didnt understand anything. I saw/heard way to much when I lived with my mother. But after everything I say my Dad did the best he could and you being a concerned mother i think youll know when the time is right. Good luck!

Mommabird - posted on 12/20/2014

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I guess Im just curious as to how other parents discuss sexual information, and at what age. Our 10 yr old doesnt ask questions yet but we know she will soon. I dont want to discuss anything that will only make her more curious too early. I guess Im hoping the puberty talk will come before the sex talk. In my opinion, girls should go through and experience puberty issues BEFORE they start learning about sex but I know kids dont always go through life changes and experiences in the order we want them to. Lol. Im also one of those parents that believes its not a schools job to teach them about sex, I believe they should learn that from their parents first because how its discussed in school(or taught) may not always mesh with the parents morals and beliefs.
Sorry if Im rambling. Our daughter has been through alot, mainly from birth to 5 yrs old. When she was with her birth mother she had to grow up too fast, was made to take care of her younger sisters, and saw/ heard things a child under 5 should never have been around. So its in the back of my mind that she's got those memories stuck in her head which we've told her was not appropriate for kids to be around. We just told her to enjoy being a kid and not worry about adult things, and what she saw/ heard were adult things.

Michelle - posted on 12/20/2014

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I haven't had to have "the talk" as it's something that is just discussed. My children know that they can come to me if they have any questions but it's not a taboo subject. Sex is a part of live so why do we feel that we can't talk to our children about it early? Of course my 4yo doesn't know about it but she knows that girls and boys are different and when they are in love you can have babies but she hears the older ones when we have our discussions.

Sammie - posted on 12/19/2014

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Well I didnt talk to my daughter but I did talk to my little sister. Were 9years apart so things have changed. I asked her one day we were shopping (just her and me) "Does anyone ever talk about gross stuff?" I know its weird but as long as I talked dumb and funny shed tell me everything. "Yeah my friend has a boyfriend and they kiss all the time" I thought what!? You guys are only 12/13! I asked her what she thought about it. If shes more descriptive then youll know how far things have gone. After a while she might just come up to you and ask/tell you things.

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