how do you teach your children to be ok without their father's

Amanda - posted on 06/05/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My girls have never had stability or love from the male side in my family and they have never gotten it from their father's either, Even though I have tought my children they don't need a man in their life they still want the male and don't want to here it from me? What should I do?

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Valerie - posted on 06/05/2011

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listen to them...dont try to fix their feelings...ask them what would be helpful? as they come up with answers, let them know if their request is possible. if it isn't then let them know that you cant do that so what else would be helpful until they come up with an answer that works for you and them...how old are your chldren? you may not feel you need or want a man in your life but you are an adult and the needs of an adult and a child are different...find out what it is that they would get from a male from their perspective...

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JuLeah - posted on 06/06/2011

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Somehow they have also been sent the message they are misssing something. They are not, but clearly feel they are.

And, both men and women are important for kids. My daughter has men in her life ... coaches, teachers, family friends ..... there are positive men in her life and she knows she doesn't have a father. Many kids don't. Some don't have mothers' some don't have parents.

There are so many ways to do 'family' and not one is wrong or better then another.

Tamara - posted on 06/06/2011

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Be there for them, don't judge, just listen and let them feel what they are feeling as Valerie said.

I also agree with Teresa, if one isn't available maybe signing them up for a sport with a male coach that will be positive for them.

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Kids do need positive male role models in their lives on a regular basis. It is best (IMO and many studies) if that can come from their biological father, but many, many kids (including my own) do not have that for one reason or another. In those circumstances... a stepfather, grandparent, uncle, male family friend, or big brother type program CAN fill the void.

I agree w/ Valerie. Listen to them and do whatever it takes to GIVE them what they need in life (and no, you don't have to go out and get married to the first guy you see.... or at all. I know I'M never getting married again....).

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