How do you tell an adult child that you think he is being taken advantage of?

Kathy - posted on 09/08/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )




How do you tell an adult child that you think he is being taken advantage of by his/her friends? My son has a great job & makes a lot more $$ than most people his age. His friends all know it and lately I have very strong suspicions that they are "borrowing" huge amounts of money (thousands of dollars). How do I tell him I think he is making a huge mistake without making him mad at me? or worse yet - alienate him? Or do I just sit back & shut up & let him alone?


Krista - posted on 09/08/2011




Yikes, that's a tough one. I find in situations like that, it's almost better to ask questions, than to make statements.

Instead of telling him that his friends are making a fool of him, maybe just sit with him and ask him, "Are you comfortable with your friends borrowing money? How does it make you feel? What do you think would happen if you said no? Do you think they'd still want to hang out with you?"

Listen to him, and come at it from a place of concern, not judgment. And if he doesn't want to talk about it, then let it go. He's a grown man, and will have to learn from his mistakes. If he DOES get burned, though, be sympathetic. "I told you so" is one of the ugliest phrases in the English language, and serves no purpose other than to divide people.

Good luck!

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