How is everyone's relationship\marriage after baby!?

Rene - posted on 12/02/2014 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Anyone fight with their spouse more than usual post baby!? My little girl is 6 months now and we can't stop fighting about the littlest things! I take care of her 24/7 and he has yet to do much at all yet we argue because he is upset that I make a lot of the decisions. I just needed to reach out and vent!

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Sarah - posted on 12/02/2014

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This is very normal, having a baby is very stressful and even the best communicators are going to hit some snags. I was the primary caregiver of our first and because I breastfed exclusively, I was like a magician. I could get our son to stop crying and my hubby felt very helpless. I had to teach myself to not correct him or even give suggestions unless he asked.
You are also sleep deprived and you both are mourning the loss of your "old" relationship. No matter how much you wanted and love your baby, your marriage is different now and it takes a bit to adjust to becoming a family.

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Jasel Galvez - posted on 12/04/2014

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Yes we star arguing more than usual since I got pregnant and when j give birth it when up to the roof ;( I was just like you do everything myself no help and I do resent him etc and the father he left me 3 weeks ago saying he doesn't love me anymore the babe is 2 yrs and 3 months
I hope life is going to
Be good again

Gena - posted on 12/03/2014

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Bath time is good,my husband would come home from work and bath with our son and then get him bed ready..still to this day! Whats also nice is to go for a walk together as a family. We have a forrest way that we try go walk every sunday. Its nice to get some fresh air and talk about things together. And its nice because we walked there with our son when he was a baby in a stroller..then once our son started walking he would come walking with us,now we take his bycicle with and he rides his bycicle. My husband also goes swimming with our son once a week. They have a good bond. Try doing things that your husband can also take part in. And the arguing is normal i guess. I remember the first two weeks when we were home i would get upset over small things..i guess it just takes a little time to adjust that its not just you and your partner anymore.

Sarah - posted on 12/02/2014

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What about bath time? Can that be his special time with her. I am sure he feels a little emasculated. He was your partner and you created this miracle together. Now, this little miracle, wants you...that is biology. You've got the magic right there on your chest. At six months her world is you, you nourish her, comfort her and ease her to sleep.
Try the best you can to point out his strengths, "she only laughs when you do this...", encourage him to get down on the floor with her and then you go where you can't be seen. I promise this is temporary, but I do know how hard it is and how it can make your marriage tense. Do you think he'd be willing to try a baby massage, you fill her up a bit but don't knock her out and then he uses a safe lightly scented lotion on her from top to bottom. maybe if the two of them have some time for eye contact and smiles and giggles he will feel better.
The risk with of of this is she is really at a time where you are her whole world. So if the massage is going well, resist the urge to take pictures or watch, just give him space.
Also, whenever you can, praise his parenting. To anyone who will listen, tell them how much she looks like him, and she has his personality and he is always willing to help out.

Rene - posted on 12/02/2014

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Yeah we tried the bottle and she took it when she was younger but now she is refusing it and that's where all the tension is starting to build between us.

Sarah - posted on 12/02/2014

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My husband liked to be the one to carry them in a carrier or sling when out in public. Have you tried pumping and letting your hubby bottle feed? That could be great or if she doesn't want to take the bottle it could blow up in your face. .
Does he have a time to play with her, she is just getting to be really fun and maybe if he caught she first sitting alone, or first crawling, he might feel more connected.
It's been a while my youngest is 10, let me brainstorm

Rene - posted on 12/02/2014

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Can you recommend anything that we can do to help him bond more or have him feel more in charge!? I breastfeed too and like you said it devastated him when she cries for him and as soon as she sees me or she is in my arms she stops immediately!

Leanne - posted on 12/02/2014

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This happens a lot of times after couples have babies.
My husband & I done it, and we still do it every now & then.
Maybe try asking his opinions on things and let him help out a bit more. sometimes the guys just need a understanding of what all we do.

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