How long is best, to wait for baby number 2?

Tamara - posted on 03/31/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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I am pregant with my second child, my daughter is 1 year and 2 months old now and she'll be 21 months when the baby is born. I've always wanted my children to be closer in age so that they'll be like friends but how long is too long and how long is too short? Doess nyone have any advise or has anyone been through something similar?

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Jessica - posted on 03/31/2010

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congrats on the new baby! :) everyone's opinion on this matter im sure is different. some people say 1 year is too close, others thnk its perfect. all that matters is that you can handle having 2 kids in diapers at the same time. My kids are 3 years apart minus a week, and for me, thats perfect, im not one for much patience and both my babies were attention-hungry, so having 2 babies at the same time is just not do-able in my world! lol but best of luck to you tamara and just for your sanity's sake, have a backup sitter and money for a rainy day for yourself(just in case ;P )

Kathryn - posted on 03/31/2010

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My daughters are 16 months apart, and it was a little hard at first, but then once I was used to caring for them, I loved it. They played together when they were little, but now that they are growing up, they fight like crazy. There is a 2 1/2 year gap between #2 & #3. They fight too, but then only a 19 month gap between 3 & 4. They are 13, 12, 9, & 8 now and it is so wonderful to have 4 loving children that I enjoy watching grow. YOU need to decide when the right time is to have another child. People told me I was crazy, but it is all worth it when "Mother's Day" comes around!! Good luck!!

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Candi - posted on 06/13/2011

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We planned our first 2. They are 16 months apart. I love that gap. It was easy taking care of them as babies/toddlers and they started school together. They are both in the gifted programs at school, so it didn't affect their mentality. Tthey are well-rounded and social people. Well, my youngest was born 5 yrs later. I didn't care for such a gap, but things happen :) She is great though. The older 2 love her and all of their friends think she is the cutest little girl! The other 2 don't remember what things were like before she came along, so the jealousy is hit and miss. Each kid has their own personality and if you are able to take care of 2 little ones, then go for it. If one is a struggle, I would suggest waiting a while.Kids adapt quickly so I wouldn't worry about that too much. Good luck

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My two are 17months apart and I think this may have been too close. My eldest doesn't understand what is going on and has trouble understanding that he gets his time with mummy and Daniel gets his time with mummy too.

Anieka - posted on 03/31/2010

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my partner has 4 kids and they are 7 6 5 and 4 they get along great and dont argue i reckon its good to have children close to each others age so either u have clothes u can pass to the next one b4 they get to old or thrown away and they can play more with each other since there close to the same age group.

Also having one child then a few yrs for the next that is fine aswell since the older one can hang out with and teach the younger one also it helps u out to but either or any age is fine i dont see why many people make such a fuss over childrens ages !

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I've seen with children born too close together (2 years and less), that it does not allow adequate time for them to be fussed over for been at their real "cute" stage which generally happens around 2yrs old. Personally, I feel it's vital for each child's development to receive that kind of attention - it will also make the other siblings less jealous of each other. After saying that too, it's also all up to you as a parent that you constantly show equal amounts of love, attention and discipline to ALL of your children. I'm a mom who is happy with the 2yr 7mnth gap of my children who are now also teenagers, but we are not all the same, it depends on what you want in life, and what you are capable of doing, and what makes you happy!

Joe - posted on 03/31/2010

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Mine are each three years apart and I have 5. Although there is a significant age difference between the first and last, they are very close.

Jodi - posted on 03/31/2010

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I really think this situation is personal choice and what you can handle My first and second are five years apart as my first wasn't a well baby then the next one is 4 years from the last it has it's pro's and cons having a older child who is now 17 is helpful but I do find that she has a better relationship with the youngest and being a Mum is hard work anyway so follow your own instincts and I am sure you will make the right choice

App+7mnejhu - posted on 03/31/2010

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I have a 3 year gap between my 1st two, it was good because my eldest was able to go to the bathroom unassisted and was a big helper..... I have just an 11 month gap between my second and third, they are the same age for 3 weeks of the year. And due to lack of sleep and feeling like I didn't get a decent sleep for the best part of 3 years, I totally prefer the 1st gap!! Even though now that isn't my issue, it's the huge personality clashes we have happening, they are 7.5, 4.5 and 3.5 years old now!!! The 2 youngest are both boys and clash majorly!!! I myself am the eldest of 4 and am 3 years older than my next sister then theres between 15-18 months between the next 3. And I have always only got along with the youngest!!

Kylie - posted on 03/31/2010

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Hay there, there is no age gap i have a 6 month old and am 5 months pregnant now

Joy - posted on 03/31/2010

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18 months to 2 years. So your gap is perfect. They play when they are little. They argue and fight when they are young teens and then they become good friends as they get older.

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I think it just depends on when the time is right for you and your kids personality too.
My daughter was 2yrs and 7 months when her little brother was born and she was quite jealous of him at 1st. She was the first grandchild on both sides so she was spoiled rotten and didnt like him getting attention.
My husband and I didnt want such a gap but unfortunately I miscarried a baby or the age gap would have been closer to her being 2 when the baby was born.
We now have a 3rd a little girl who is 7 months she was born when Teighan was 5 and Mitchell was 2 and 1/2. Teighan absolutely adores her little sister and couldn't be more helpful. Mitchell is great with her too and has never been jealous.
One good piece of advice I got was to remember that Mitchell has always had a sister but Teighan hasn't always had a brother and this helped me to understand why she sometimes got jealous when he got some attention because she was used to always being our number 1 then all of a sudden she had to share whereas he always had a sister so it was easier for him.
I try to always make sure I have a bit of quality time with each of the kids everyday. With Teighan when she comes home from school we will do her homework then she will sit on the couch for a cuddle for a while. Mitchell and I do something while Teighan is at school and Rylee is napping and Rylee gets us all to herself when the older two are tucked up in bed. My husband and I always share the night time routine so we get to spend time reading them stories and cuddling in before bedtime too. Hope this helps :)

Abbie - posted on 03/31/2010

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i have got 5 kids and there are 9 months between my eldest 2 which has i now think is too close but my youngest 2 are 18 months apart and i think that, that age group works much better as they are both at different stages so you can spend time with each seperatly especially as the older of the two is now at playgroup yet they still like to watch the same things and play the same games hope this helps a bit x

Amanda - posted on 03/31/2010

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I have children that close in age, they played well together until they got about age 8 and 7. It doesnt matter their age difference, its their personalitys that will decide if they are bestfriends are not. The sibling i consider my bestfriend is 11 years younger than I.

Tammy - posted on 03/31/2010

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This is about exactly the age gap I want when my hubby and I try for our second! No advise though sorry :)

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